Those who consider
themselves "Transgender" (the "T" in GLT BDSM) claim that
they are a perfectly normal expression of naturally-occurring Human sexual
diversity.
They would have us
celebrate this diversity, not merely accept its existence matter-of-factly.
The following
definitions of Transgender and Transgenderist will
suffice for the purpose of this discussion:
Transgender: 1) Transgender (sometimes shortened
to trans or TG) people are those whose psychological
self ("gender identity") differs from the social expectations for the
physical sex they were born with. To understand this, one must understand the
difference between biological sex, which is one’s body (genitals, chromosomes,
etc.), and social gender, which refers to levels of masculinity and femininity.
Often, society conflates sex and gender, viewing them as the same thing. But,
gender and sex are not the same thing. Transgender
people are those whose psychological self ("gender identity") differs
from the social expectations for the physical sex they were born with. For
example, a female with a masculine gender identity or who identifies as a man.
2) An umbrella term for transsexuals, cross-dressers (transvestites), transgenderists, gender queers, and people who identify as
neither female nor male and/or as neither a man or as a woman. Transgender is
not a sexual orientation; transgender people may have any sexual orientation.
It is important to acknowledge that while some people may fit under this definition
of transgender, they may not identify as such.
Transgenderist: A person who lives either full time,
or most of the time, in a gender role different than the role associated with
their biological or chromosomal sex (a gender non-conformist).
The above definitions
are to be found on the following URL: http://tinyurl.com/89sxu
We see from the
definition above that the understanding of Transgender is based upon the
assumption that there is a difference between one's sex and one's gender.
People who define themselves as Transgender not only assume that there is a
difference between one's sex and one's gender, they assume that this is the
natural, normal state of being for Humans and would have those who are not Transgender
accept this as a natural, normal state as well. If we accept this assumption
then Transgenderism, a state in which a person does
not experience himself or herself as being of one and the same sex inside and
out, must be accepted as a perfectly normal and natural part of the diversity
of Human sexuality.
It is being demanded of
us that we accept that it is normal and natural that one's perception of
oneself is vastly at variance with others' perception of him or her. Demanded
of us it is. It has become politically incorrect to question the normalcy of transgenderism and those who voice a doubt that it is
normal are met with every bit of the verbal violence that homosexuals and transgendered people are met with by their
ultra-conservative counterparts. There is no reason not to believe, given the
level of verbal violence that many people who identify as transgendered
allow themselves to engage in when their claims are questioned, that would they
could, they might allow themselves the physical violence that the homophobic
engage in as well.
Diversity amongst
individuals can be advantageous to a species and/or the ecosystem in which the
species exists, disadvantageous to the species and/or the ecosystem in which
the species exists or neither particularly advantageous nor catastrophically disadvantageous,
so long as the diversity remains within a
given percentage of the population.
As a species, Humans
are marked by differing Races. We are
diverse in some of our physical characteristics. That diversity has aided our adaptation to
our environments and is certainly advantageous within the given environment
that the adaptation occurred in. Take a
light-skinned Celt out of the
There are types of
defects that are so catastrophic to the bearer that there can be no advantage
to the individual or the species whatsoever. They are wholly destructive to the
individual, do not perpetuate or serve the species and are often destructive to
the individual's surroundings as well. Psychoses and major personality disorder
fall under this category, as do the devastating physical disorders.
There are some types of
differences among individuals in a species that are always disadvantageous to
the individual to some extent and will become catastrophically disadvantageous
to the species if those who bear them exceed a given percentage of the general
population. Albinos, epileptics and
dwarves are three examples of individuals who bear a disorder, defect or
syndrome that affects their functioning to some extent and which, if they were
to multiply in numbers unchecked in the species, would impact negatively upon
the entire species. It is clearly a disadvantage to the individual to be born
an albino, an epileptic or a dwarf. The
individual will, no doubt, be unable to partake in many, but not in all, of the
activities that further the welfare of the species, but so long as they remain
within a given percentage the species can tolerate, even accept their existence
with equanimity.
Neuroses and other
psychological disturbances are among the disorders that impinge upon one's
individual functioning to some extent, and affect society negatively to some
extent, but which are not catastrophic to the individual so long as he or she
can function for the most part, or to the species so long as the majority of
individuals in the species are not disturbed.
