Chapter one

	A cold breeze blew across Jason's naked body.  He pulled the 
covers to try to cover himself better, but they didn't feel right.  
This wasn't his bed.  Startled, he opened his eyes and looked 
around.  He was in a girl's room.  He recognized it.  It was the 
room of his friend’s older sister.  She was away at college and 
his family sometimes let him sleep in it when it got too late for 
him to walk home.  But why was he here now?  They had gone to a 
party last night, he remembered, there were a lot of seniors there 
and lots of beer.  He'd had more than his share, he knew he didn't 
take much to get him drunk and everyone always loved to get him 
drunk, though he never figured out why, but he usually went along 
with it.  And besides, it usually made the night more interesting.  
Oh, like the girl he met last night.  Sober he'd have never gone 
up to her.  Her light brown hair was short and kinda butch, but 
she had the kindest blue eyes.  If he hadn't had been drinking 
he'd have never been able to talk to her.  But as it was, he felt 
he managed a rather credible conversation.  Creditable for someone 
who was half-drunk, maybe more, at the time.  He didn't even 
remember what they talked about.  Or her name...  Or anything that 
happened after.  Somehow he'd ended up back in this room...  
Naked?  Sure enough, his clothes where gone.  He almost panicked 
before he found them next to the bed.  He horridly put them on 
since with the window half open as it was; it was quite chilly in 
the room.  Why was the window open?  He walked over and closed it 
then went back to the bed to get his shirt.  That’s when he saw 
it, a note on the pillow next to the one he'd been sleeping on.  
He read over it slowly.  He couldn’t believe it.  Apparently he'd 
come back here with the girl from last night.  He thought back.  
He couldn't remember anything after about the 2nd cup he was 
passed.  He re-read the letter.  But couldn't gather any more 
clues from it.  Not even the girl's name, she had only signed it 
with her initials.  'S.P.'  and it was done with lots of fancy 
swirls and stuff.  In all, he was amazed.  He had actually spent a 
whole night naked with a girl.  Which brought up the obvious 
question, Did they have sex?  He’d never had sex before so it was 
kinda important to him.  Re-reading the note for a third time he 
decided that, yes, they did have sex.  He was awesome.  He knew 
it.  The girl was totally in love with him.  And if she wouldn't 
have had to get home before her parents woke up she would have 
loved to be there when he woke up...  oh yes...  that’s what it 
was, he was sure.  It was totally meant to be.  Now, if only he 
knew who she was.
	Try as he might he couldn't come up with her name.  She was 
just S.P.  his Special Person...  he actually giggled at that 
thought. 
	he folded the little note and placed it in his back pocket.  
He left the room and went to say good morning to Adam's parents.  
They should be up by now and they probably knew he was there.  He 
wondered if they knew he had a girl there.  Adam's parents where 
out late last night, *that's probably why I took S.P. back here 
instead of to my place.* his parents where home and would have 
freaked at bringing a girl into his room, let alone to stay all 
night.
He caught a whiff of bacon cooking.  *Yep, they’re awake.  I might 
as well find out what they know.*


Chapter Two

	Steve woke up with an odd feeling.  This wasn't his bed.  And 
the lady lying next to him, who was she?  Then it came back.  The 
party, it was the first party he'd ever been to with alcohol, and 
it hit him a harder than he'd assumed it would.  So that explains 
what he was doing in the bed.  Now whose bed was it?  He didn't 
remember leaving with anyone, but that didn't mean too much, he 
didn't remember too much at all from last night.  He was with a 
woman now, he knew that much.  And he'd slept with her all night.  
He’d finally slept with a girl.  He was filled with a mix of 
emotions from pride of finally getting laid, to sadness for not 
being able to remember it.
	He craned his neck as much as he could, but who ever it was 
sleeping on his arm and he didn't want to wake her.  She had dark 
shoulder length hair that spilled across her face.  And she seemed 
very sound asleep.  He decided to run the risk of wakening her to 
remove his arm.  Slowly inch by inch he slid his arm out from 
under her.  Once he was free, he started looking for his 
underwear.  He found it along with the rest of his clothes in a 
pile at the far corner of the room.  Looking around the room it 
looked like a girls room, so, he induced it was probably her room.  
He had stayed at her house all last night.  Her parents where 
probably home.  What was he going to do?  His first time sleeping 
with a girl, which he couldn't even remember, and he was going to 
get busted.  it was already light outside.  He heard the sound of 
footsteps walking towards the room.  His heart froze, he was going 
to get caught, he knew it.  And yet, the footsteps kept going.  He 
was safe.  Except that he was trapped in a room with a naked girl, 
and her parents where waiting just outside waiting to call the 
police on him.  Jail was not the place he most wanted to be on a 
Saturday morning.
	Another glance around the room yielded another option; the 
window had a screen that could easily be popped in and out.  He 
could sneak out through the window and be gone before anyone 
notices him.  He’d done that many times in his own house whenever 
he wanted to meet his friends to play a prank on one of the 
neighbors.  But the thought of leaving like that left him with a 
pang of guilt.  He didn't know the girl in the bed, but he felt 
like he should at least do something for her.  Sneaking out while 
she was still asleep was wrong.  But he also couldn't wake her up.  
He decided he'd do the best he could and write her a romantic 
note.  He took a pad of paper from the draw of her desk, it was 
cute, and it had hearts on it and looked, well... cute.  Summoning 
up his best handwriting and the most flowery words, he could.  He 
finished and read back over it.  It wasn't bad.  He tore off the 
sheet and replaced the pad in the drawer.  Laying the note on the 
pillow next to her, he gave her one last look, brushed some of the 
hair away from her face, kissed her on the cheek.  He thought of 
doing more, maybe sneaking a peak, but he didn't want to wake her.  
If she woke up startled, her parent's would kill him.  So instead, 
he simply turned and left, replacing the screen and closing the 
window as best he could from the outside.  A little sprint across 
the yard and around the corner and he was safe.  He tried to 
figure out what neighbor hood he was in.  And quickly decided he 
had no clue.  He wandered until he left that nest of houses and 
found a gas station, which he also didn't recognize.  Rather than 
swallowing his pride and asking someone inside where he was, he 
simply called for a taxi.  He was glad his parents hadn't bought 
him a car like he had been bugging them to do, other wise he 
wouldn't know where it was.  Even worse, he might have tried to 
drive it last night then being lost would have been the least of 
his troubles.  He wasn't exactly sure where the party was that 
he'd gone to last night.  Just that it was some place that his 
friend’s brother overheard from someone in one of his classes.  It 
wasn’t a lot to go by.  But Paul had borrowed his mother's minivan 
and had managed to get him and all his friends to at least a 
party.  None of them where sure it was the right one.  But Paul 
recognized someone who showed up at the time who WAS invited and 
they all got let in at once.  After that, things get hazy.  There 
was a girl, he was pretty sure, and this morning confirms it.  And 
someone kept handing him red plastic cups full of beer.  He kinda 
remembered seeing the girl laugh at something, she had a great 
smile.  But that’s all.  It’s all blank from there.  The taxi 
showed up interrupting his thoughts.  He told the driver where his 
house was and dazed out.  The ride was longer than he thought.  
But he didn't notice.  He kept thinking of how beautiful the girl 
was.  He wished that he knew more about her.  But he didn't even 
know her name.  He wondered if he'd ever get to see her again.  He 
wished he'd have remembered to leave her his phone number, his 
address...  HIS name, as he went over what he'd written in his 
mind he realized he didn't even tell her who he was.  He’d just 
signed it as he had ever since he could remember, with the 
initials 'S.P.' done in fancy calligraphy type print.  He 
despaired that he might never see her again.  


