May 30th, 2003 Well tommarrow is my 16th birthday. It all jus seems like a reminder of how long I have felt this way. Today hasnt gone well. I have jus been down all day it seems. God I wish I could be happy. |
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| Wish i could runaway like him......... |
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| June 7th, 2003 Hmmm it seems we keep gettin closer to school. Ahhh its kinda scary, or in better words.....a worry. I guess its so hard for me to "positively" look at anything. I guess I will have to work on that. Hey but you know what made my day SO wonderful today?? I got to see my awesome boyfriend at work :) (Dont worry Jesse, I enjoyed my walk home) Oh and I know I dont tell him this.........but he means so much to me.........its so bad how he makes me want someone........when all my life I have gaurded myself from this. I dont know what to call the way I feel. I cant say its love......cuz I dont know what it is....never felt it....and I guess for most of my life I have pushed it away. Well ok thats enough of my thoughts for now. Cya later. |
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| Isnt he jus SOOOO cute!!! |
| To you, I jus wanted to say, that I forgive you, for all the times you hurt me with your words.......and the episodes of pain that you put me and those I love through. I am sorry for all the bitterness I have stored up towards you, for all the times I have wanted you to leave, and for all the times I said I hated you. I jus wish I knew who was really wrong..........cuz you have left me so confused. Becuz of you I dont know whats wrong or whats right. So I am left here to find my own way out of this dark hole. I try not to blame you, so I end up blaming myself. But if you did no wrong, then why do I sometimes hate being around you? Why do I have so much bitterness towards you? I jus wish you would tell me if you were wrong in what you did. I guess I will never know. If it seems that I am distant from you.......its becuz I am.......but I jus want you to know.......deep down........I still love you. Even though I cant say it. Heidi Jo |