DP and Midsummer festival

This is the first recording of a meditation session that I did at the Midsummer festival. I don't do exactly everything described in the DP manual, but it does say in there that it is just a basic outline and it isn't the only way to do it. So, here's what I did - (June 24)

I sat on the ground under some short trees where it was deeply shaded. there were people around me, and children playing, but I knew I wouldn't be bothered and I didn't have anywhere to go so i could take my time. I made myself comfortable in a cross-legged position, "sitting up on my sitting bones" as I learned from a yoga video, and resting my hands on my knees. I took some time to prepare myself by letting my mind wander, watching the children play and gazing out into the forest without really seeing what I was looking. "spacing out" as it's called.

I closed my eyes and began deep breathing, in and out, in a pattern of three - in two three, out two three - slowing the rythm down more and more. I let my thoughts free, concentrating on the breathing. I relaxed all of my body slowely, part by part, from my head to my toes "relax your forehead into your nose, and your nose into your chin" When my mind was quiet and blank and I could no longer hear the voices and sounds around me, I began my visualization. Seeing myself as turning slowly into a tree, my roots growing from the base of my spine into the ground, stretching deep t hrough layers of soil, touching and sensing the water particles held there, drinking it in and feeling the earth moving and living around my roots. My body became a trunk, my hands, fingers and hair stretching and growing up to the sky. I felt the warmth of the sun on my leaves, and the wind through my branches.

Then I turned inward, hearing the calm and soothing voice of the woman fromt he yoga video: "turn your eyes inward, become aware of your inner self" "feel your breath rise like a fountain into your chest"

Sometimes when I go into meditation I have a reason or purpose. If I don't, then I simply stay in a quiet place waiting and "feeling" everything around me (that's the best way I can describe it). This time I did have a purpose. A lot of things happened at this festival and recently in my life that I wanted to reflect on. Usually in this state I sort through emotions and facts and consider all thoughts and the occasional spirit and devine guidance that may come through. In this case I was considering the relationship with the Goddess Minerva, who, I realized, had been making herself apparent to me for much of my life. I had been fighting her off and I realized that this was because she was a female deity - 1) being raised Catholic, I have had the mindset of male deities strongest in my life and 2) I was abused by my mother (to a child your parents can sometimes be seen as deities that control your life) and so was afraid of worshiping a Goddess because of what my mother represented.

Up until this point I had had the absurd idea that I was debating whether or not to "choose" this Goddess as a patroness. It was during this meditation that I was brought to the awareness that it wasn't a question of whether or not I would "choose" her; but whether I would accept her because she had already chosen me and had been quite insistant for some time - and I had been rejecting her and pushing her away.

I took my time coming out of the meditation trance, working backwards with everything that I had done, and then sitting quietly thinking and staring into the trees. Though I had a different viewpoint on the situation, I still hadn't decided on a course of action. It wasn't until later that day during ritual that I made the decision, and it seemed to be a spure-of-the-moment type of decision at the time.

The ritual focus was "one nation under the sun" worshiping Lugh, the god of all crafts, and concentrating on our contribution to the community - the pagan community as "one nation under the sun" - all of us standing together and working together, each individual offering their strengths and talents for the good of the whole. Recently I realized that the best contribution I can make to the whole of our community is to become a teacher. In teaching children (though it's against my personal code of ethics to teach religion to children other than my own) I can at least instil in them the importance of careing for the earth, and thinking logically with awareness of consequences through life. In this way I can help the community - pagan and other - in the way I do best; working with and teaching children. Minerva is a goddess of teachers; she brings them fresh pupils. She is also a Goddess of courage. that day, during ritual, I took a couragous step to overcome my personal fears and pledged myself to this Goddess. I know it will be difficult - I will probably fight her will most of the time, still being conditioned as I am, but I also know that just taking the step to finally accept her into my life has been a very couragous act for me.