Major distillers relieved
Windsor, England � It seems that the announcement of the death of the Queen Mum were ostensibly premature. Apparently, the news tremour, felt worldwide, was the result of a rather lengthy nap on behalf of the world�s favourite mother.
�For Christ�s sake!� she muttered upon hearing the news, �I told HRH that I was just going to catch a wee nap and the next thing I know I�m reading about my own demise. Harold, be a good nipper and get Granny a drink.�
Yes, the Queen Mum, the last Empress of India and Guinness World Record holder in the Artificial Hip Replacement category, was sleeping off a midday flagon of gin. Distillers worldwide could not be happier.
�That �news� was worse than prohibition, I reckon,� sighed John Midshipman-Jones, President and CEO at Beefeater, �We have dreaded that announcement ever since her husband died and she began to hit the bottle even harder.�
�Blimey,� rejoiced Sir Thomas �Tank Engine� Thomas, of Tanqueray, �That was indeed a close one! I can�t recall a shockwave like that since my days on HMS Hood.�
Upon closer examination, the supply of tonic had reached a critical mass and the Queen Mum took a tumbler of straight Bombay Sapphire.
�Well, we were right out of London Original Dry and I can�t stand any of the Canadian brands until after tea,� bellowed the resurrected Monarch, �That stuff tastes like Corgi piss unless it has a ton of fruit in it. Now, where are my jewels? And bring me a Corgi to pester.�
Plans for the funeral on April 8 have been postponed until at least April 9.
i.e. the glass