Chapter Three

Jason woke up beating the alarm clock until it stopped trying to 
perforate his eardrums with its screeching.  but then he looked at 
it,  he had about 10 min before his mother expected him to be 
dressed and in the car.  so he threw the covers back and ran for 
the bathroom.  he caught a glance of himself in the mirror.  his 
hair was hanging almost, well, actually on his shoulders.  the 
assistant principal had been on him about his hair and had 
threatened to send him home early if he didn't cut it before 
Monday.  it being Monday he grabbed a pair of scissors and pulling 
his hair back into a low ponytail cut off about an inch or so of 
hair.  he wondered a moment about how people in movies did that 
with swords or knives or whatever so easily.  it only took them 
one swipe and woosh, it's gone, but it had taken him a lot of work 
to get through all his hair.  he let his hair go and looked at his 
work in the mirror. not bad.  mostly straight.  and just barely 
above his collar (if he was wearing one at the time).  getting 
haircuts was such a pain, and this worked just as well, and it 
kept the teachers off his back.
	from there he stripped of the clothes he had fallen asleep in 
and checking the pockets for change or pens. he found the note and 
thought fondly back to the party and the girl he'd met.  he threw 
the note next to the sink and ran into the shower washing off the 
bits of hair.  he didn’t' bother washing well, he mostly just wet 
himself down, he had to get out to the car in less than 5 min.  he 
turned off the water and hurriedly dried himself off,  than ran 
straight back into his room and into the closet.  grabbed a set of 
clothes, having a uniform really simplified things.  the only 
thing he had to think about was what kind of tie to wear.  and 
that he just grabbed the next one on the rack.  once he was in 
uniform he ran out to the car and was back asleep even before his 
mother got in the car.  
	he woke up as they pulled into his school.  he pulled his bag 
out of the back of the car where it had been since Friday.  said 
goodbye to his mother and ran off into the school.
	when he was sitting in his first class waiting for the bell 
to ring when he remembered the note, he'd left by the sink.  oh 
well, it's as safe there as it would be with him now.  the 
precious note.  his only link to S.P.  he'd asked his friend about 
her but he didn't know who he was talking about.  he didn't 
remember seeing anyone matching her description.  all he knew was 
that some time during the night his friend had friend to look for 
him but Jason had already left with a couple other people from the 
party.  he couldn’t believe it.  he finally found a girl who, 
presumably, liked him and he had no clue how to find her.  he'd 
spent much of Saturday night on the internet trying to find girls 
in the area with the initials S.P. and of about the right age.  
but it was pointless and he knew it.  there where simply too many.  
he despaired that he might never see her again.  


Chapter Four

Steve couldn't concentrate on math.  the teacher was just spewing 
out random sounds for all that he was listening.  he kept thinking 
back to last weekend,  and the girl in the bed.  she was beautiful.  
and the more he thought, the more he had to see her again.  but 
there was nothing he could do.  all he had was the address of a 
gas station near her house.  what good would that do him?  even if 
he found her house again, what could he say. "hi, I’m the random 
guy you slept with last weekend,  i know it's kinda weird me 
showing up as your house like this and all, but, i was wondering,  
would you like to go out sometime?  i would have called but i 
don't know your name or phone number."  oh ya..  that would REALLY 
impress her.  no, here has to be a better way, there had to be a 
way for him to find her without scaring her or looking like a 
complete idiot.  but dammed if he couldn’t think of it.
	the bell rang and he vacantly picked up his bag and left the 
class room.  pushing through the mostly larger boys he went back 
to his locker.
"oh, if only he had had a camera,  he could have taken a picture 
of her to hang in his locker. as it was, it was jut like anyone 
else’s.  plain.  just like he felt.  he had touched beauty and 
nothing would ever be the same.  he dropped off his bag and 
grabbed his lunch, closed the locker and walked to the cafeteria.  
he wasn't really hungry.  but his friends would be there and 
they'd wonder where he was if he didn't show up.  and the last 
thing he wanted them to know was how much he was pining over the 
girl.
	In the cafeteria he was joined by his buddies.  they started 
by catching up on what had happened since the party.  they had all 
gone back together.  he'd left.. he didn't know who he left with, 
but he told them with a girl.  they all cheered and began asking 
what happened and was she good and al the other expected questions.  
and being kind of proud of having finally lost his virginity he 
went to work fabricating the most elaborate lovemaking you could 
imagine.  there was lingerie and warm oils. and all kinds of 
things he'd only seen in porn movies.  his friends, wanting to 
believe that one of their friends had actually gotten laid and 
thus, that it was possible for them too, believed every word of it.  
well, except when he described his manhood,  unless something had 
changed since gym class last Thursday, which was highly unlikely.
	the rest of everyone’s weekends was as lame as usual.  mostly 
everyone played CS all day.  not the most thrilling group to be 
around.  but it didn't matter,  Steve, having not taken a 
photograph, began drawing on a napkin, sketching out as best as he 
could remember what she had looked like.  her hair scattered 
across the pillow, her smooth shoulder peeking out from under the 
sheets,   down to her back, soft smooth skin.  oh he wished he 
could have felt it.  but he was too busy trying to get out.  oh he 
was a fool,  just one kiss before he left,  that would have been 
heavenly.  but no, it might have woken her up.  Tiss better to let 
sleeping angels lie.
	then her feet,  he could remember one delicate foot had 
slipped out. he looked at his drawing, it sucked.  but he would 
improve it in time.  In fact, by the end of the week, he had a 
copy of it that he was so happy with, he hung it on the inside of 
his locker.  she may not be his girlfriend, yet.  but she was 
special.  and he would find her.  if it took him the rest of his 
life, he'd find her. she was his first,  he'd never love another 
like he loved her.


