Wear dark colours � burgundy or black are perfect. When you (or somebody beside you) start swirling rich red wine around in your glass so that you can better detect those subtle smells� Well� white shirts or blouses and light coloured dresses are begging for it.
How the wine glass is held really separates the beginners from the experts. Wine pros hold the glass by the stem, not the bowl. Truly cool and sophisticated wine lovers hold the glass by the flat foot ~ like you'd carry a saucer by it's rim ~ so the heat of their hand doesn�t warm the wine.
If you happen to get caught holding the glass by the bowl - insist immediately that the wine was too cold when it was poured and that you�rejust raising its temperature. Then smirk knowingly�
Inspect the wine closely. Is it bright, and sparkling clear, as whites wines should be? Maybe there are little glints of yellow, gold or green? A touch of orange or brown sometimes indicates the wine is too old already � or even oxidized!
Are the reds light in colour, transparent, dark purple? Do they smell clean and fresh - jammy, woody? Is there that telltale vanilla aroma that is a dead give-away that the wine has spent some time aging in oak? Or is it that guy next to you and his overdone aftershave?
Swirl the wines around in the glass to increase the surface area of wine available to the air and get a better assessment of the wine�s delicate potential. Hold it to your nose and sniff gently. Remember: even if a white wine truly does smell like Old Spice or Aqua Velva, it�s not too terribly chic to say that. (Unless, of course, you smirk knowingly at the same time�)
Actually tasting the wine ~ what a novel concept! ~ lets you to consider its weight and body. Is it delicate, light, medium-bodied, full-bodied or heavy? Would it make great balsamic or can you stand a spoon up in it? Some wines have a rich texture once you have them in your mouth. Others might make you want to gag.
Beyond a little hamming it up for your friends, obvious gagging is definitely not chic or cool � even if you smirk knowingly at the same time. It confuses the folks pouring the wine. Should they duck under the table or call an ambulance?
Now you have to decide whether to spit or swallow before going on to the next wine. If you�re going to be swallowing everything you taste, leave the car keys at home. Otherwise, spit the wine gently back into your glass, trying to avoid dribbling it down your chin, before tipping it into the nearest available spittoon ~ much more socially acceptable than the floor or your neighbour�s shoes.
Before you cleanse your glass with a swirl of water and move on to the next wine, make a note or two in your program if the wine impresses you at all. Take serious note of the truly bad wines. It�s easy to confuse them all, particularly as the evening progresses.
Above all ~ remember to keep smirking! The other wine tasters around you will assume you�re an expert. Advanced aficionados ought to practice arching their eyebrows, too�
