BIRD
FLEW, UH, FLU
I received the following message just the other day.
There is a lab in Safed that has the responsibility to
check for
diseases in birds. If anyone
finds any birds that are acting
strangely or are dead, please
contact them. If the bird is dead they
will need to have it as soon as
possible, it would be good to cover
it with an upside down pail with
a heavy rock on top or something so
that predators dont get it. Then
call one of these numbers right away
and ask them to pick it up:_______________(numbers provided).
Thanks.
In order to deal
with my fear, I employed the age-old self-defense mechanism of sick humor.
I made a few additions to the notification. The original text is in black, my
additions are in purple:
LABORATORY TO CHECK BIRDS:
There is a lab in Tzfat that has the responsibility to check for diseases in
birds. If anyone finds any birds that are acting strangely or are dead, or both, please contact them. Contact who? The lab or the birds? How does one make contact with birds that are acting
strangely? Those birds may be seriously psychotic. Are there avian
psychiatrists? And how do I contact dead birds? Are there mediums that do
that sort of thing?
If the bird is dead they will need to have it as soon as
possible. It would be good to cover it with an upside down pail. An upside down
pail. Yeah,
right. I always carry one in my back pocket. Put a heavy rock on top or something so that predators
don't get it. On top or something?
What are the options? A heavy rock. Uh huh. I
always have one of those at the ready too. You never know when a predator will
try to eat my pail and I'll have to defend my proprietary rights by bashing its
skull in with a heavy rock. Then call one
of these numbers right away, because
you can't be sure that the bird will still be dead when they get
there if you don't hurry and ask them to
pick it up. Ask them to pick it up?
That sounds pretty Jappy. Pick up what? The bird, the
rock, the pail or the lab?
Doreen Ellen Bell-Dotan,