Chapter Five

Jason couldn't sleep.  nothing new there.  he lay in bed staring 
at the ceiling.  crying.  crying about school, and friends, and 
girls.  all the problems in his life.  there was nothing he could 
do about any of them.  he rolled over pulling a pillow over his 
head to muffle his sobs.  everyone else seemed to have things so 
easy.  they all had friends, where dating girls, and even school 
work seemed to come easier some of them.
	he traced back over the events of today, as usual at this 
time of night while crying.  arrive at school, alone.  wait for 
class, alone.  during lunch, he didn't even go into the cafeteria 
any more.  it was just too awkward to try to find a place to sit.  
every time he sat with a group, he was just sitting near them, he 
was never IN the group.  so he would eat alone, not talking to 
anyone.  then, half way through freshman year, he just stopped 
getting a lunch.  he hadn't eaten lunch at school in over a year.  
his parents worried about him not eating enough.  but the hunger 
was comforting.  it reminded him he was still alive.  even now.
	instead of lunch Jason would usually sit by himself in some 
out of the way corner, doing home work.  on days when he couldn’t 
find any work to do he'd sit in the history office and join in on 
one of the debates/discussions that students with nothing better 
to do had when not in class.  today’s discussion had been about an 
axis and allies game that a bunch of the students had started and 
where about half way into.  this was the first time he had heard 
of it and there was no doubt in his mind why no one had asked him 
to join in.  he wasn't even a part of them.  he didn't have any 
friends.  no one to be one of.  he wasn't anyone.  he held his 
breath.  his mind wandered.  thinking.  trying to find something, 
anything that needed him.  any reason for him to stay.  any reason 
to ever breath again.  he could hear his heart pounding in his 
ears  friends.  the closest things he had to those would move on 
with their lives in two weeks.  his neighbors,  he was just the 
only person around.  everyone at school?  he thought back to when 
a senior had died last year, he saw the students who knew him mope 
around for a day or maybe two.  but by the end of the month no one 
really cared.  it had just happened and no one was the least bit 
affected by it anymore.  and that was just his friends.  everyone 
else had been kinda happy, anyone who had known him was claiming 
to be too hurt to concentrate on classes that day.  so the seniors 
basically got the day off.  he wondered if they would do the same 
thing for him.  and who would claim to know him.  the jerks who 
made fun of him.  the people who tripped and pushed him in the 
halls.  the people who would be happier that he died, he'd give 
them a day off from school.
	his chest pulled for breath, he fought it off, that was just 
the first pain. it would be easy for another 30 seconds or so.  so 
how about family.  extended family is easy.  none of them liked 
him.  he never saw any of them.  there were other grandchildren. 
other cousins.  the loss of one messed up child wouldn't really 
mater to them.  so how about family.  he bothers and sisters where 
either at college or at least living on their own.  he was the 
youngest.  he knew his mother would be hurt, and it would take her 
a while to get over it.  but once again, given a month or two at 
the most,  everyone's lives would be back to normal.  maybe easier, 
they wouldn't have to worry about how to put him through college.  
or even the rest of high school.
	his chest pulled again, this time desperate for air.  but he 
fought it back.  his throat pulled, and spasmed.  his mind raced... 
trying to come up with anything.  any reason at all to open his 
thought and let himself breath.  he needed a reason to live.  his 
life replayed for him.  he was a baby, then a child, grade school, 
grade by grade replayed for him, each horrible and embarrassing 
scene of his life.  finally to high school, the same things.  
nothing new.  his vision started to dim.  *Oh my god,  I’m 
actually going to do it.* he thought.  *there's nothing.  there is 
nothing left in my life for me.*  then he heard distant voice.  
singing, softly.  singing to him! it grew nearer and suddenly out 
of the darkness he saw her.  a girl with long red hair and fair 
skin.  her voice filled him with joy.  and he knew he had to find 
her.  he had a reason to live.  he had to live so that one day, he 
could find that girl,  and be with her forever.  he let himself 
open his thought and his body pulled in life giving air.  his head 
was dizzy with joy,  and honestly enough,  the oxygen was making 
him a little high.  he thought back to the note, and S.P.  *that 
was her.  i know it.  that angel who sang to me.  she's the one i 
am meant to be with.*  his body recovered from the asphyxiation 
and the latter rush of oxygen, and he began to feel tired.  
holding his breath usually made him tired,  and he had never held 
it that long before.  he thought about the angel he had seen, and 
was quickly asleep.  however this night,  he was smiling.  and 
that had not been a common occurrence in his life.
	the next morning he kept an image of what he saw last night 
in his head as he went through his normal routine.  he hadn't 
gotten a warning about his hair so he left it alone.  he'd 
probably have to cut it again this weekend.  *oh well,  at least 
spring breaks coming up soon, maybe I can make it until then 
without having to cut it.*  he dried off said hair one last time 
and turned to head out to the car though he stopped and paused at 
the note.  looking at it fondly he thought to himself.  *some day,  
someday we'll meet again.  but you can sing to me any night you 
want until them.*  she never did song to him again.  but that 
didn't matter.  Jason also fell asleep smiling for the next two 
weeks.  all the way till spring break.