As in the case of
illness that are always and in all ways detrimental, the defects that fall into
the category of those that make existence and survival more difficult, but not
untenable, can be congenital, acquired and some can be both.
It should be needless
to say that any acts of cruelty toward those who possess a defect, whether
congenital or acquired or both should be punished to the full extent of the
law. Certainly those who have chosen to modify their appearance because they
experience themselves as a sex and gender other than they appear without
modification must not be objects of ridicule for so doing and any violence
perpetrated upon their persons should be punished vigorously.
While individuals born
with defects are entitled to every respect, dignity, opportunity, advantage,
etc. in every sphere of life that their condition allows, and it must be
illegal to limit an individual who possesses a debility more than the debility
itself necessitates limitation, we cannot deny the fact that those who possess
a deformity, disability or illness of some kind are, in fact, afflicted to
whatever the extent may be.
There is absolutely no
benefit to the species in being Transgender. It is not an expression of Human
diversity that serves the individual, the species and the environment, as would
being unusually fertile, of above-average intelligence or strength or possessing
greater empathy than do most people. Thinking of oneself as one gender, when
objective reality says something else or thinking of oneself as having no
gender at all, when one bears the primary and secondary characteristics of a
given sex that are observed clearly by objective observers cannot be considered
an expression of Human diversity that we should foster, encourage and "celebrate".
Wanting to have one's
genitals changed surgically in order to be on the outside what "one is on
the inside" cannot be considered a mental/emotional state that serves the
furtherance of our species as a whole.
However, neither is Transgenderism a wholly catastrophic illness, deformity or
defect that impacts wholly negatively on the individual, the species and his or
her environment as are, for instance, Muscular Dystrophy, Spina
Bifida, extreme intractable psychosis or Tay Sachs.
Neither is the state of
having a perfectly healthy male or female body, while experiencing oneself as
the opposite sex within to be considered a psychosis, although normally when
one perceives one's own body or self in a way that does not accord with
objective reality we are dealing with one who is hallucinating. This is not the case with Transgenderism. Transgenderism is a
species of neurosis or personality maladjustment. As long as the person focuses
the perceptual distortion on one aspect of his or her being (the person's
gender) and can function otherwise normally in society, there is no reason to
label Transgenderism as a psychosis.
Each case in which an
individual wishes to undergo irreversible surgery that involves amputation or
modification of the genitals and hormone therapy must be very carefully
scrutinized by a panel of psychiatrists and other health care professionals.
Transgenderism is a catch-all term for a rather large
number of disorders that are characterized by various psychological and/or physiological
abnormalities. However, Transgender individuals can function as normal Human
beings in most spheres of Human existence and society. The disorders, then, are
of a similar order as epilepsy, albinism, dwarfism and various neuroses. We see
that people who define themselves as Transgender are among those who possess
illnesses, deformities and genetic abnormalities that allow them to function
fairly well and not impact catastrophically on the species and the environment
– so long as the number of individuals possessing them do not exceed a given
percentage per capita.
While Transgenderism must be accepted in civil society, it should
be seen for what it is: A disorder that causes us no harm as long as the
percentage of people who define themselves as Transgender remains stable, but
potentially harmful if the percentage grows.
Since it is entirely
possible, if not likely, that the types of Transgendered
individuals who are in possession of a normal body but perceive themselves as
being other than the sex that is observed objectively are suffering from
acquired neuroses, it behooves us to determine what the causes of such errant
self-identification are and prevent the disorders from occurring. For all of
their bravado and claims of "transgender pride" they suffer miserably
for the most part.
On the physiological
level, it is important that science develop ways to insure that fewer babies
are hermaphrodites or pseudo-hermaphrodites. Their sexual ambiguity is very
real and will, no doubt, lead to psychological and social problems in addition
to the congenital defects.
The fact that some
cultures, particularly some Native American tribes have been found that seem to
have accepted transgenderism and incorporated them
into the general culture, is not proof of their normalcy. Neither is the
oft-heard claim that transgenderism is the physical expression
of lofty "spirituality" that cannot be attained but by being transgendered to be taken seriously. The following is said
about the "berdache":
"Since the berdache could mix characteristics of both genders, they
were viewed as having a special status as if "blessed" by the gods.
