Obscene Contraband
Returning from a sensual vacation in
Sho' nuff, they heard
the feigned polite, authoritarian voice of a policeman coming through a
bullhorn. "Pull your car over to the side of the road, please."
Joe Jones pulled over, rolled his window
down and said: "Good evening, officers. What's the problem? I don't
believe I was driving over the speed limit."
"No, sir, you weren't. We have been tipped off that you and
your wife are attempting to enter the holy land of the
state of Abalamala with obscene
contraband."
Joe Jones gasped as if horrified and said: "Us? Mary and Joseph Jones? Obscene contraband?
Why, we have been members in good standing of the White and
"We've received information, and we must investigate.
Now, please cooperate and tell us where the contraband is."
"There is none. We don't know what you're talking
about."
"Please get out of the car." Mary and Joe Jones
got out of their car and the two policemen proceeded to check every inch of
their car. "There's nothing in the trunk."
"There isn't anything in the glove compartment or under the
hood either."
"Check under the seats and under the carpeting. Check under
the dashboard. It must be here somewhere. Think, Murphy, where the hell would
somebody stash a butt plug and a vibrating egg?"
"Dunno, sir. Sir?"
"Yeah, Murphy. What is it?"
"What came first? The vibrating chicken or
the vibrating egg?"
The senior officer looked levelly at the more junior
officer. He was clearly not amused. The two officers found
nothing. Not just a bit frustrated and embarrassed the policemen told
Mary and Joe that they could go, got back in their car and drove
away. "My cop's nose tells me they've got it somewhere, Murphy, but
if we can't get our hands on it we can't bust 'em."
Mary and Joe got back in their car looked at one another and
smiled. As they drove away the faintest buzzing could be heard...
Doreen Ellen Bell-Dotan,
[email protected]