Don is a waste of space

    Don is your typical 44 year-old virgin. He goes home after a long shift at Applebee’s and talks to his cats for hours on end. His cats are very funny. They remind him of the cast from Fraggle Rock, Don’s favorite program. Don wishes that there were re-runs of Fraggle Rock on television, but his wishes never comes true. On his last birthday, Don blew out the candles on the cake that his ‘cats’ bought for him, and wished that he would meet a woman who truly understood what he was all about. However, the closest this wish came to coming true was when an obese homeless woman wandered into Applebee’s after closing and mumbled something about fish sticks. Obviously this was a sign of God, and Don proceeded to ask her name. She responded, "Poo-ass" and Don threw up on his cool new shoes. The bartender at Applebee’s told Don to be more confident, and Don asked him if he had any Fraggle Rock videos he could borrow. They never spoke again. Don can’t even get a piece of hand, let alone a piece of ass. Don once watched an entire episode of Ally Mcbeal. For a New Year’s present, Don’s mother got him a Russian mail-order bride. When Ulsa arrived she was everything Don wanted in a woman; she had boobies and a heartbeat. However, she drank too much vodka and he could afford her no longer. Bitch.