Somewhere in Florida - Canada�s Diva has delivered a baby boy in a Florida hospital and the kid is already making noise.
�Tabernacle, dat Momma of mine makes ha lot of noise,� the newborn said from his nursery bed. �I tot she was noisy from hinside da womb but, Mon Zee, hit is taireeb hout �ere!�
(Tabernacle, that Momma of mine makes a lot of noise. I thought she was noisy from inside the womb but, (no known translation), it is terrible out here!�)
The latest Dion to make the headlines continued, �Where da �ell is my Papa? H�all I �ave see is a guy dat is old enough to be my Grandpapa.�
(Where the hell is my father? All I have seen is a guy that is old enough to be my Grandfather.)
When informed that Rene Angelil is in fact his father, the young Dion loaded his Newborn Pampers.
�You �ave to be fucking kidding me, you Hinglish speaking bastard,� he uttered as one of his many nannies wiped his Quebecois ass.
(You have to be fucking kidding me, you English speaking bastard!)
Dion recalled the invitro-conception, �Dair was a bright lights and I was frickin� cold. Den I was shoved hinside Mama. Da singing dat night! I tot for sure dat de Hen WHY Pee Dee would be knocking hon d'otel door, for certainement.�
(There was a bright light and I was very cold. Then they placed me into Mama. The singing that night was annoying. I expected the NYPD to bust down the hotel door for sure.)
�Hand Hi ham telling you guy right now, dat if Mama tinks she can sing de fricking Titanic song while she is breastfeeding moi, den she �as hanother think coming,� the soon-to-be-spoiled-rotten Dion added menacingly.
(And I am telling you right now that if Mama thinks she can sing that chest-pounding Titanic song while I am suckling at her less-than voluptuous breasts, then she had better rethink the whole plan.)
As he puffed on a celebratory cigar, Rene-Charles was heard to mutter, ��ave day replaced dat bastard Bouchard? Get that fricking red flag away from my cot, you Hanglo Nanny, you.�
(No known English translation)
