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| Crush | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Slow gentle music fills the room. Slowly everyone leaves the dance floor from the more hectic pace of "Can't Get You Outta My Head" or "It's Raining Men" and the couples slowly drifted onto the dance floor for the slow dances. The beating of my heart from the frantic dancing slowly subsided and I walked over to the chairs and sat down. Disowned by the group for that evening because of the glitter I wore and my outlandish dancing style. My group is so conservative, not to mention only a few real friends. But those friends had people to dance with leaving me alone. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Why me?" I wonder as I look into the crowd. Some just smiling, some awkwardly moving not to sure where to hold people, some gently kissing each other and other just up there with a person they didn't really care about but wanted to seem cool. "Why am I denied the simple pleasures that other people just take for granted. I'm the only out person at my school. No one to dance with... | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| My thoughts are interrupted when he sits next to me. He is my obsession. The guy I lust over daily since this year began. No lust is the wrong word... I don't just want his body but I want to be with him. I glance at him and then look away again. His bright blue eyes looked into mine for a brief second and I blush and look away. I could get lost in those eyes if I wasn't afraid of him knowing how I feel about him and then shunning me as others have.� They are so gentle, warm, caring... All those fond words people use and a few that aren't even words describe how I feel about them. Every time I look in those eyes I blush and look away. I am so weak. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Now my eyes are looking at his face. Avoiding his eyes so he doesn't realise about my feelings. We are talking about this and that. Just social stuff, did I find the economics test hard? Am I enjoying myself? I answer glad that he makes time to talk to a no one like me. That another thing I like about him. He is always so genuine with his feelings. And he makes time to talk to me. Even though I could disappear from the school and not many would realise he makes time to talk to me. Internally I sigh and nod and continue talking. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| My eyes are stuck looking at his lips and his skin. His lips look so soft and sweet. If I kissed them would they taste as sweet as I imagine? Would they be as gentle as I imagine them to be? Probably not but I still wish I could. And his skin... I bet he has never had a pimple in his life. Lucky thing. And the tone of his skin was perfect. Not so dark as to have been purposely tanned but not so light as to show he spends too much time inside. Just that gentle glow to it from his time outside playing sport or something. It also looked so gentle and smooth. Like silk really. I wonder how he would react if I touched it? Just gently reaching out and gently rubbing his forearm. But I mustn't, I dare not. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| He keeps trying to look my in the eyes. Surely he must be able to tell I am shying away by now? Maybe he just thinks I am being rude and don't like him. How far from the truth could it be. But guys like him aren't gay are they? Plus I know he had a girlfriend... Maybe it was just for show? No, Guys like him simply aren't gay. He is popular, attractive, plays football and other sports. And even if he was why would he be interested in a guy like me? Ridiculed for the way I act and speak. Belonging to a computer nerd group but not really a part of it. Over weight and hardly attractive... He could have anyone he wants so why would he choose me? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Huh? Surely that must have been an accident. His hand just rubbed over mine. Get a grip boy. Keep smiling and chatting. Don't mind the bolt of lighting that hit you when his fingers gently rubber the back of your hand. He does have soft skin. But it was an accident wasn't it? It had to be. Ohhh no... He's making eye contact with me. He will be able to tell how I feel now. No time to hide... Nowhere to run. Time to face the music. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Huh... What's that I see in his eyes? Is it the same way I feel for him... Could it be? His hand just touched mine again. Mmmm... I love that lightning. Ohhh...� his hand is staying there. I can see it in his eyes... He does feel the same way back. I am a fool. All those times he talked to me between classes. All the smiles he sent me. He was trying to tell me how he felt. But I never noticed because I was too afraid of him knowing how I felt. We are still talking about everyday things. Just small talk... but it somehow seems more important now. I love his smile, and his hand holding mine. I wish this moment could last forever... and the song is only half the way through. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| He is moving closer to me. How would I like to dance? But what about what people will say? He doesn't care. He just wants to dance with me. I am flattered but scared. But why am I scared? Here is a guy who likes me. A guy I have had a crush on since day one of year 12. His perfect eyes, his charming smile. I squeeze his hand and whisper back that I would love to dance. He slowly stands... his hand trembling slightly as he then pulls me to his feet. I squeeze his hand and tell him it will be all all right. He smiles at me and tells me that he hopes so. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| A few eyes are on us but not many yet. That is good. I don't know if I could handle everyone looking at us before we got up there. Besides my group has disowned me so I couldn't care less what they thought. Caught up in my thoughts I don't realise we are on the dance floor until we are there. He wraps his arm around my waist and then his other hand gently holds mine. I hold his waist and we start moving to the music. I know people are staring at me but couldn't care less. Here I am in the arms of my dream guy. God he smells so sweet. Everyone else around us is fading away into nothingness. I can feel his heart beating next to mine. Not in tune... I don't think that is possible. But it feels so sweet. I gently place my head on his shoulder. He sighs in contentment. We dance slowly and gently. His body pushes against mine and I feel like I am in heaven. I feel a part of him pushing into me and giggle to myself and gently push back. I move my head up and gently rub my nose against his. I look into his sparkling blue eyes. I close my eyes and then gently move in to kiss him. At the same time he moves in. Out lips brush and I feel the warmth of his breath against mine. I then move further in and place my lips against his. A gentle kiss. But it spoke more words than I could have said. We gently pulled back and then looked into each other's eyes. It was then I realised the song was the most inappropriate thing to be playing. This was more than a crush... so much more. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Fin | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Library | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||