Ice Age

This was a cool time when everyone stayed inside and got to play lots of bored games (er.. board games). The world went through a freezing time where all fridge manufacturing came to a standstill. Fortunately the demand for heaters made up for this keeping the stock market relatively stable. Many species died out during this period, including door-to-door salesman and posties.

Mrs Ima Green of the Wilderness Society said, "in the Ice Age we had a serious drop in membership numbers. Even the trees left".

Ms I. Distortpast of Women's Lib said, "we had a serious problem trying to persuade women that they were better off leaving the home and going out. They also couldn't take their children to someone else to raise at a child minding centre. It was a terrible time."

Professor Theo Ree of Fakitt University said, "This was a time when many dinosawus rexes had a lot of digestinal problems. Studies have shown that there was a huge loss of ant numbers due to the ice. We have evidence to prove that these ants were used in the stomach to help break down the large animals eaten by the dinosawus. Actually Dr. W. E. Fakitt, whom our university was named after, wrote a long thesis on this subject which presented the full body of evidence for this. Unfortunately the janitor read it and burned it thinking it was an old comedy skit".

Dr Butcher of Ikillem Abortion Clinic points out the problem of population control at the time. "Yes, numbers of people should have actually dropped then except that expectant mothers couldn't come along and have the baby .. er .. foetus killed .. er .. terminated. But with over 100 thousand children terminated in Australia alone last year we are now making up for it. I can't understand why we are cursed with drought; it must be a natural weather effect, I'm sure".

Ranger Don Tlooktoodeep of Prime Ate Reserve said, "This was the time when monkeys turned into gorillas over MILLIONS of years. This occurred because of the loss of trees. Since there were no trees for the monkeys to hang from they de-evolved their tails and began to develop longer arms to catch fish".

Comrad Ima-red Onyabed of the Democratic Socialist party said, "This was a time when all people had an equal share of nothing. Our great leader Ima-red Inya-govinmant said, 'If only we could show people how good it is to have all people being equally nothing and having no different opinion. If all people agreed with me about everything there would be perfect peace'".

Editor Eye-gnor Facts of the Brisbane Fun newspaper said, "it is amazing how we are just going forward into an inevitably better and better future regardless of what we do: It is as inevitable as me winning gold lotto next week (which, naturally, I will). The ice age was just a small part of our continual progression. Evidence of our progress is shown in that people now aren't so frigid. This has all been deeply thawed out by what we call 'historians'".