Excerpts from the memoirs of Douglas De Dawg. Photos courtesy of his personal album.
Excerpts from the memoirs of Douglas De Dawg. Photos courtesy of his personal album.
February 24, 2002
"A Beachin' Kind Of Day"
A Personal Account by Douglas De Dawg
We arrived at the park at 5:30 on a Sunday afternoon. We had some really cold weather come through and it was still just a tad chilly, especially with the wind blowing like crazy, but the sun was warm and I thought it was a bee-yoo-tee-ful day! I just love this place! There's so much to do and see. Sometimes I get confused and I don't know where to start exploring and sniffing...
...should I go north or south...north or south...north or south?
(Actually, I thought you might want to admire my handsome dawgly profile from both sides. The chicks really dig this! I've been practicing in front of my mirror for weeks now!)
I decided to go south first. Check out the foam along the shore. That's a good thing. It means the fish just took a bath and they're all nice and clean. I hope they remembered to wash behind their ears and remove the lint from their belly buttons.
I heard a lot a screeching and squawking close to the mangroves. A benevolent biped left pieces of bread in the sand and the seagulls were swooping down and fighting over them. It looked like pieces of baguette bread. That's my favorite bread...along with a big bowl of gravy for a delicious french dip. And a salad. And some cheesecake for dessert. And a nice burp and a nap afterwards.
I decided to get closer and see if it really was baguette bread. I started walking toward the mangroves when...YUK-O!!...I stepped dead center into a huge plop of bird dookie! Oh, man! How gross!
So much for checking out the bread. *sigh* Us dawgs shouldn't have to tolerate this rude bird behavior! *grumble* *grumble*
I limped down to the water to wash my paw off in the soapsuds that the fish left behind. Birdbrains! Maybe we should make a rule that birds have to carry around plastic bags, like my bipeds do, and clean up after themselves.
I spotted a bird in the water and trotted over to ask if he was the one who left the huge plop of dookie on my beach, but he flew away without answering me. His flippant attitude really made me mad!
When I saw the next bird I wasted no time. As I barked questions at him concerning the offensive plop of bird dookie, I sped up to Mach 3 and activated Warp Overdrive. He managed to evade my questions by invoking the Fifth Amendment. Then he flew away. Rats!
I decided it was time to mosey back up the beach and see if any of my dawg friends had arrived to play with me. I made a note in the margin to ask them if they were just as mad as I was about the inconsiderate water fowl who had been messing up the beach park. Wait a minute...gotta check out this serious sniff here *sniff* *sniff* *snifffffffff* O.K. I'm finished. Let's continue up the beach.
This enormous old tree is a favorite at the park. It has been here for a very long time. Its huge lower trunk has accomodated numerous discriminating generations of St. Bernards and Great Danes, plus other smaller dawgs. Maybe that's why it's dead.
I "pawsed" to admire the palm trees growing beside the dead tree. Some bipeds are under the misconception that dawgs only notice the bottom parts of trees. That isn't true. I notice the top parts of trees every day and here's the proof...
...this is the way the top parts looked when I rolled around on my back in the sand.
On the way back to the main park area, I met Sydney and exchanged dawg greetings with her. I polled her to see if she felt the way I did concerning the inconsiderate birds who left huge plops of dookie on the beach. Her response was that birds should be seen and then chased because that's what dawgs do for fun. But she hadn't stepped in any bird dookie...yet...so she wasn't sure what to do about that. I told her to be sure to cast her vote on the issue before she left the park.
Next I met Sebastian. We were just getting ready to exchange dawg greetings when he spotted a new dawg down on the beach, so I told him to be sure and vote on the bird dookie issue and went down to check out the newcomer.
The new dawg introduced herself as Anis�. She was pretty cool, for a girl. But the best thing about Anis� was....
...she had a tennis ball!!!
I tried and tried to get the ball away from her.
Douglas: Gimme that ball. Anis�: Nope. It's mine!
Douglas: Gimme that ball. Anis�: Gotta catch me first!
(I really wanted that ball.)
Hah hah! Now you'll never get my tennis ball because I just ate it!
(I was really bummed out! She actually ate the tennis ball??)
Douglas? Where are you going?
I was just kidding, Douglas. Please come back.
Douglas?
Yoo hoo! I was just kidding! Douglas?
I knew she was just kidding, but so was I. I didn't leave because she ate the tennis ball; I left because it was time to get in my truck and go home. I had a great time!!!
Oh yes, before I forget, I polled Anis� about the bird dookies and reminded her to cast her ballot on the issue. After counting the votes and dealing with a multitude of pregnant (I didn't do it! I've been fixed! Honest!) and/or dangling chads, and after much somber deliberation, our distinguished panel of Honorable Dawg Election Officials made the following decision: Parks for everyone, including fish that take baths and leave a ring around the beach, and foolish flying fowl who deposit bird dookies on the beach. Co-existence is the key. But that doesn't mean we can't keep sneaking up on 'em and scaring the wits out of 'em! Maybe that's why they leave dookies on the beach? Woof! Woof!
The End
Copyright � 2002/2003/2004. All rights reserved.