They were thought to be the "middle gender," and seen as prophets and
visionaries having an almost mystic and psychic vision into the future. They
were often consulted by tribal elders and chieftains because they were thought
to have a kind of "universal knowledge" and special connection to the
"great spirit." (See: http://tinyurl.com/bwuzg)
Let's compare what
has been said about the "berdache" above
with what has been said about epileptics, not only historically, that is that
they are possessed (positively and negatively) of unusual spirituality, but
which modern research bears out:
"Spirituality, but not participation in organized religion,
called higher in people with epilepsy
Although most people with epilepsy do not consider themselves
more religious or spiritual than other people, a recent study suggests
otherwise.
The study, reported at the American Neurological Association
meeting in October, was conducted by Dr. Thomas Hayton
and associates, of the
Dr. Hayton and his research team gave a
standard questionnaire on religious belief and spirituality to 91 people with
epilepsy. They then compared the results to standard norms for the rest of the
population.
The team reports that this group of people with
epilepsy were more religious and spiritual than the general population.
They scored higher than others in terms of daily, personal
spiritual experiences (feeling the presence of God, love, deep inner peace, and
the beauty of creation). They also scored higher in measures of the strength of
their spiritual beliefs and values.
On the other
hand, they were less likely than the general population to attend religious
services or to participate in activities of congregations or in private prayer." (See http://tinyurl.com/aw67k)
As an
epileptic, I can bear out the fact that these clinical observations are true. I
am possessed of hyper-religiosity and have experienced direct contact with God
during absence seizures when my consciousness was not otherwise entertained,
but rather suspended. Many years of my life were spent being totally engrossed in
Jewish mysticism. With all that, I am fully aware of the fact that I am also
possessed of a disorder that it characterized by a rather unpleasant syndrome
of symptoms that impinges on my functioning and would not wish for society to
accept me as Exhibit A of perfectly normal or that which it is desirable to
be. There are healthy ways of achieving
God-consciousness. One need not be epileptic to experience what I have
experienced during absence seizures. I am likewise aware that if people with my
affliction were to proliferate, the species, as a whole, would be adversely
affected. I therefore do not accept the claim of transgendered
people that they are possessed of a unique "spirituality" that cannot
be attained in a salubrious manner that serves the individual, the species and
the environment.
The Egyptians
respected dwarves and even represented some of their deities as dwarves, yet
this in no wise should be interpreted that dwarfism is either
normal nor desirable.
A number of
cultures made eunuchs of young boys for a number of reasons, as is generally
known. Some of those eunuchs held very respectable, and even important,
positions in their societies, but that does not change the fact that they were
mutilated.
The proof of whether a
given condition is normal, healthy and a boon to the species is in the sexual
pudding. In contradistinction to Bisexual females who, according to a recent
British study, constitute at least 50% of the general population of females,
this given the fact that they still feel inhibited by heterosexual societal
norms (See: http://tinyurl.com/c83h6).
Transgendered people, like others who possess a
physical defect, whether congenital or acquired that impinges upon their
functioning to some extent and which can be tolerated by the species so long as
they remain within a given percentage of the general population, like dwarves,
the obese, albinos, etc. are not generally physically attractive to the general
population. The vast majority of healthy
individuals are not sexually attracted to people bearing physical or mental
abnormalities. Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, the French Post-Impressionist
painter suffered two broken legs as a child, which inhibited the growth of his
legs. As a result,
his stature was dwarf-like. While we cannot deny his genius and contribution to
culture, neither can we deny that his physical deformity impacted only
negatively on his place in society and personal love life. He was not seen as a
desirable lover or mate, despite the fact that he hailed from a noble family.
It is entirely possible
that individuals may fall in love with individuals who possess an abnormality
of some kind despite the abnormality. However, rarely does someone find
himself or herself attracted to the person because of an
abnormality. In the cases where one is
attracted to the abnormality, per se, we say it is a fetish or a
"kink".
Humans tend, for the
most part, to be attracted to those who are fit to perpetuate the species.
Bisexual women are
physically and behaviorally indistinguishable from heterosexual women in the
presence of men. They do not bear physical characteristics specific or peculiar
to them as do transgendered women and many lesbians. Bisexual
women are not only sexually attractive to heterosexual men; their Bisexuality
often stirs the men to greater attraction to them. Many, men, find
Bisexual women more exciting than heterosexual women. The thought of a woman making
love to a woman is a very arousing and common fantasy that many men would live
out if presented with the possibility to make love to more than one women,
particularly if the women exhibit erotic behavior one toward the other. But a
Bisexual woman need not be actively bisexual in the presence of man to excite
him. The very thought that she is bisexual aroused him to exciting fantasies. Bisexuality
in women, then, is a boon to the propagation of the species because Bisexual
women are no less attractive to men than are heterosexual women, and often more
so.
