Shamus Has a History of Law Problems

    Shamus is your average overweight 34 year-old white male. However, Shamus is much more proud of his wallet than other guys his age. It was a good wallet, and it carried things, things like money and credit cards. Shamus found out the hard way that fried chicken would not fit into his awesome wallet, it was for this reason that Shamus had doubts that his wallet was the best ever to have been created. One of the things that his wallet carried was his summons to the court. However, this was not his first. You see, Shamus is a shameless pervert. This was not right according to Shamus. He did not consider himself a pervert, or a regular human being for that matter. Shamus thought that the label of "stalker" was undue and highly offensive. He was "courting" not "stalking". And who’s to say that it’s indecent to walk around the fair with a carrot sticking out of your ass singing old New Kids on the Block tunes, bro. Shamus has a mustache and loves listening to Nelly, especially when he’s rollin’ on dubs. All of the hoes hate his triflin’ ass but the neighbors think that he would make a great mascot for the local high school. Shamus loves margarine and eats it whenever he can find the time. Shamus loves drinking in the bathtub and doesn’t get out of the tub when he has to do you know what. Shamus’ favorite word is sebaceous. Fuck Gray Davis, vote for Shamus.