The afflatus for the following rewrite comes, oddly, from

Shakespeare –the Yiddish rendition of Shakespeare to be accurate.

 

The frontispiece of the book reads:  Shakespeare auf Yiddish – Verdeutschte und Verbessert

 

In that spirit, here you have The Vaselines – if not uebersetzt,

then surely verbessert:

 

First, the original, mediocre, not-quite-grungy-enough lyrics:

 

Come as you are, as you were,

As I want you to be

As a friend, as a friend, as an old enemy

Take your time, hurry up

The choice is yours, don't be late

Take a rest as a friend as an old memoria

Come dowsed in mud, soaked in bleach

As I want you to be

As a trend, as a friend, as an old memoria

And I swear that I don't have a gun

No I don't have a gun

 

A few nips and tucks and it'll be the true grunge it was meant to be:

 

Cum as you are, as you were,

As in my fantasy

As a friend, as two friends, as an old enemia

Take your time, hurry up,

Don't cum before me. Don't be late.

Take a breast from a friend, here's an old mammary

Cum dowsed in mud, soaked in bleach

As I want you to be

As a trend, as a friend, as an old mammary

And I swear that I don't have a gun

No, I don't have a gun

But I do have a dungeon