None of the sexualities
under the GLT BDSM rubric, that Bisexuality has been subsumed, wholly
incorrectly, under can make the claim that they serve the perpetuation of the
species. They are, in fact,
disadvantageous.
I should have guessed
that someone would try to refute me by dragging all of
Someone wrote:
"I'm sure there are trans people in
I responded:
I offer the following
in response to the hateful and abysmally ignorant comment above:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dana_International
She says: "I am
representing a liberal
Would the
She was given a kiss on
the cheek by the country's Minister of Foreign Affairs upon her return, having
won the contest with her hit song "Viva
Another famous singer
in
She recently decided to
opt for surgery and look female on the outside.
And this: "The
Pink City Local tourism officials plan on turning Tel Aviv into the gay capital
of the world; Israel Hotel Association official: Tel Aviv and gay people are a
perfect fit Tel Aviv is known throughout the world as “The White City” due to
the many Bauhaus-style structures that adorn its streets, but the city may soon
be called “The Pink City,” as tourism industry heads are planning on
transforming the city into the gay capital of the world, Israel’s leading
newspaper Yedioth Ahronoth
reported. “Tel Aviv and gay people are a perfect fit,” an Israel Hotel
Association (IHA) official said."
Tel Aviv is more
"out" than
The key word is
"tolerant", not deluding ourselves with the hallucination that this
is the norm. We accept their existence, but know where to draw the lines. We
don't let them describe the lines of what is normal for the majority.
That was the message in
my piece.
One of the reasons that
the transsexuals are accepted in Israeli society and can be what they are is
because they have never tried to push what they are militantly on everybody
else as do their American counterparts. You are so right that they act exactly
like the fundies. The pugnacious and desperate tone
of their demands will never get them the acceptance they want.
The following can be found on the Google Group alt.polyamory on the
"Transgender – A Matter of Diversity?" thread that I initiated.
The interchanges below are not typical
of the types of responses that I usually receive on alt.polymory. Most are
belligerent in the extreme and characterized by unrestrained argumentum ad
hominem, though none of them are even casually acquainted with me.
For people who are
soi-disant personifications of "diversity", the GLT BDSM
"alliance" are dismayingly intolerant of
dissenting opinion. Anyone who is not heterosexual and monogamous is
expected to accept all of the other sexualities as normal without
question. Those who do not can expect verbal violence that rivals that of
the worst of the homophobes. It is disheartening how like they are
to those they purport to stand in enlightened contradistinction to.
I chose to respond to the challenges
below because they allowed me the opportunity for some kind of exchange that was
minimally civil, something that occurs on that board all too infrequently.
I should have guessed that someone
would try to refute me by dragging all of Israel into the matter.
Someone wrote: "I'm sure there
are trans people in Israel, but I would bet on very very few being out, even to
themselves."
I responded:
I offer the following in response to
the hateful and abysmally ignorant comment above: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dana_International
Would the US send a transexual as the
country's representative to an international song festival?
She was given a kiss on the cheek by
the country's Minister of Foreign Affairs upon her return, having won the
contest with her hit song "Viva Victoria", which was all about trans
liberation.
Another famous singer in Israel is a
pseudo-hermaphrodite who my daughter went to school with. Her voice is
absolutely amazing. I've never heard anyone with a voice like that before.
She recently decided to opt for
surgery and look female on the outside.
And this: http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3169556,00.html
Tel Aviv is more "out" than
San Francisco. It is not unusual to see people in Tel Aviv cross-dressed in the
streets or wearing dog collars and the like.
Israel in general is a vastly more
tolerant society than the US is.
The key word is "tolerant",
not deluding ourselves with the hallucination that this is the norm. We accept
their existence, but know where to draw the lines. We don't let them describe
the lines of what is normal for the majority.
One of the reasons that the
transexuals are accepted in Israeli society and can be what they are is because
they have never tried to push what they are militantly on everybody else as do
their American counterparts. The pugnacious and desperate tone of their demands
will never get them the acceptance they want. They act more like fundies than
the fundies.
I don't hate transexuals.
