rebelgemstonesecret

Why Gemstone Should be a Secret Society

Everyone knows that Gemstone is not the best program to be in. And
a big part of the reason is that it kills your social life. There is a huge
social stigma attached to being in Gemstone. On the other hand, being
in a secret society is cool. Secret societies have a mystery about them.
They can even be slightly frightening. These are traits I would love to
have people associate with me, instead of the nerdy, boring, studying
all the time, stay at home playing video games at 9:00 on Friday, write
crappy editorial for fake rebellion person that I really am.

Say we have a hypothetical situation: you are meeting someone who
isn't in Gemstone. We all know this would never happen; Gemstones
don't associate outside of Ellicott. But pretend with me. You're talking,
doing the small talk thing, getting to know them a bit. Pretend it's a
person of the opposite sex even. You are very careful to follow the
first two rules of Gemstone: Never tell anyone you are in Gemstone,
and never, ever tell anyone you are in Gemstone. But then he/she asks,

"Where do you live?"

Now, it's possible that this person isn't even from campus. Therefore, there is a very slim chance that if you tell the truth, they won't know what it means. But if they are from campus...well, let's just follow the rest of the conversation. Assuming that you aren't going to lie.

"Ellicott."

"Oh, you're one of those."

She gets up and walks over to the unemployed high school dropout in the corner. Assuming it's a girl. I'm kind of biased that way.

Everyone on campus knows that Ellicott is the Gemstone dorm. It doesn't matter that at least half of the residents are not Gemstone students. In fact, I feel sorry for them-the Gemstone effect probably spills over. But what would happen if Gemstone were a secret society? First of all, people might not even know what the name of the program was. There would be strong rumors of a secret society, but no one would know the name. The writers of the Diamondback might christen us with a nickname, but it would be something totally cool like "The Shell and Bones Society".

Secondly, they wouldn't know where we lived. We could pretend like we lived in the sub-sub-sub basement of McKeldin Library, and we could spread rumors that we lived under the Mall and there was a secret entrance in the fountain. We'd still live in Ellicott, of course, but no one would know it. We could admit to living in Ellicott with no fear at all! And maybe we'd just have our meetings someplace cool.

Third, Maryland doesn't have a secret society. I believe that it is sorely lacking. How can we consider ourselves a truly top-notch school without two things: a healthy tradition of pranks, and a secret society? The best (and worst) prank I've seen here is toilet paper in the trees. Burning the goalpost wasn't really a prank, but a riot. And the secret society...sigh. I don't even think we have a chapter of Freemasons here. I guess there's got to be one in D.C. Still, we are lacking in two major college traditions. And Gemstone is here to be part of the solution, right?

So let's return to that conversation:

"So where do you live?"

"Ellicott."

"Okay. What are you doing on Tuesday night?"

"Well, I have a meeting."

"For what?"

"Can't say."

The girl is inexplicably drawn to this mysterious stranger. Gemstone has made his life better. And everyone is happy.

- Written by El Censored