Chapter Six

Steve was getting seriously bored.  it wasn’t that the girl 
sitting across from him was boring.  or even unattractive. ok, 
maybe she was boring. it depends on what you're into.  and he just 
couldn't get into it.  his friends had noticed him moping around.  
making his little sketches though no one ever noticed that they 
where all of the same girl.  he guessed that showed the level of 
his talent.  his friends where all worried for him.  he hadn't 
shown any interest in girls besides his drawings for the past few 
months and quite frankly, they where worried about him turning 
into a fruit.  they did everything to peak his interest in girl 
except throw him in bed with one.  though they hoped their latest 
plan would end in that. Kathy had a reputation of being fast and 
easy.  though none of them had ever actually dated her themselves.  
they all thought someone with her reputation was safer not to 
sleep with,  none of them would put THAT much faith in a condom to 
protect them.  and health class had done it's job in scaring those 
boys into not having sex.  and their treatment of the girls they 
dated had done the rest.
	which comes to the point of all this.  They had set 	Steve 
up on a date with a girl so promiscuous that no guy had ever 
needed to go out with her twice.  but as Steve sat and listened to 
her chatter endlessly about absolutely nothing, he began to 
question what people had said about why they didn't date her a 
second time.  it was an hour into the date,  they had finished 
their meals and al she ever needed to keep going was an occasional 
'yea' or even just a head nod.  and she showed no signs of 
stopping or even slowing down.
	"So, you know, like, you like a really god listener.  most 
guys I go out on dates with really don't seem to understand what 
I’m saying the way you do."
	"Yea"  *GOD, she' boring.  wait, what was it she just said.  
uh oh.*  "I mean, yea, i get that a lot."
	he pulled out his wallet, paid for the meal, and left the 
restaurant.  to his dissatisfaction she was still following him.  
and she was still talking.  *how could anyone talk THAT much. 
about absolutely nothing?*
	she talked all the way to his father's car,  she talked all 
during the drive back to her house.  she talked as he walked her 
to her front door.  as they stood in front her house,  her talking, 
him pretending to be interested in what she was talking about.
	"so anyways like,  like i was saying, would you like be 
interested in going with me to it or something?"
	he paused counting up the number of likes between his 'yea's. 
*38* he finally decided.  *oh wait.  she asked me something,  what 
was it.  he couldn't remember.  so going with past precedence he 
answered "yea".
	"oh GREAT! like thank you.  you'll like pick me up Tuesday at 
like 7:30 then?"
	"wait um.  what?  i mean, Where... where exactly are we 
going?"
	"I’m like not exactly like sure, but like a friend of my 
friend’s ex-neighbor knows where and like she says she can like 
get us in.  I’ll like get the directions from her like in school 
on like Monday and I’ll try to like get them to you like after 
like school or sometime."

	*wow, 11 times in one sentence.  oh wait.  I needed to pay 
attention to that.*  he replayed what she had just said in his 
mind,  deleting all the 'like's to make it more understandable.  
it didn't help much.  but just enough for him to answer "uhh...  
sure."  his friends wanted him to get back into dating,  and he 
might as well humor them.  and besides, he did already agree to go 
with her, in a way.  so,  in 4 more days, that’s why he was 
standing around holding two cups looking for Kathy.


