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| COPYRIGHT WASTE OF INC. 2003 |
| Joseph, depicted reminding Mary of the security deposit he put down on manger |
| Mary in pre-shoveling days (Artist's concpetion) (not immaculate) |
| God as seen in recent movie |
| An interview with Mary
Parts unknown � dougzone is pleased to present excerpts of a recent interview with Mary (a.k.a. Mother Mary, Mary: Full of Grace, Lady Madonna). When contacted �Ms.� Mary was resting comfortably between shifts on a coal-shoveling crew somewhere she refused to identify. dougzone: So, Mary, where are you these days? Mary: None of your god damn business. Speaking of God, has any one heard from Him recently? dougzone: Ah, no one here, Mary. We know people that claim to hear from Him regularly though. Why do you ask? Mary: (said sarcastically) I wanted to pass along my best wishes, is all. dougzone: Anyway, where did you get all of those aliases? Mary: Oh, the guys at school mostly. I remember them saying, �Mary, Mary Full of Grace, get on over here and sit on my face!� That used to piss me off to no end. dougzone: We understand that you want to clarify something on the 2003rd birthday of your son. Mary: Yes, there has been something bothering me for quite a while now. dougzone: Go for it! Mary: Huh? dougzone: Tell what�s been bothering you, Mary, please. Mary: Oh, it�s about the conception of my first son, Jesus. dougzone: We have heard for years that it was immaculate. Mary: I was misquoted. dougzone: Please, explain that. It wasn�t an immaculate conception? Mary: No, I had been dating God and everyone suspected that He was the Father but what I said when I was asked by the Three Wise Guys was that it was an ejaculate conception and they misunderstood because they assumed that God and I were doing the big nasty. dougzone: So, that means that Jesus is not the Son of God! Mary: No shit, Sherlock! He�s just the son of Herman Schwartz; Joseph was just kind enough to see me through the delivery. dougzone: What about the manger and all that other stuff? Mary: Well, when God found out that I had been messing around, somehow He didn�t see that one coming, He booked all the rooms at the Inn allegedly for a convention, so I had to pop the �blessed� child out back in the manger. The �wise� guys were arranged, too. He figured if I had company right after birth that my hair would be all messy, not to mention the manger, and people would ignore me. It was just His way of getting back at me. dougzone: So much for the theory of a vengeful Deity. Mary: You got that right! dougzone: Why did you wait so long to clear up this misunderstanding. Mary: I figured that having a bastard son looked mighty fine on the Almighty but 2000 years is long enough for a joke. I�m hoping to plea bargain my way off this coal-shoveling crew and assume my rightful spot. dougzone: Where�s that, Mary? Mary: I hear Florida is really nice at this time of year! |
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