Unfortunately, many transexuals do.
Question: "So the existence of
people who feel the need to challenge oppressive and wasteful gender roles
doesn't strike you as beneficial in any way?"
My response:
The GLT BDSMers are beneficial to us
in the sense that the existence of all of who are disadvantaged in some way
provide the impetus for us to become more understanding and sensitive and do
our best to create the conditions for their welfare. The families and those who
are close to people who have dealt with catastrophic illness and crises of
other kinds come out enriched. So those who come in contact with the GLT
BDSMers are enriched. They have touched the lives of the afflicted.
Question: "The justification for
bisexuality is that it could out compete heterosexuality for partners and any
additional reproduction is somehow an advantage for a species already under
serious population pressure?"
My response:
Physically and psychologically healthy
Bisexual women are more attractive to both heterosexual and bisexual men than
are their heterosexual female counterparts. We, therefore, having more
opportunity and choices with whom to mate, are in a position of choosing which
traits we wish to see in our children and what kind of male imagos we want for
our children than are female heterosexuals. We Bisexual woman are in a position
of consciously choosing our mates for intelligence, health, high libidos,
affluence, etc. more so than our heterosexual women, except perhaps those who are
particularly beautiful, intelligent, rich or have some other advantage over
other heterosexual women. Both heterosexual and Bisexual men simply find
Bisexual women very, very attractive and desirable. If we are aware of our
advantage over other sexualities, we can purposefully affect the ongoing
evolution of the species both in the physical and cultural realms in a way that
heterosexual women and GLTers simply cannot compete with.
Remark: "You don't even attempt
to discuss the historical (and IMO wholly correct) reasons for an LGBT alliance
- and to drop you another hint, BDSM rightts have sadly never been a part of
that and I see little difference between heterosexual and non-heterosexual
groups on that front."
My response:
I have treated this subject in a few
essays. If you care to, you can read them on:
http://www.geocities.com/dordot2001/Polyamory_Israel.html
Once, thinking we are a minority and
laboring under the delusion that we would find understanding, a sense of
belonging and brotherhood among the GLTers, bisexuals took refuge under the GLT
umbrella. We were treated like the beautiful step-sister from the first. In
fact, it was from the reaction that I received from the GLT alliance that I
began to rethink myself as a Bisexual woman. For instance, there are no events
specifically for Bisexuals at the Gay Open Houses in Israel. When I tried to
join Orthodykes, a group of Orthodox Jewish gay women, they told me that as a
Bisexual I could have either a man or a woman and so had no place among them. It
was the GTL reaction to me that made me realize that I was a swan.
It transpires that Bisexual women are
not a minority. The following was found in the recently conducted "Great
British Sex Survey": "Nearly 50% of women would sleep with another
woman if they knew that nobody would find out, while 14% of men would sleep
with a man under the same circumstances." (See: http://uk.news.yahoo.com/hot/sex-survey/index.html)
We are not a minority. We are the
majority of women. We do not need to be part of the GLT alliance, whose
jealousy and hostility was palpable historically.
Remark: "You also conflate
intersex and transexual issues, something which often does disservice to both
groups."
My response:
Please clarify. I do not know what you
mean.
Remark: "Finally, it's normal to
have some unusual people about and that's something society should indeed get
used to. Social diversity isn't just about the evolutionary advantage of the
race, it's about societies worthy of the term 'civilised'."
My response:
If you ever come to Israel, you really
must "do" Tel Aviv. Our Shenkin Street rivals anything in San
Francisco. In Tel Aviv, people dress as they are not only in clubs, but on the
streets and at work at well.
It is true that some religious people
balked that Dana International would be Israel's representative at the
Eurovision Contest, but public opinion won out. She received the backing of
government officials. How many countries can claim that their national
representative to an international song festival is a transsexual who sang a
song like "Viva Victoria" wearing a slinky black gown festooned with
rainbow-colored plumes and won the contest?
Upon her return to Israel, her
popularity soared. She is hardly the only openly gay or trans entertainer in
Israel.
The situation can be summed up in her
own words: "I am representing a liberal Israel, an Israel which accepts
the human being no matter how you are, no matter how you look like and no matter
what sex or race you are." -Dana International
Here in Israel we have a very liberal
approach to these matters, but we retain our common sense. A good deal of
Israel's population hails from very large, extended families. They are
accustomed to seeing diversity among people and each is loved accepted as one
of the family. We know the difference between diversity that is normal and
natural and that which is not. While we accept both as "us", we do
not confound that which is salubrious with that which is not.