Chapter Seven

Jason and Adam and Mike had just finished another 18 hour gaming 
session and where thoroughly exhausted.  apparently not quite 
thoroughly since Adam and Mike where not rolling around on the 
game room floor trying to pin each other, or get the other persons 
shirt off, it was hard to tell if you didn't know.  Jason kept a 
good distance between himself and the melee, he knew he could hold 
his own, but he'd never win against the two larger teens.  and the 
bruising that would result was not always fun.  so he just watched 
until the two decided they'd had enough, and both their shirts 
where off.  as they where putting their shirts back on it was mike 
who first brought it up. "so, Adam, you got anyone to got to the 
party tonight?"  it was still night, but being well after midnight 
tonight was no longer tomorrow night.. or something like that,
	"na,  i wasn't really planning on going." Adam never really 
dated.  he was fairly good looking, just never dated, no one ever 
figured out why,  when asked he just sorta sloughed off the 
question like dating really wasn't important.
	"hey, could I go?  I know I don't go to your school or 
anything, but.."
	"Hey sure, if you can get Mr. No Date over there to go I’ll 
drive you over with me."
	"I’ll give your character 2000 XP f you come."
	"SURE!","hey!” they both screamed at once.  "What about me 
for taking you?" Mike complained.
	"All you said was to get him to come..  And i did..  So you 
don't get a bribe."
	"Then you don't have a ride" Adam countered.
	"ok, ok...  you can have 2000Xp for taking me. but you two 
are going to NOT have a easy time after we get back to gaming."
	that discussion ended, they packed up the gaming stuff and 
took the empty glasses from the game room and dropped them off in 
the kitchen.  t was about that time Jason realized what he had 
just practically begged them to do.  he was going to go to some 
party with a bunch of people he didn't know.  and be with people 
who would in all practicality prefer he wasn't even there.  *oh... 
that was smart.*  he had thought that S.P. might be there, but why 
would she?  it was just one party of many he was sure.  he tried 
to think of ways to get out of it.  but Adam would kill him.  
probably not permanently either, and that was infinitely worse 
than the permanent kind.  so,  lots of pain, or boredom and 
embarrassment.  besides, he had to find S.P.  and if he was ever 
going to have any hope of finding her it was going to be at a 
party.  the shotgun approach works at most things, it might find 
his true love too.  and there was nothing else in his life worth 
hoping for.  so he would hope to find her.
	all that sounded good until he was actually getting dragged 
out of the house by the pair.  the drive there wasn't long so the 
fear didn't really set in until the car stopped.  he'd gone to a 
couple other parties in the past.  mostly when his friends dragged 
him along like they where doing now.  he would have given the 
world to be able to stay in the house until it was over.  he just 
wanted to go home.  Adam and mike got out of the car and before he 
realized what he was doing he noticed he had gotten out of the car 
too.  the click of the door locks sounded that he would not be 
able to get back in.  there was no hiding.  never the less he 
still tried to hide behind his two muscular friends.  on a side 
note.  Jason had often wondered how geeks like those two could be 
smart and interested in math and science and yet still develop 
muscles.  and at times even discussed body building or body 
builders or some other stuff that Jason had no clue about.  Jason 
was about the weakest sophomore at his school.  but he didn't care.  
getting muscles would be too much work, and he doubted he even 
could anyways.  his long slender frame wouldn't get bulk he 
figured.  so why bother trying.  it didn't bother him.  thought it 
puzzled him why Adam and Mike seemed to want them.
	about this point in Jason’s thinking he realized that he was 
inside the house surrounded by a couple dozen teenagers that he 
couldn't even guess the names of.  he knew absolutely no one there.  
he scanned the room looking for S.P.  but the girl from his dreams 
didn't present herself.  unsure of what to do, he sat down.  there 
were no free chairs or anything.  he simply sat right down where 
he was standing.  and leaned back against the wall.  Adam soon 
joined him once they decided they weren’t embarrassed enough to 
care.  mike simply joined with a group of people he apparently 
knew from school.  it was impressive for Jason to watch.  he knew 
how nerdy mike actually was, he had skipped a grade and was just 
over a year younger than Jason, thought he was still taller.  Mike 
participated in interschool math competitions.  Mike played D&D.  
yet he had no problems being accepted into the group.  which 
killed Jason’s theory about nerds being inherently socially 
unacceptable.
	Adam and Jason left alone fell back what they would have been 
doing tonight if they weren’t being bored in a room full of loud 
high-schoolers, role playing.  Neither of them had brought their 
dice and stopwatches for d10 get annoying.  Makes battles take way 
too long.  So they just discussed plans for upcoming adventures 
and possible new characters they might make, and different rules 
to exploit.
	in time mike came back to sit with them asking how they where 
enjoying the party.  the responses he received where less than 
positive.  that started a debate on the pros and cons of getting 
up and talking to people.  the debate was cut short when Adam 
noticed someone starting at them.  no.  staring at Jason.  he was 
REALLY staring.  like he couldn't believe what he saw.  Jason 
looked over to Adam and mike to see if they knew him.  they just 
shrugged not having any clue who he was or what he wanted.  
luckily a girl who could be presumed to be his girlfriend pulled 
him around giving the trio a chance to escape, crawling away 
unnoticed from the creepy man.  at the sound of a sploosh they 
figured they where safe.  the second one confirmed it. the three 
of them disappeared to a quiet mostly vacant hallway to talk.
	"who was that jerk?" Jason broke the silence.
	"i don't think he goes to our school"  "does he go to yours?" 
Adam and mike responded.
	"NO, I’ve never seen him before.  what did he want with me?"
	I have no clue, but it was kinda creepy."
	"ya, i say we get out of here as fast as we can."
	"ok, but i have to say goodbye to some people from school, 
they where kinda expecting me to be with them a little more this 
evening"
	which left Jason and Adam alone in a hallway with about 3 
couples making out and in various stages of groping.  they tried 
to ignore what was going on around them as they waited.  they made 
strained small talk as they waited for Mike to return.  Which he 
did after what felt like a week but turned out to be only a few 
min.  they formed up and made a b-line for the door.  they where 
about 10 feet away when Jason felt a tap on his shoulder.  he knew 
it was a ad idea to look,  but 17 years of instinct are hard to 
overcome.  when he looked, he saw the same creepy guy who had 
started at him and started this whole mess,  except now he was 
VERY wet.  *his girlfriend must of dumped her drink on him.* then 
he remembered the second sploosh sound.  *both drinks on him*  it 
would have been funny if he wasn't still standing in front of him.
	the guy handed him a folded up sheet of paper saying, "umm.. 
sorry, but, umm..  someone asked me to give this to you."
	*that must be why he was starting at me like that.  it almost 
makes me feel sorry for the guy,  unless the guy is lying and the 
note was from him.  but why would he be giving him a note?*
	still wondering about that Jason simply resounded, "uh, 
thanks"
	the guy stood there for a second and Jason wondered for a 
second if he was expecting a tip, but then he turned away and 
joined up with a group of chattering teenagers.  the trio looked 
at the note Jason had been handed.  Adam however was the only one 
who wanted him to open it.  reluctantly he did,  and as soon as he 
did all six of their eyes grew wide.  in it was a picture of a 
beautiful woman laying naked on a bed barely covered by a thin 
sheet.  though which you could still make out all the details of 
her figure.  who ever had drawn it was obviously quite talented.
	"it's HER!" Jason gasped in amassment, breaking the spell the 
picture held on the other two boys.
	"who?  who is it?"
	"that’s the girl from my dream,  and look," he said pointing 
at the initials, "it's her, the girl I slept with.  SHE"S HERE!!!  
where is she!?!?  FIND HER! FIND HER!"
	"when did YOU sleep with a woman?" "and how did you get one 
that looked like THAT?" they questioned.
	it was back at that party in august, the one you two thought 
it would be so funny if you got me drunk at.  well, apparently I 
took her back to Adam’s house and.."
	"HEY!! you took a girl to MY house to get laid!"
	"what was I going to do, invite you to join us?  and besides, 
I was really drunk and don't remember much from that night.  but 
when i woke up there was a note from her, signed only S.P.  But 
this is her.  naked on a bed.  but still, it's her.  and she's 
here."
	"No she isn't." mike spoke up trying to calm Jason.  "I know 
most the people here and she doesn't look familiar.  she probably 
doesn't go to our school.  she might have just given out dozens of 
these to everyone she knew.  hoping one might find someone 
matching your description.  here.  look, her numbers on the bottom 
of the picture, you can call her latter and find out for yourself 
then."
	"Yea, I guess.  I mean, I would have seen her if she had been 
here at all tonight.  i guess I’ll just call her in the morning.  
thanks,  now how about we blow this joint."
	the three of them resumed walking to the door this time 
unimpeded.  and within a few min Jason was safe inside the car.  
and before they even made it hope he was asleep in the back seat.  
though when the car stopped he instantly woke up, looking for his 
school bag and wondering why they weren’t at school yet, but he 
was at least awake.  after he realized where he was he said good 
by and walked into his house as the other two drove off.  that was 
about the time he remembered the note.  the note that WAS in his 
hand, and now was most likely STILL in the back of mike's father's 
car.  he felt like an idiot.  but he also felt tired.  he decided 
he'd hate him self more effectively after he got some sleep.


