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| I can feel it ripping itself from by body. Its grip more powerful every day, pulling harder to escape. Is it my soul..or my sanity. Maybe my emotions. Why can't it be satisfied, what have I done to deserve the anguish it so selfishly pursues me for. What the Fuck is it? A feeling can not be described, only explained with the hopes of understanding, but rarely is it understood the same way as it's meant. Even more indescribable is a sense of losing a feeling, not in an anesthetic way, but in a more spiritual way. Every journey has rough spots to get through, but the spiritual is the most difficult path to conquer. During every person�s life, they fall from the pedestal they are on, no matter how high it may be. Some don't have far to go, some have eternity. Our choices are but stairs on the way back up. But there is only one staircase for each of us, and many different choices; all of them our own. If we made different choices, we would be a different person, making different decisions, for we each make our own choices and they are ours alone to be made. Influenced as we may be, they are ours to make, which is what makes us human, and individual. A fall from a social pedestal is a mere pin drop compared to a spiritual fall: a fall within yourself. You become everything you wished to never be, or at least fear that you are. You perceive yourself as you would never have thought, and it destroys you. Self-destruction in its purest form. True recovery can never be attained without the understanding of ones self and the reasons for the self-destructive manner to begin with. I never expect to achieve a recovery from what I've created, only a faint belief that I've achieved a level acceptance of myself once more, if that is what I ever had to begin with. Only enough to keep my heart beating at a low pulse, my mind at a basic level of comprehension; only for so long will it last. | ||