Thank you for the opportunity to be
able to respond this way.
Response to yet another interlocutor
who writes:
you wrote: of "... the tide that
is washing
> common sense up upon the shoals
of political correctness, whereupon
> it is being smashed."
>
> Where do you perceive that to be
happening? How, and in what context,
> is "common sense" being
"smashed upon political correctness"? Is this
> something you see in US
culture?"
I responded:
Yes, I see the tactics of American
counter-cultures being oddly mimetic of those against whom they are reacting.
Those tactics include, but are not limited to: denying free speech to those who
do not concur (ridiculing dissenting opinions, laughing at people who do not
fit the "clique", degrading with ugly name calling, marginalizing…),
browbeating, making dissenters feel mentally and/or inferior, disseminating
propaganda misinformation and disinformation. I have been subjected to as many
of those techniques on this list as I would expect to encounter on a fundie list.
It is particularly true of Americans,
but it is also true of cultures that get their cultural cues from the States
and are in the American sphere of "cultural" influence, most
particularly English-speaking countries.
I perceive the phenomenon happening in
the militancy and pugnacious stance of the GLT alliance. Not only are they
pushing for recognition and for equal treatment *as people* who can live their
sexual lives freely and express their sexuality openly in society, with which I
agree and support wholeheartedly, they are demanding to be accepted as
expressions of normal Human sexuality and full partners in the descriptions of
normal and species-furthering Human sexuality. This does not jibe with reality.
GLTers do not participate in the propagation of the species the way that
bisexuals and heterosexuals do.
I see it much like the case of the
priesthood. While I recognize their rights as people and they must be extended
every privilege and dignity, by virtue of the fact that they live a life of celibacy
(and it doesn't matter at all if that is a choice, they were pushed into the
clergy by their families as in yestercenturies, or they have some sexual
dysfunction that renders them celibate) they cannot, must not, be in a position
to tell others how to live their sexual lives, though they should be free
themselves to live as they wish.
Enlightened people in our times
bristle at the idea that a celibate Pope decides sexual norms for sexually
active people who are propagating the species and we see that it is patently
ridiculous, yet they exercised that power abusively for many centuries and
still do over some faithful. Today that power has been wrested from them to a
great extent and they are in no longer in position to dictate a definition of
normal Human sexuality to the masses.
The sexuality of the priesthood, or
lack thereof, is so abnormal that they have to be left out of the decision
making loop, even as their existence as an oft-occurring Human sexual variation
is accepted.
So it is when GLTs, who do not
participate in the propagation of the species, tell us what is normal. Their
existence must be accepted, but they are to be left out of the defining of what
is fully normal and species-furthering for the vast majority.
There are also cases of Human
sexuality that are quite prevalent that we cannot allow any social
acceptability to: that would include all those cases in which there exists no
real reciprocity and equality of desire: zoophilia, incest, pedophilia,
necrophilia, sex with the infirm who are not in a position to lend consent or
desire, rape, sex that is lorded by someone in a greater position of authority
over those who are dependent upon them.
If those who practice the above forms
of Human sexuality were to say to you that they are naturally occurring
diversities of Human sexuality, would you allow them to do as they will? Would
you bring them into the loop of those who define normal Human sexuality for the
majority?
Take the example of dwarves. Probably
the culture that gave them the most respect, even deified them in some cases,
were the ancient Egyptians. Yet the ancient Egyptians did not gear their
architecture and furnishings toward the needs of dwarves for reasons of common
sense and common good. Would you want to live in a home that was built to the
specifications of the needs of dwarves? It is not impossible to imagine that
some day a group of militant dwarves will declare themselves perfectly normal
Human variations and say that they are tired of living with everything being too
big and demand that everything be scaled down to what is comfortable for them.
Do you think this is absurd? Fifty years ago people would have thought that the
demands of the GLT BDSMers are impossible.
Simply, the majority, that is to say
those who already define themselves as Bisexual and the heterosexuals who are
discovering that they have always really been Bi, cannot be expected to live in
a society the definitions of sexuality of which are described by a minority
whose sexuality is not optimally healthy.
The GLT and certainly the BDSM
communities simply cannot be the gauge against which we draw our parameters of
what are normal Human sexualities.
