Why

Why does Halloween not seem scarey to me
All the ghost and goblins and monsters I see
To most people they are the symbols of fear
that threaten to harm you if you get to near
but they are just fables and stories and such
they can not hurt you from a make believe touch
Not like the people you may see everyday
the ones with a sickness from their mental decay
the ones that can take your life in a day
And create a hell where you can't run away
the ones that feel that sheer size is the key
to rape and molest like the one that did me
You won't even expect when they ask you to play
what's in their mind as they take you away
to a special place that they know all to well
where no one will hear you if you choose to yell
I thought we were friends I knew you for so long
but still to this day now I know I was wrong
when you lit the candles I thought wow how nice
but you taught me they were only
a pain making device
the hot wax it was pretty
all puddled up on top
but burned to the skin
where you chose it to drop
you found it amusing
to play with my fear
I think you were lusting
to see my first tear
I wanted to go
but that was not in your plans
and when I tried to leave
you grasp me by the hands
Your force and your strength
were no match for me
for I was only a boy
with so much more to see
You had only begun
to take what you need
only started to steal
my soul from your deed
you thought you were something
full of power and might
and you knew if I tried
I was too small to fight
You wrapped both of my wrist
inside a single hand
helpless to your strength
you could do as you planned
I thought you were my friend
as I lay there in awe
but the evil hid inside you
now is all I saw
your other hand was working
on the button of my pants
and as the shame took over
at you I couldn't glance
my pants around my knees
had me exposed now to your view
I couldn't help but wonder
just what the other hand would do
you fondled me
and played with me
and just when I thought
that you were through
your hands did not release me
for they had some more to do
your grasp it only tightened
and for what I thought I knew
and just as I suspected
to make my hands
now fondle you
You forced my hands out to you
and you sent them down your pants
Disgusted with the thought of this
I knew my soul would have no chance
What made you feel
that I was your toy
Was it the helpless
crying little boy
Did the tears that cascade
down my face
give you the illusion
that I had them to waste
did the struggle so hopeless
that I tried to give
add strength to your thoughts
so the sickness could live
did the screams that you heard
give your ears a great feast
as the hate in me spawned
that would devour my peace
it wasn't enough
that you had raped my soul
but then came the threats
so that no one could know
you planted the seed
that would root in my head
feeding off fear
so that nothing would be said

Then full of fear
just what could I do
no one suspected it
not even you
the hate that took over
surrounded my brain
corrupted my feelings
and the trust that remained
the facts that it happened
were so clear to me
and if you would have noticed
then you too could see
the schools they noticed
but they blamed it on me
said my attention wasn't there
and then they failed me
but for those stupid fucks
I don't think that they care
for my thoughts were more focused
than any child there
Across the hay field
in the woods I would stay
where the make believe wolves
would protect as we play
It was the place
that I felt safe to play
until the old black bell
would call me away
I worked for my uncle
on many a day
where the hours were long
and the thoughts went away
To him I am grateful
for the time that we had
and the escape from my feelings
when I forgot to be sad
I think that the closest
to being let out
were the screams in the barn
my subconscious cried out
I had so much fun
in the caves that day
My sleep was so sound
that my mind went astray
Like a dormant volcano
that builds over time
my thoughts now erupt
to purge my mind
There is no one to blame
but one that I know
maybe one day you'll read this
and then you will know
I have not forgotten
the way you hurt me
The next time we meet
this is how it will be
I 'm no longer a boy
I have strength and size
and the hate I have for you
will burn in my eyes

This time I'll take you
to a place that I know
kicking and screaming
I'll drag you as we go
One thing I must do
before I die
Is to take back my soul
that inside you lies
I have a small file
that will rake at your skin
creating an opening
where I may begin
But don't think I'll be easy
I will start at your feet
where the pain and the torment
such as hell you will meet
A pair of pliers
to peel back the skin
the pain will win over
before I reach the other end
I will take out my clippers
that cut my toenails
and clip each strand of muscle
that held your strength there
slowly working my way
right up to your chest
to get to the spot
where your black heart does rest
there at your sternum
my clever will sit
and with one mighty blow
apart it will split
even if you are dead
I will open your eyes
so that you wont miss
my little surprise
I will reach inside
and rip out your heart
then I will hold it
raw and uncut
and stare you in the eyes
as I eat it all up
then maybe my soul
shall be back in me
but even if not
my revenge will be sweet

AUTHOR: Douglas Q. Plew