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| MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE (ba-naaaaaaaaaaa!) |
| MAX and I have come to the conclusion that we are the only people who view this site (with the exception of the casual vagrant wanderings of Bea (BEA!!!) or Mark's annual guestbook signing). And, considering I MAKE the site I really shouldn't count. So, because I have a pretty good idea that no one besides Max will even think of wasting their time reading my website, I have decided to add this section. This page will be the description (and possible chronicling) of the ongoing attempts to achieve the Impossible Mission. The mission that makes the NSA scoff and the CIA laugh in one's face. The mission that could change the world and possibly violate the laws of thermodynamics (and therefore create a paradox large enough to destroy the universe, Marty!) The mission that has left many dead and wounded in it's history of attempts. Ok, maybe not dead. Or wounded. But it's still very Impossible. And it's a Mission. And it is a mission that has only been achieved by the most skilled operatives. The objective of the mission, Codename OPERATION LION'S DEN, is to gain temporary, and possibly unrestricted, access to Rory's House. |
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| Ahh, seasoned secret agents, I can hear you gasp from here! OP LION'S DEN (hereby referred to as OPLD) turn's one's blood cold! To think, that one could actually be allowed to enter and spend quality time in The Holy Abode with the one and only Rory and live to tell about it! Not that she'd kill you or anything, she's really nice. But the beasts gruading the palace entrance long for the taste of succulent human flesh! Ok, maybe not. Really, there is no legitimate excuse for never going to Rory's house. Right, Max? Right! But here's a list of possible mission strategies anyway: |
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| top secret counter! |
| OPLD: SIMPLE CONCORD This approach is clearly the most obvious and the one that is least problematic for both sides. It involves simply being invited over to Rory's house. No gadgets, no sleeping darts, and absoulutely no catapaults; just a simple invitation. So sit and wait because it's rude just to invite yourself over (duh). Then, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! OPLD: ODYSSICAL DIRECTIVE This approach involves more skill and, consequentially, is one of the more difficult approaches. First one would need to find either Shane MacGowan, Jimmy Fallon, or a strapping young man from IMSA bearing homemade ice cream. Then the skilled operative would have to befreind the subject and study their speech patterns and mannerisms until they can finish the sentance coming out of the subject's mouth. It would then be nescessary to get them extremely drunk (one of the subjects will succumb very easily to this) and wait until they pass out. A copy of their face must be made. Then the operative must return and complete OPLD by ringing Rory's doorbell and suprising her as Jimmy Fallon/strapping young man from IMSA/drunken ashtray. Of course Rory will be dissapointed when, several hours later, your face melts off, but hey at least it's MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! OPLD: CLANDESTINE UKRANIAN ALLY This strategy requires you to drop however much money you need to on a first class ticket from Cali to Chi-town for our former operative Constantine. He will need to be briefed on the mission (this basically entails making sure he won't be "acting all weird" so Rory wont be afraid to let him into the house). Then Constantine must show up at her door with a smile and a good joke to suprise her from a trans-national visit. Once Rory has granted Constantine entrance, he will discreetly let you, the skilled operative, in through the back door. Just use your spy-sense (or your Chameleon Suit) to somehow evade Rory's attention as you sit on her living room couch with her and Constantine. I guess. Nah, that one wouldn't work. Maybe. You might be better off leaving Constantine be and recruiting Nick. That might help. Maybe. Yes. No. But in any case, I have to be consistent and end the description with MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! OPLD: DESPERATE TIMES, DESPERATE MEASURES This one only works if you are me. Invite everybody over, then set your house on fire. Then go ring Rory's doorbell and tell her that EVERYBODY's here and you've got great movies to watch, but your house is on fire. Maybe she'll let you in. Or me. Max, I'm running a little thin here...oh yeah MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! OPLD: CRAZY MAX AND CRAZY BEA Something about catapaults and homemade fireworks and a seige. I threw in a killer mouse controlling a robot duplicate of her cat to make things intresting. The plan is as impossible as the mission as far as rescources are concerned. Consult Max (that's you) or Bea for details. Ehh. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! OPLD: RORY NEEDS A LIFE, DAMNIT, SO WERE GONNA TEACH HER SOME SOCI...SOCIAL SKILLS! This mission is near impossible, cause this is someting Rory just has to do herself. But I'm sure she'd let us into her house if we had somebody from Buckingham palace who trains people to be charming and witty. Like a princess trainer! Like in The Princess Diaries! Yes! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! OPLD: THE EMPIRE'S DYING DAY This mission entails that, unless you are a master at not being caught by the police like certain turkish crimelords who's name's happen to rhyme with Seyser Koze, you will be prosecuted for murder, so make sure it's a homelss guy cause you'll get off pretty easy. But anyway, all you to do is get a reaaally long stick. Preferably a pole. Then go and kill youself a whole slew of English people (preferably not my mom) and stick all their heads on the stick. Then go march around Rory's house all like "Hey, i like irish people and i KILL english people!" and she'll be so charmed she'll let you in. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! |