Today was his day. Joe�s hunger being curbed by his recent Deli-Delight sandwich, he swerved his car into a man in a short sleeve button-up shirt handing out Bibles.
�I wonder what type of turkey that sandwich had on it.� Was the question that occurred to Joe as he watched the Bibles fly into the air. One of the Bibles landed with its pages open on Joe�s hood.
�Hmm, what does Jesus have for me today?� Joe thought. Taking off the front door, and tossing it on the ground, he stepped out of his car. The man that he had hit was laying in the ground in a bloody mess. Joe proceeded to step over the man, and took one of the man�s �Jesus loves you� stickers and stuck it on his own forehead.
�Well, I guess Jesus does love me doesn�t he?� Joe thought. This was his day, and he was going to have his Bible and eat it too.
Joe walked up to the open Bible and peered down to it. �Thou shall not kill.� It read. �Well damn,� Joe thought. �It really was in the Bible. Oh well, I feel like ice cream.�
The man from under the tires started to moan and squirm. As best he could that is. �Good day to you sir, and yes, I know; Jesus loves me. I get it.� Joe stepped over the injured man, and picked up his car door. �I really need to get this thing fixed one of these days.� Joe thought. All of a sudden, a man ran up to the side of the car.
�What do you think you�re doing!? You just hit this man, you can�t just drive away.� The funny angry man said. The man was freckled heavily and made such an attempt to be horrified that Joe just had to laugh. The man wasn�t a very good actor.
�Well, about time you met him then.� thought Joe as he took his grandfather�s six-gun from its side holster. �Does Jesus love you?� Asked Joe as he raised the pistol to point at the man�s freshly combed head.
�Sir, sir, don�t do that, sir, I do believe Jesus loves me, but please don�t point that thing as me.� The man managed to say before his head and body separated like a gingerbread man after a fire-cracker had been strapped to its head.
�Good answer.� Joe said. �Now it�s time to get some ice cream. Hmm.. Strawberry or chocolate? Choices, choices...� Joe murmured before he stuck the door on his car, and drove over the now-screaming missionary. �Ah, that�s better,� Joe thought, now that the sound stopped.
Joe drove a while, thinking about what he would choose once he pulled up the small ice cream shop. He decided on chocolate because heck, everyone likes chocolate. He pulled up to the ice cream stand, �Betty�s Ice Cream Shack,� it was formally titled. �Well I hope Betty has some chocolate ice cream today.� Joe thought. Today was Joe�s day, and he wasn�t about to miss out on anything.
A young woman stuck her head out of the stand, with a warm greeting, which Joe didn�t care to listen to due to her overly consoling voice. Joe didn�t want to be consoled; he could handle the order of ice cream all by himself. He was a big boy.
�Why hello Betty, do you have any chocolate ice cream?� Joe asked rather politely. The woman�s face faded from a warm smile to a look of horror. She had spied the blood on Joe�s clothes, and now wasn�t polite enough to answer Joe�s question.
�I�m sorry if you misheard me, but do you have any chocolate ice cream?� He said in an even tone, becoming slightly annoyed by the very presence of Betty. She still stood there after Joe�s second inquiry. Her eyes were widened to the point where Joe thought they might pop out of her head.
�Can�t a decent man get some ice cream on a Sunday afternoon?� Joe thought to himself as he sped away from the stand. Looking in the rearview mirror, he saw that it had a new shade of red to it where Betty�s face had reorganized itself. �I should�ve been an artist.� He said to himself.
***
�Hey Joe, wake up sweetie, it�s time for your classes.� Joe�s mother Sandy said. �You wouldn�t want to be late for your first day of higher education.�
Joe stirred from within his bed. He didn�t exactly want to go to college right after high school. He would�ve wanted something different, like a vacation, yeah, a vacation would�ve been nice. But instead he�s at home being woken up by his mother. �So must for a vacation Joe thought.�
Downstairs Sandy and her husband Stewart were making breakfast. �How do you feel Joe? First day of the rest of your successful life. You want orange juice and not apple right?�
Joe sat at the table eating the breakfast. He would�ve moved out except the college he was attending was only three blocks away from his home. Why couldn�t he have taken a simple vacation like his friend Roger? He�d been through institutionalized schooling for thirteen years now. Was a little year in between schooling too much to ask?
�Well son, you�d better run, your class is in only twenty minutes. You don�t want to miss any opportunities to meet some new friends and possibly even a girl do you?� He father said while winking. That last wink made Joe want to stab his leg with the fork he was holding.
�Yeah dad, I�m going, I�ll be back after dinner.� Joe left the house and began walking to school. The sprinklers were on in his neighbor�s yard, and he didn�t even try to avoid them. He felt more alive with change.
�Well, let�s do this shall we?� Joe thought. He entered the main class hall, and took the seat closest to the door. He would start his rotation from there. This seat today, another tomorrow. He liked to see what people did when they had to break out of their normal routine for even just a day. People generally didn�t like change.
The various living dead entered the room. Joe watched them intently, reading them as if reading a book. Seeing into their character, seeing what makes them laugh, most importantly, seeing what makes them crawl back to their masters with their tail between their legs.
�Well, hello class.� A gray-haired man with a lopsided gate said as he entered the classroom. �Today, you are not allowed to think. Not like that�s a big change for most of you, but today you are going to memorize things, and then mentally puke them back out on paper. We�ll have so much fun.�
When he finished this, he had walked all the way to the back of the classroom. At that moment, a man in a suit entered, and the gray-haired man looked at his watch as if to say, �right on schedule.� The gray-haired man took a seat as everyone exchanged puzzled looks.
The newcomer began to speak, �Hello class, I am your professor in this course on the introduction to Biology. My name is professor Charles, and I expect the best from each of you. Even you Jerry, he said as he looked at the man in the back of the classroom. Now that that�s over with let�s begin.�
Joe stopped paying attention to what the professor was mumbling about, and thought of the gray-haired man named Jerry. What courage this man had to do what he had done. The rest of the class was giving Jerry their interpretations of evil looks, why Joe was looking at Jerry in awe. Joe knew he had a friend; he just had to meet him now.
***
Still hungry for ice cream, Joe drove on. A short time later, he saw a picnic at the local park. �Ah, a picnic, I love picnics.� Thought Joe, as he pulled into the parking lot. He pulled out his knife to use as a cutting utensil. It may be overly large to use on roast beef, but Joe liked his knife. Checking his image in the rear-view mirror, one last time, he ventured out.