Finally:
> "That's a very strange
definition of bisexuality to British ears. Among
> the British women I know, most of
them have "slept" with a woman,
> i.e. had sex with a woman, but
very few of them regard themselves as
> bisexual. Most regard that as
simply how most heterosexual women are,
> and consider themselves to be
most definitely heterosexual. In the UK
> we tend to reserve the term
"bisexual" to someone who makes a habit of
> having sexual relationships with
people of both sexes, not just someone
> who has done it once or twice,
and certainly not to someone who hasn't
> even done it, but says they would
do it if nobody would ever find out!
>
> Is there some sort of
cross-cultural misinterpretation going on here? "
I responded:
Excellent point. Indeed the almost 50%
of the women who took The Great British Sex Survey who said they would sleep with
a woman if they knew they wouldn't be caught, did not say they define
themselves as Bisexual.
You may be familiar with the
descriptions of Bisexuality to be found on this link: http://tinyurl.com/aq5b7
. (Parenthetically, what is written about what I term "the Cinderella
treatment" of the Bisexuals at the hands of the gays and lesbians should
be noted. There never was a "GLBT alliance". The existence of a
"GLBT alliance" is a myth disseminated for political purposes and in
order to prop up the GLT numbers. We were made to feel ugly ducklings from the
first. That is what first gave me my cue that we are, in fact, the swans.)
I digressed, but necessarily so. The
truth I expressed above bears repetition in order to counter the "GLBT
alliance" myth. Getting back to your observation, Chris: I would define
females who have had consensual sex with another as females who have expressed
their inherent and natural Bisexuality. I say female because for many of us the
encounters occur when we are still young, not yet women, before society takes
over and tells us how we must express our sexuality, before we have been told
we are doing "something wrong".
Again: I would define any female who
consensually has engaged, or would consensually engage, in sex or erotic
foreplay with another female to be expressing her innate Bisexuality. That
usually happens for the first time sometime in childhood, most often in early
childhood.
Being bisexual is not dependent upon
being soi-disant Bisexual, any more than being beautiful is a matter of
describing oneself as beautiful. Women, the historic victims of definition from
without, are notoriously bad at self-definition. Studies have shown that
college-aged women typically self-describe in ways far more disparaging than
the ways that others see them. They do not give themselves enough credit for
their intelligence, social skills, beauty, capabilities…Why should we assume
that women credit themselves with Bisexuality realistically? Being self-defined
as Bisexual requires a great deal of self-awareness and self-confidence, going
as it does against both the straight and gay social tides as it does.
Thank God that is changing for the
youngsters. In my last phone call to my daughter, who has always experienced
herself as Bisexual, she told me that among young people in Tel Aviv (she's 21)
if one evinces a lack of having self-defined sexually they are thought odd for
having acquiesced to another's definition of who they are.
My daughter and I didn't know the
other was Bisexual until about three or four years ago when she brought the
subject up with me at lunch one day. She said: "Mom, I'm Bi." I
answered: "Me too." We had a good laugh.
Having "slept" with a woman
certainly cannot be said to be the "way heterosexual women are". I
wouldn't expect that a Philosophy professor would repeat so illogical a
statement. It is not logical to make a statement like that. It is acquiescing
to societal definitions, inaccurate definitions, based on historical norms. For
all of its outward decadence and, Britain remains quite steeped in its
traditions. One even has to be queer in a traditional way, much like in the US.
The fact that many young women still acquiesce to societal norms in Britain is
evinced clearly in the proviso that the women who would have sex with other
women would do so IFF no one would find out.
There is no magic number of sexual
encounters with both sexes that determines if one is Bisexual. I think it is
the openness and willingness to have sex with both sexes and/or the falling in
love with members of both sexes that determines if one is Bisexual.
Of course, there are more evolved
expressions of female Bisexuality among those who have embraced their
Bisexuality, do self-define as such and have opened themselves up fully to the
possibility of loving individuals of both sexes.
As an aside, I think the disparity in
the percentages of women who took The Great British Sex Survey who said they
would sleep with a woman if no one would find out, almost 50%, as opposed to
the men who said the same, about 14%, is very interesting. It bears out my
suspicion that Bisexuality is the norm for the majority for women, but not for
the majority of men.
Doreen Ellen Bell-Dotan, Tzfat, Israel
[email protected]