Chapter Eight

Steve looked around the room for his date. but Kathy didn't appear.  
he sipped his coke and stood there waiting for her to re-appear.  
as he stood there  he wondered why he even bothered waiting for 
her.  but she was the only person he knew at the loose gathering 
of high school students that was being called a party.  Kathy was 
probably off talking with the other girls leaving him to stand 
around with the other abandoned dates.  *that’s it* he decided.  
*if I’m going to have to be here until she decided she wants to 
leave.  I’m going to find some place to sit.  he wandered for a 
long time.  free chairs were impossible to find,  free floor space 
was available but most of what was remaining left you in danger of 
being trembled. he pushed his way though the crowd of semi dancing 
high-schoolers into a clearing.  he looked down and saw two guys 
and a girl sitting and talking.  the girl was sitting close to one 
of the guys.  obviously the two where a couple.  noticing that 
someone was looking at them, they turned to him to look back.  as 
he looked into the face of the girl he recognized her instantly.  
for hers was the likeness that covered the inside of his locker.  
she was the girl from his nocturnal fantasies.  she was the girl 
he had slept with all those months ago.  she was his first and 
only love.  he must have been starting at her long enough to set 
off Kathy’s jealousy alert.  for she was suddenly there pulling on 
his shoulder and almost spilling the drinks in the process.  Steve 
was tired of her.  if his friends wanted him to date then he'd 
date, but NOT Kathy.  he handed her both drinks and turned around 
to introduce himself to the girl of his dreams.  but when he 
turned around all he saw was a couple making out where the beauty 
had been before.  and neither member of the couple making out in 
front of him was the girl he was looking for. he turned around and 
asked Kathy where the girl that was sitting there had gone.  this 
was apparently NOT the right thing to say for she dumped his drink 
on his head.  then after a moment of thought dumped her drink on 
him too.  with a 'huff' she spun around and walked away, parting 
the crowd with her rage.
	*so ends our budding romance* stave chuckled silently to 
himself.  he was free now.  soaking wet and sticky.  but he was 
free.  free to find his love.  *on second thought, maybe i should 
wash this soda off.*  and so he headed out to the back yard to 
find a hose.  once all the sticky syrup was removed he was 
thoroughly wet,  and cold.  but he couldn't go back in the house 
dripping water everywhere like he was now.  so he walked around 
the house to where his father's car was parked.  he popped the 
trunk and pulled out a blanket his dad kept in the back.  Steve 
was never sure what it was there for.  and it was always dirty.  
but it got him dry enough.  he put the now damp blanket back into 
the trunk.  pushing it behind his back pack.  his backpack, that 
gave him idea.  he opened it up and reached into his binder 
pulling out a the last sketch of her that he had just finished 
today.  it showed her laying across the bed with longer hair than 
she really had flowing down the bed and the blankets covering just 
enough of her to keep the drawing from being lewd.  he tried 
drawing a couple of those types of pictures of her but they never 
looked right and he tore each of them up before he finished them.
	he pulled out a pencil from his bag too. and on the bottom of 
the drawing he wrote as careful of script as he could "I haven’t 
forgotten that night"  he signed it and put his phone number on 
the bottom.  he folded up the drawing, closed the trunk and headed 
back into the house.  he didn't have to search for long before he 
spotted her.  she was with the guy she had been sitting next to 
earlier, and they where headed for the front door, leaving 
together.  *oh shit,  she's got a date.* now he really felt like a 
jerk.  he was going to walk up and give her a note with a crude 
picture of her on it and his phone number.  right in front of her 
boyfriend.  but that’s exactly what he HAD to do.  maybe..  he 
could get someone else to do it for him.  but he didn't know 
anyone there, and she was about to leave.  and with a brilliant 
leap of inspiration he came up with an idea.  concentrating hard 
on acting natural, which doesn’t work, he walked up to her, at his 
tap on her shoulder she turned and faced him.  he almost fainted 
right then, but he held his emotions in check and said, "umm.. 
sorry, but, umm..  someone asked me to give this to you."
*shit, that sounded stupid.  she's going to know it was me..*
	"uh, thanks" she replied sounding confused.
	mocking indifference he turned back to the party and 
pretended to blend into a group of people he didn't know.  after a 
torturous length of time he decided that she wouldn't be looking 
at him anymore and slipped out of the back of the house and into 
his car.  there he sat panting. unbelieving what he had just done.  
he'd just given the girl of his dreams his phone number.  he 
wanted to get back to his house as fast as he could, thinking she 
might call him sometime tonight.  but..  what if she was looking 
for him at the party...  no..  she was with her boyfriend, SHIT 
she'd have t break up with him before she’d ever call him.  at the 
very least she'd break up with him tonight.  but he'd take her 
back to her house.  and he knew what she did when she took him 
back to her house.  his love was going to sleep with him,  she'd 
probably already slept with him.  many times. she's probably slept 
with lots of men.  his heart sunk.  his dream girl was turning 
into the town whore in his head.  he realized that this was all in 
his head.  but he couldn't stop from thinking it.  he started the 
car and pulled out of the drive way.  all the drive back all he 
could think about was how many men she must have been with.  and 
what he would do when and if she called.  any girl that cute would 
have a date any day she wanted,  and she had went to bed with 
Steve after they had just met.  how many other men could she have 
done that to.  even if he was the first.  he added up the number 
of weekends since he had last seen her.  there where too many.  
what was he going to do when she called?  all his questions ended 
by the next morning when the ringing woke him up.  he picked up 
the phone next to his bed, and sleepily said into it, "hello?"


