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| OPP targeting new source of revenue Barrie � The Ontario Provincial Police (OPP) have stumbled upon a whole new source of revenue for Mike Harris� coffers. It seems that a little known law on the books allows for drivers that are travelling too slowly to be ticketed. The fines are equivalent to those for speeding. Brian Hughes of Moonstone was their first victim this weekend past. �Gosh darn it!� Hughes exclaimed, �I knows theys gots their quotas but I never suspected in a million years that theys would be hounding us slow drivers.� The officers of the OPP are ecstatic. �Everyone has gotten into speeding. It is tough to decide which one of the offenders to nick. It is a tonne easier to pull along side an �unspeeder� and tell them, with the window down because the wind noise isn�t so bad, that they have to pull over.� The officers at the Barrie Detachment feel they have Mike Harris to thank for the tip. �Yah, a couple of weeks Mr. Harris, as we have to call him, mentioned just how good the pensioners of Ontario have it. We got to thinking, not much else to do during week in Barrie, that the old-timers tend to be the slower drivers and since they have all that money�� Zimmer operators are fearful for their lifesavings. Mildred Pierced, an 80 year-old Zimmer operator explained, �It isn�t our fault that the gear ratio is so low on these things. I, personally, find them to be embarrassing slow but I when got to go up to Zehr�s, I got to go. Those pesky coppers can go catch one of them young wiper snappers that honk at people like me and cause noise pollution.� Mildred had a final comment for Mike Harris, too. �When you see that bastard down there at Queens Park, you tell him that Mildred Pierced told him to go fuck himself!! Why, if I had the time and gumption�� |
| COPYRIGHT WASTE OF INC. 2001 |
| New high-speed Zimmer equipped with bugscreen |
| Should have been nailed for bad hair, too |
| Cheese it, Ferd! It's the cops! |
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