dougzone
Rene-Charles Dion speaks out

Somewhere in Florida -
Canada�s Diva has delivered a baby boy in a Florida hospital and the kid is already making noise.

�Tabernacle, dat Momma of mine makes ha lot of noise,� the newborn said from his nursery bed.  �I tot she was noisy from hinside da womb but, Mon Zee, hit is taireeb hout �ere!�

(Tabernacle, that Momma of mine makes a lot of noise.  I thought she was noisy from inside the womb but, (no known translation), it is terrible out here!�)

The latest Dion to make the headlines continued, �Where da �ell is my Papa?  H�all I �ave see is a guy dat is old enough to be my Grandpapa.�

(Where the hell is my father?  All I have seen is a guy that is old enough to be my Grandfather.)

When informed that Rene Angelil is in fact his father, the young Dion loaded his Newborn Pampers.

�You �ave to be fucking kidding me, you Hinglish speaking bastard,� he uttered as one of his many nannies wiped his Quebecois ass.

(You have to be fucking kidding me, you English speaking bastard!)

Dion recalled the invitro-conception, �Dair was a bright lights and I was frickin� cold.  Den I was shoved hinside Mama.  Da singing dat night!  I tot for sure dat de Hen WHY Pee Dee would be knocking hon d'otel door, for certainement.�

(There was a bright light and I was very cold.  Then they placed me into Mama.  The singing that night was annoying.  I expected the NYPD to bust down the hotel door for sure.)

�Hand Hi ham telling you guy right now, dat if Mama tinks she can sing de fricking Titanic song while she is breastfeeding moi, den she �as hanother think coming,� the soon-to-be-spoiled-rotten Dion added menacingly.

(And I am telling you right now that if Mama thinks she can sing that chest-pounding Titanic song while I am suckling at her less-than voluptuous breasts, then she had better rethink the whole plan.)

As he puffed on a celebratory cigar, Rene-Charles was heard to mutter, ��ave day replaced dat bastard Bouchard?  Get that fricking red flag away from my cot, you Hanglo Nanny, you.�

(No known English translation)
Where was the baby?
Heye'll 'ave your bebe but not sex with you!
Tabernacle, how will I feed da bebe?
No wonder Papa couldn't conceive.  I'm hung like a shrew!
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