Lenny likes monkeys

    For the most part, Lenny was your regular ‘run of the mill’ blue-collar guy. However, Lenny was way too into monkeys. For example, if you asked Lenny if he would prefer living the rest of his life with a family of orangutans or a family like his own, he would respond with ‘what?’ Anyways, when Lenny wasn’t drunk on strawberry wine he was all fucked up on bad quantrex, which just caused his infatuation with monkeys to escalate. For you see, Lenny was born with an abundance of back hair or ‘pelo de espalda’ if you’re from Mexico, so he felt that if he were a monkey, he would be a so-called monkeys’ cat’s pajamas, or in layman’s terms, a she-monkey’s cream dream.

    In retrospect, Lenny was a douschebag. However, this never dragged him down. Once you’ve been labeled a douschebag, there’s no going back to the former life that you once called your own. Lenny can recall the exact moment in time when he was called a douschebag, which was in seventh grade by a wee-man by the name of Daryl McNoogant. Daryl called Lenny a douschebag for a couple of reasons, the first being that Lenny always drew pictures of monkeys lobbing their so-called "shit" at patrons of the San Diego Zoo, and secondly, that Lenny always wore argyle sweater vests that put his to shame. So this was more or less due to jealousy.

    Continuing on, Lenny had two children, Lyle and Kyle, who were bore by his portly but well proportioned wife Lucille. Although Lenny was a proud father, he was pissed that his offspring in no way resembled the offspring of a monkey. Lyle and Kyle were also douschebags. They loved milk and always said their prayers. They also lacked back-hair, which was the greatest disappointment of all. Lucille thought that Lenny was the dopest but only fucked him in the first place because if his flowing mane of back-hair. Lucille liked Scotch a little too much.