MATCHBOX 20 AVERSION THERAPY

You consider yourself to be an immensely cool individual. You set the standards for good taste in music. And yet, when that insipid ditty "Push" comes on the radio, you find yourself tapping your toes, even humming along. Does this sound like yourself, or someone like you? If it does, you're a victim of the taste disorder known as Matchbox 20 non-loathing, in its most virulent form, "Matchbox 20 liking."  The epidemic seems to be dying down, but it could flare up again if they come out with a new album (God forbid).
Millions of people are afflicted, but only a tiny percentage seek help. Most don't even want to be helped, but for the ones that do, a powerful new weapon is available.
                     Dr. Hendricks' Matchbox 20 Aversion Therapy
My patients listen to the music of Matchbox 20 at a high volume while I administer mild electric shocks. Not enough to do a lot of permanent damage, mind you. Just enough to make the listener slightly nauseous, which is the healthy body's correct response to hearing Matchbox 20. In time, the patients learn to become queasy at the sound of Matchbox 20 on their own, and are soon on the fast track to a full recovery of hipness. In fact, I've found that hating Matchbox 20 leads to an aversion to other lame bands, and causes patients to seek out new and better music. So if you want more details on how Dr. Hendricks can help you become a paragon of impeccable taste, or if you want to (ha ha) defend Matchbox 20,
e-mail [email protected]

The above pic is just an artist's conception of what the Matchbox 20 boys might look like if they showed their true selves. But below is a totally unretouched closeup of the second guy from the left. It's kinda blurry, but he appears to be wearing a satanic, upside-down cross earring!!! These dorks are giving devil-worshipping a bad name!

Matchbox 20 news:
Acck! They've unleashed a sickening new album! A new weapon in their war against good music! More sadistic ear-torture! (To be completely honest, I've only heard a couple songs, I haven't listened to the whole album...but can you blame me?) Also their lead singer got some richly undeserved grammies for his collaboration with the over-rated Carlos Santana. And they insist on being called "Matchbox Twenty" now, with the "Twenty" spelled out. But I think I'll just keep writing "Matchbox 20", just to show a little disrespect.

DISCLAIMER: Dr. Hendricks is not a doctor of medicine or psychiatry. He has a mail-order degree in snackology from Mr. Cool Whip.