Chapter Nine

Jason woke up late in the day as usual.  but unlike usual he woke 
up with a clear sense of purpose for the day.  to get the note 
from the back of mike's father's car.  had he already gone to work,  
only one way to find out,  to call.  Jason was always the late 
riser of their gaming group, so he had no fear of waking anyone up.  
he called Adam.  because Adam had Mikes phone number,.  Which for 
some odd reason, probably laziness, Jason had never written don 
from Adam.  so,  he called Adam.  who was apparently busy mowing 
his back yard.  but the phone eventually picked up, Adam seemed a 
little pissed to be called back in the house just to give a phone 
number,  but Jason really didn't care.  next on the list he called 
Mike, only to receive bad news.  his dad had left a couple hours 
ago.  Jason was desperate.  and asked Jason to go see what car he 
took.  he was rewarded by mike saying that his father had actually 
taken his mothers car today.  this was actually a point of tension 
in mike's family.  his mother had a newer car than his dad, so, 
his father would take it to work on random days, thus pissing off 
his wife.  this never made sense to Jason, it was just a car.  oh 
well,  mike was asking if he wanted him to bring it over when he 
came for the gaming tonight.
	"no, I’ll walk over and get it now.  I’d like to call her 
before you geeks get over here."
	a short walk over and back and the note was in hand.  Jason 
just stared at the note the whole walk back.  the image of the 
angel from his dreams.  she was real. the music from that night 
replayed in his head.  he couldn't really remember how it went.  
more the general feel of it,  and the emotions it generated in him.
	he floated to the phone called the number on the note in his 
hand.  it rang 4 times and then a machine picked up.  he hung up 
before the machine could finish it's recorded greeting.  Jason 
HATED leaving messages.  he always sounded stupid on them.  he 
never knew what to say. he thought about it for a second then 
realized there was nothing else he could do besides leave a 
message.  he thought out exactly what he was going to say,  which 
of course change after the first word he spoke.  he began to 
stutter and forgot everything he was going to say.  he actually 
ended up giving his ICQ number.  he NEVER used ICQ anymore.  he'd 
all but deleted that account.  he sullied over to his computer and 
started up ICQ, logging on as the account he had said over the 
phone.  he then decided to drown his sorrows in a few rounds of CS.  
and that’s where he was when mike came over for the gaming.  he 
said Adam might be a little late, he still had a little more work 
to do around the house.  so,  he set mike down on his father's 
computer and the two of them proceeded to dominate over the 
counter terrorist forces.  that was, until Adam showed up and 
demanded to either be allowed on a third computer or for them to 
all start gaming.  the only other computer in the house was 
Jason’s mother’s, and it was about four generations too old to 
play any decent games.  and all his sisters had taken their 
computers with them when they moved out.  so they had to sign off 
and pull out the dice and books.  they where halfway through a 
battle of the mighty Roy and he two friends when a notice from 
Jason’s room made him throw his dice down and run back to his room, 
with a scream of, "no way, a natural 20!!" echoing behind him.  
Jason shook the mouse.  it seemed to take forever for the screen 
to come back on,  when he did,  there was a new ICQ message.  and 
it wasn't  the usually massage of a pervert asking to cyber with 
him.  it was from SP.  he wrote her back quickly.  not wanting her 
to think he wasn't there.
	"hi SP" then added what he'd been thinking to tell her for 
hours now.  "you know, I’ve been wanting to talk to you for 
months"


