Almost Every street rider has been kicked out of a
spot by a security guard. These guys are not as hard
to deal with as cops. Always remember they can't take
your bike, they can't touch you, and they can't bring
you home. The only thing they can do is call the cops
to do all the shit i just said. There are some really
fun ways to fool around with security guards and have
yourself a jolly good time.
1. Being Mute With this when one of them comes up to
you just do not say anything. If they keep talking to
you just remain silent. If they get really pissed just
take your fingers and put an X over your mouth. Until
this gets way out of hand you should keep doing this
same thing.
2. The "I Don't Understand" Routine First
they will come up to you and say that you can't ride
here. Then ask why, when they give you thier shitty
reason start arguing and saying that your not going to
get hurt and sue them, you not going to grind the
rails etc. Most likely they'll still tell you the same
thing just keep going on and on and on about how you
don't understand that your not doing something why do
you have to leave.
3. The Dumb Foreigner Routine For this one you must
know another language. Make sure before doing this
that your area where your riding does not have a large
population of people speaking that language. When they
come up to you start talking to them in that language.
Broken English always helps. Saying stuff like
"me no speak English" or "I no
understand" If they wind up knowing your language
you're pretty much fucked and are going to have to
leave.
4. Crying Ok your not really going to cry unless you
can on will but after they lecture you and kick you
out start pretending you're crying and throw tantrum.
If you want smash your bike on the ground start
screaming random shit punch your friends or what ever.
Then just lie on the ground pretending to cry and do
as best as you can to block pedestrain traffic.
5. Mr. George Washington This is probably my personal
favorite. When they come up to you and tell you the
you can't ride here shit pull out a dollar and say
something like "well then...perhaps Mr. George
Washington would change your mind...haha" or
something else you can come up with but make sure it
sounds stupid. Obviously they're not gonna take the
dollar but security guards have mixed reactions to
this.
6. Making Peace Even security guards have a soft and
tender side you might want to bring that side out in
that big ol' security guard. Try going up to him and
hugging him for example and then whispering into his
ear, "Hey big boy want to head back to my place
and get real nasty?" You'll sound like a total
fucking idiot but it's more than worth it. You and
your buddies will laugh your asses off if you pull
that one off. If you come up with something better,
use it you pretty much understand my point now.
By: Amir Zendehnam
10/5/02
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