rebelgemstonesummer

What Gemstone Students do During the Summer:

It's that time of year again, where the air is clear, the pools are
packed, and the sun is shining. It's summer. For most college students
all over the world, summer is their time. Time to work, time to play,
time to do whatever they want. School's out for the summer.

For some students, though, summer is not all about beach balls and ice
cream. For some, summer is a terrifying void, three months of unease and
waiting. The students are none other than the Stoners.

For the hapless Gemstoner, summer means the end of everything. How do Gemstone students cope with the end of organized learning for what seems like an eternity? The answer is simple: they don't.

"Ellicott is our problem hall," says Tom McLeish, High Overlord of the
Housing Administration. "We traditionally have problems clearing the
students out for summer vacation. Faced with the sudden possibility of
not having any classes to attend, about 80% of the residents become
uncooperative, and curl in the fetal position while making loud and
incoherent noises. As our top-notch maintenance staff can tell you, it's
extremely hard to clean a room and prep it for our summer basketball
superstars with whining children laying in it."

When asked for details on how they clear the buildings for the summer,
McLeish claimed that these were "university secrets." RGT, however,
threatened to release recently acquired information that proves the
university isn't really about to admit 500 more people than it should,
and we were able to secure this information for you. According to
McLeish, the remaining students are grouped into three categories by their
level of uncooperativity - "Blunt Stick," "Sharp Stick," and "Cattle
Prod." McLeish insists that there is no danger involved to the students,
but admits that sometimes "when wandering outside, dazed by the light and
color of the outdoors, they get hit by cars."

Once evicted from their safe little cocoons in Ellicott Hall, students
have to find ways of coping with their summer. RGT decided to interview
some Gemstone students to find out how they were going about their
summers.

RGT: "Could you tell us what you've been doing this summer?"
[name withheld]: "Well, like this one time at band camp"
RGT: "Could you do it in a way that doesn't involve quoting a movie?"
[name withheld]: (long pause)

After many such conversations, we learned that most Gemstone students are simply cowering, waiting for September to arrive. Some have redirected their efforts to working, others to holidays in other countries. While out of their element in the real world, they are at least coping.

Not everyone is so well-suited, however. One Gemstone team, desperately
craving their daily doses of inefficiency and surreality, have stationed
themselves in the National Zoo, where they are teaching a group of
chimpanzees biochemistry. "It's a good thing we were able to find a
replacement diversion! The chimps are surprisingly receptive, much more
so than the school administrators are. We only get feces thrown at us one
of every three times, now!" commented one team member.

"The chimps are so cute! They keep getting glucosamine and tyrosine mixed up, the silly things, but they're our little snookums, aren't they! Yes
they are!" added another, clutching a chimp to his chest.

The chimps could not be reached for comment.

- written by Taylor Maid

"Ok, Chucky how many times must I tell you: NO POO FLINGING DURING LABS!!! No!! Stop it!! Not the peroxide!! Don't put poo in there, it'll react!! NO! Run Away!!