Canada�s Supreme Court upholds spanking
Ottawa � Canada�s highest court is in favour of spanking and Canadians couldn�t be happier. In a 6-3 vote, the Supreme Court, three of which appeared to have visible welts, proclaimed that spanking should be �limited to minor corrective force of a transitory and trifling nature� but failed to go as far to mention �intense sexual situations�.
�Oh, sweet Jesus,� exclaimed Chief Justice Beverley �Punish me, I�ve been bad, very bad� McLachlin, �I can see limiting it with children but, for heaven�s sake, there is no way you can take it out of the realm of my love monkey!�
Another Justice who also voted in favour was heard to say, �Oh, I thought we were only deliberating the spanking of children! Does anyone know if I can change my vote?�
Although parents have been given a relative carte blanche on this renowned form of corporal punishment, teachers have been excluded.
Speaking on behalf of teachers everywhere, Jim Clark, director of Debbie Does Dallas, said, �Damn, teachers can�t spank wrong-doing, young students in libraries, any more? There goes my plan to re-launch Debbie as a post-cheerleading-later-in-life-realizing-the-shallowness-of-her-existence educator who has a penchant for misbehaving young boys.�
Upon hearing that, the Ontario College of Teachers called a meeting to discuss a fee increase to offset the printing costs incurred due to the anticipated voluminous, professional publication outlining the details of discipline hearings for its entire librarian membership.
Meanwhile, a seductively pouting Justice Louise Arbour spoke on behalf of the three nay-voters.
�I fear that spanking will become an overwhelming element in society. Spank me, spank me, spank me! What the hell, doesn�t anyone fuck any more?� |
