Thursday, 7 September 2000, 1:43pm
The House of Bliss, HSV, AR. USA, Earth...
Where I am now, aside from sitting in my home office, at my funky little desk, is someplace between the sane and the insane. I am not feeling well in the head right now. There's a lot going on in my life that I'm trying to understand, grasp, deal with...yet I'm sometimes feeling caught, trapped, unable to move due to entrophy. Kelly is going to deliver that baby any day now. That in itself is a monumental event of epic life changing magnitude. On so many levels too...from the emotional to the financial to the spiritual and back again; having a child changes everything. And when you have more than one, it gets bigger and larger and more intense everytime. At least, that's been my experience so far...this child we're now awaiting is number four for me (it's Kelly's second with me). I have a 17 year old daughter named Valerie who lives in North Carolina with her lesbian mother and her mother's lover. We have, at best, a very strained and strange relationship. It's a very painful situation that, for the time being if you don't mind, I would rather not talk about it...know that i dearly love, and have always, my first born daughter and I believe (and hope, pray and work) that one day, when all is right, Valerie and I will mend our relationship and enjoy the love that we share with the others in our family.
Speaking of other members of the family, my youngest son, Julian just woke up and joined me here in the office. Jules is three and he's my second born son...my first with Kelly (her first too). He's been keeping very late hours all week because of the state of high alert in our household these days. Kelly seems to be getting many contractions at night, she's nervous and full of energy until three in the morning and, as a direct result, Jules and I have been up late keeping her company...just in case! This might explain why i don't feel too good in the head too. Irregular hours make me an irregular guy.
Saturday, 9 September 2000, 3:40am
the house of bliss, hsv,ar,usa, earth...
been working on and off all day and night on this web page thing. very much getting into it. maybe too much, it's scarey! i'm lost in it though and having a great time! it's a good distraction from the otherwise too stressful world these days. kelly has still not had the baby. in fact, she sits besides me playing solitare. (how very yoko of her, i think)...my state of emotional well being has been good in the last couple of days. I'm really looking forward to maggie's birth...any day now! I've been thinking about my little family a lot lately...about kelly and the baby, valerie and cassidy and julian...my parents and brother...thinking about how much we all make up each other, how much we make each other who we each are...how i'm like dad or mom or my brother...how my kids are or are not like me or their mothers...i hope they see me, they feel me as good...as good as i'm trying to be for them...and i'm trying to be the best!
i'm tired and kelly needs to get to bed...maybe she'll go if i go...so, welcome to my site, I hope you like it!
love,
dphilip.
Saturday, 9 September 2000, 4:46pm
the house of bliss, hsv, ar, usa, earth...
shades of winter play upon my window pane, cold rain falling from ambevilant gray skies...i suppose i should send out the invites to visit this site, i guess it's time to open it up and i should just do it...but i have reservations. it's not finished. as an artist, a writer in particular, i'm not done with this...it's unfinished. and i NEVER show my work unfinished...but this isn't a story or screen play...it's not going to ever be done. it's always evolving and changing and building...on going art, as it were...so, here goes, i suppose, the Grand Opening Gala Event of The BlissAcresVirtualTheater! i hope everybody likes it and helps me make it better and better and by responding to it...like Jimi Hendrix, feedback is very important to me!
by the way, still no baby maggie!
love,
dphilip.
Two'sday, 12 september 2000, 2:20pm
the house of bliss, hsv, ar. usa, earth...
it's been afew days since i've done anything with this website. not that i don't have some ideas, i do...in fact, maybe too many! i'm working on a whole bunch of things right now in a very frenzied way...i think it's my way of dealing with the stress and pressure of the baby coming...and all of life's other endless details (bills, family committments, performance at work, cleaning the house, etc.)! last night charlie griggs was over and we talked long into the night about his band. he wants to call it "entropy" but the other guys in the band are not too hot on that...i'm not sure about it either. i like the name, it's a cool name...but i think it's been used already. it's too good to not have been...has it been? i suggested "absolute elsewhere" a month or so ago...it's from a john lennon song, but it's also the name of the coolest lennon club in yahoo...everybody liked the name that night and it stuck around for a few days, but they decided against it in the end because it's too "trippy" sounding for their music (they play a sort of grunge music)...so charlie is wrestling with the other members of the band for a name. they need one soon because they're having a gig on september 23rd at this local park in hot springs. it's abig deal. and they still have no name, thus no posters or promotion going into the show...other than word of mouth...everybody seems to buzz aboout charlie griggs around here...he's something of a local rock star hero or something. he's a good player and songwriter (although he's kind of depressing sometimes)...he has a great voice too...and a cool image, or is it charisma, or both...he's young too. all of 19. ah, to be 19 and in rock and roll again....those were the days, weren't they?
Well, gotta go to work now. i'm training several new people...maybe i'll go on-line from there and work on this website soome too, i don't know...but i do have to get moving. now. so more later...