Ottawa � A new study released today from the How Can We Spend Money In A More Ridiculous Way Than We Have In The Past Dept. over there at Statistics Canada, indicates that rich Canadians are richer than they ever were before. The corollary to the report suggests that poor Canadians are poorer than the rich.
�There is a huge accumulation of wealth at the top and nothing at all at the bottom,� said John Anderson, senior researcher and chief declarer of the bloody obvious for the Centre for Social Justice, which is also called the Centre for Silly Studies.
He continued, as if unaware of the redundant aspects of his statements, �We are in a very divided society, a very polarized society.�
Members of Canada�s Bronfman family, owners of Seagram�s Distillery, were quick to point out, �We were in the business of providing cheap booze for Canada�s poor so that they could stand to be poor, drunk but poor. When they stopped being able to pay for it, we had to halt production. After all, this isn't a charity we are operating here!�
Canada�s premier newshound/tycoon, Conrad Black noted, �I am proud that many poor people manage to survive Canadian winters because they have one of my many newspapers to sleep under.�
Statistics Canada has vowed to rethink its funding for the Centre for Social Justice.
�We are having a great deal of difficulty justifying the expenditure for such studies. It is almost too easy to say, �Hey, let�s give that money to the poor,� but, of course, that would be ridiculous. We are convinced that there are study groups out that need this cash as much as any poor person.�
