dougzone

Oh, how the mighty have fallen!

Anglesey, Wales � Eric Abbott, an amateur sailor referred to as �clueless�, was rescued for the second time this week, his 11th time in all, by British coastguards off the north shore of Wales.  The cost of Abbott�s rescues have exceeded $82 500.00, he �navigates� with a roadmap and communicates at sea with his cell phone.

�I think it is time to consider navigation lessons,� Abbott announced.  �The coastguard people are getting rather tired of plucking me from the Irish Sea.  One of them asked if I would be the poster boy for the lessons-program.�

Speaking from atop his pedestal in Trafalgar Square, Lord Nelson was particularly miffed.

�Blimey, the pigeons are really nasty this summer,� he opened, � and that Abbott fellow is making a real cock-up of British naval heritage!  If I could get down from here, I would keelhaul the bastard myself.  He�s lucky, I tell you, damn lucky!�

Yes, the British navy, once the mightiest seagoing fleet in the world, now represented by the feeble attempts of a retired painter from Northwich.

In Anglesey, an island with one of the two pronounceable names in Wales, residents are speaking out, too.

�Why that English fella ought not be putting his homemade punt into the water,� mumbled Harry Pigandwhistle-Smith.  �Why, it�s barely bathtubworthy!�

�I disagree,� screeched Mrs. Pigandwhislte-Smith, �I think any sailor is worth having around, in or out of uniform.�

Meanwhile in Cardiff, the other pronounceable place name in Wales, a spokesman for the British Automobile Association released the following statement.

�AA has often wanted to include navigational information on our roadmaps but the problem has been to make them waterproof and, yet, affordable.  The new maps will be available for a fee slightly less than the cost of a tank of petrol.  Very reasonable, we believe.�

British Navy for the 21st century?

Naval hero or pigeon- poop depository?

Typical British roadmap
NB: No navigational clues

COPYRIGHT WASTE OF INC. 2000