Excerpts from the memoirs of Douglas De Dawg

Excerpts from the memoirs of Douglas De Dawg. Photos courtesy of his personal album.

May 20, 2001

"Dawg Day Afternoon"

A Personal Account by Douglas De Dawg

Here I am with my biped, Frank. We're discussing the more intricate aspects of Chaucer and Shakespeare, Freud's philosophical aberrations, the usefulness of quantum physics when applied to getting more dawg bone treats, etc. You know, just your usual small talk. I'm also waiting for my friends to arrive. Oh, they're here already!! Mega tailwag greetings to everyone!!

...Dude!...Hello!...Yo! What's happnin!!...Mah Man! Whuzzup??...

Hi! Do I know you?
(Sometimes short dawgs have to resort to special maneuvers to meet other dawgs)

Hey! Has anybody seen Xena? She was on the end of this leash just a minute ago!!

I see her. She's out in the water with some other dawgs.

I'd join them but I just ate a huge lunch. I really shouldn't have had the extra garlic, onions and peppers on my pizza. They always make me gaseous. Wonder if anyone will notice?

I gotta find the beach so I can play with all of my friends. I wish I were taller. I can't see over this grass. Is the beach to my left?

Nope. Maybe it's this way...

I found it! I found the beach!! Hey, Xena, wanna play with me?

Sure, Tully. Let's have some wild action-packed summertime fun! See if you can catch me!!!

Oops! Sorry, Bristol. I wasn't looking where I was going!!!

Wait a minute, Xena. We need some shark repellent just about...just about...right here.

MOM...XENA'S SPITTING WATER IN MY FACE!!!
Hey, Xena...how come you look like a bear? Have you been salmon fishing again?

Gee...I hope he doesn't get mad when he steps in Tully's shark repellent.

Ah! A tidal pool. Time to "paws" and reflect on my life. I can also check and see if I have any spinach stuck in my teeth.

C'mon, Sam, let's go surfing together. I'll balance you on my nose, just like this.

Sam decides it's safer, and much more comfortable, to sit on this park bench with her biped, Don, her friend, Anthony, and Anthony's pretty grandmother.

Darn! I left the beach for just a second and now I can't find my way back!! If I go north by northwest, and look for moss on trees, maybe I can find it again. I gotta invest in one of those new G.P.S. dawg collars!!

There's Missy! Hey, Missy! What are you pulling?

Due to the current fuel crisis, and to help with our fuel consumption, I got my bipeds to tie my leash to the front bumper so I could tow their SUV to the beach. Now that they got rid of those darn Firestones, I can go really fast around turns!!

Hmmm...I think I see a better parking space that's closer to you, Sam.

Look, Missy, I'm getting a nice back scratch. Come on over here!!

I can't get my leash untied. Rats!

...I'm still lost. And the sun's starting to go down. I left a trail of crumbs from my dawg bone treats, but they seem to have disappeared...

Now for the sunset description. This one was robust and full bodied with just a frisky hint of musk and a delicate salty bouquet. I gave it a 10. Has anybody seen little Tully lately?

...WHERE'S the BEACH?? I HATE BEING SHORT!!!!...

Time to freshen myself up for my hot date tonight. Wish I had my Twisty Turban. A good blast of "Parfum De Git Down Ya'll" gives my face a delicately alluring, come hither, Le Coy Vixen sheen. Just a dash right under the end of my tongue, please.

Oh boy! I finally found the beach! Hey!! Where did everybody go???

As night settles in, Lady rounds up her bipeds and gets ready to leave. See you next time. Drive safely!!

The End

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