Chapter Ten

Steve woke up to the sounds of rain and a loud ringing.  he picked 
up the phone next to his bed, and sleepily said into it, "hello?"  
then feeling like an idiot, he hung up the phone and turned off 
his alarm and got out of bed.  Steve had school this morning.  his 
parents had been generous by letting him go out on a school night.  
but since most of the teachers were trying to get one last exam in 
before spring break he didn't have any homework and only a bunch 
of studying to do.  and it's not like the classes where too hard.  
he washed and dressed himself and met his father in the kitchen 
getting something to eat.  he joined him and was soon back on his 
way to school.
	His classes went quickly, passing the time by creating a 
whole new series of sketches.  he still wasn't sure if he wanted 
her to call him.  or what he'd do if she did.  but drawing 
pictures of her had become habit.  and truthfully he'd gotten 
quite good at it.  she'd changed her hair since he last saw her.  
and apparently he'd embellished her breasts a lot.  his newest 
drawing was a lot closer to real life he thought.  he looked at 
the picture again.  her hair had been almost messy. she wasn't 
wearing an ounce of makeup.  the baggy jeans and t shirt she was 
wearing was anything but flattering.  all in all.  he realized 
something.  she was actually rather homely looking.  maybe she 
wasn't the sex goddess he envisioned her as.  he looked back at 
some of his old drawings.  it was the same face,  same body.  but 
the personality was all wrong.  the old pictures where of a love 
sick teenager yearning for an ideal.  and last night.  he'd seen 
the object of his affection ad it wasn't all he thought it would 
be.  he'd imagined her teary-eyed looking longingly at him,  he'd 
walk over to her and bend her backwards into the most passionate 
kiss she'd ever had.  now,  he knew she was dating.  it wasn't 
likely to be the best kiss she'd had.  she'd slept with him after 
one night,  how many other guys had she done that with?  but, 
somehow that didn't match who he saw.  she didn't look like a sex 
addict.  she looked like she didn't really care at all about how 
she looked.  or how men looked at her.  In fact, he seemed to be 
the only one there who paid her any attention at all.  and he knew 
why he found her so fascinating.  they had had sex and he didn't 
know a thing about her.  not even how she was in bed.
	he wondered more about her.  what she was like.  what her 
interests where.  how many siblings she had.  Then he laughed out 
loud, *what was her NAME?*
	"Steve?"
	"Marx believed that the separation of the classes would 
become so great that the lower class would eventually rise up and 
take over power from the nobles and upper class."
	"Yes and then?"
	"Then they would form an idealized government that could 
never actually survive."
	"umm..  not really..  What he ACTUALY believed was..."
	*whatever, I’ve got a call waiting for me when i get home.*
	sure enough there WAS a call waiting for him when he got home.  
he ran to the answering machine, and pressed the bottom playing 
the recoded massages.  the first two where for his dad.  not a big 
surprise.  the third message got his attention.  "umm..  S.P. I 
was just calling to ... well..   i don't know if your going to be 
able to call me back any time soon,  I’m usually on the internet 
most of the day during breaks.  but um, if you have a computer you 
could get a hold of me on ICQ.  my number is..."
	He found a message pad next to the phone but had to scramble 
to find something to write with.  he hit the message play button 
again.  this time copying down the hugely long number.  and now he 
had it he could now go talk to her.  as soon as he figured out 
what ICQ was.
	it actually didn't take that long.  a quick web search on his 
father's computer and he had it downloaded, installed and a new 
friend added to his list.  his heart jumped when he saw the little 
green flower next to her name, or at least her nickname, which was 
Nerdy followed by a ton of random numbers.  she had also filled in 
absolutely NO personal info.  he pulled up a new massage window 
and typed a short greeting.  then, summoning up all his courage 
and with all his fears racing through his head,  he pressed the 
send button.  mostly by accident, really.   he didn't realize the 
mouse buttons were that sensitive.  the reply came back. "Hi SP"  
the where talking,  he wanted to scream.  all the months of 
waiting.  where over.  he began to type back, but was quickly cut 
off.  by another message from her.  "you know, I’ve been wanting 
to talk to you for months."
	*YAHOO!!  SHE WANTS ME!!* then with a moment of thought his 
mind added, *AGAIN!!*
	about half an hour into the conversation, Steve had gathered 
enough courage to ask the question,  "how about we meet again some 
time?" then clarifying it, "just the two of us."
	it seemed to take an eternity for her to answer.  the curser 
only blinked at him.  he counted, one, two, three...  10... 50...  
200...  what was taking her so long?  Why didn't she want to see 
him again?


Chapter Eleven

	"Hi SP" then added what he'd been thinking to tell her for 
hours now.  "you know, I’ve been wanting to talk to you for 
months"
	"cool, I’ve been thinking about you too."
	a voice from the other room interrupted his typing, "Hey, I 
rolled a 16, do I hit?"  he answered the affirmative and told him 
to roll his damage.
	then went back to typing.  "so, how many of those drawings 
did you hand out?"
	"just the one.  I saw you at the party and was too scared to 
actually hand it to you myself"
	"SO you WHERE at the party.  my friends and I didn't see 
anyone looking like you around the party.  what school do you go 
to?"
	"oh, I go to East,  what school do you go to?"
	"my friends go to midland, that’s where most of the people at 
that party where from.  I go to a little private school up north."
	"I bet you look cute in your uniform" *what is it about girls 
and uniforms* Jason wondered.
	"na,  it's just clothes.  everyone wears them."
	"Hey Jason!  it's the monster's turn,  what's it doing?"
	Jason yelled back,  it attacks" he pulled up a dice program 
on his computer.  he didn't use it much, but it came in handy 
right now.  you have an AC of negative two, right?  it hits for...  
oh, 15 damage"  
	"so, what's your school like?" popped up on the screen.
	"it's school, what else can you say."  Jason REALLY hated 
people asking him that question.  what did they want him to say?
	"so, like what classes are you taking?"  even stupider 
question.
	"i take the same one everyone else takes.  my school doesn't 
allow much variation.  I’m not in any honors or advanced classes, 
except honors chem."
	"so you like chem?"
	"hey,  we're thirsty, you got any mountain dew?" Adam called 
from the other room.
	"Ya sure, it's in the kitchen, I’ll be here for a while you 
two take break,  figure out how your going to keep from getting 
eaten." Jason turned back to the computer and typed, "no, they 
just think that if you like any science you'll be good at all of 
them."
	"oh"  Jason was getting a little pissed off,  this was just 
small talk,  not something he enjoyed unless it was about 
something interesting.  school was NOT interesting.  and the delay 
of game didn't help either.
	"so,  what kinda things do you do for fun?"  Jason asked 
praying it wouldn't be something stupid like her hair, or talking 
on the phone or another boring uninteresting thing munds did to 
pass their time.
	"lately I’ve been drawing a lot.  but before that,  i'd hang 
out with friends,  or maybe play computer games."  a girl who 
played computer games?  rare but not unheard of.  she had his 
interest.
	"Oh, mostly Star Craft style games.  I don't get to play them 
too often.  only when I can steal time from my father to use his 
computer.  but the guys I hang out with play them all the time."
	even curiouser.  "I don't play those style games much.  but 
some of the guys I hang around with play them."
	"so,  what kinda things do YOU do for fun?"
	"oh, mostly the same.  though i do role play one the weekends 
with my neighbors."
	"Role-play?"
	"you know, like, dungeons and dragons."
	"oh, wow. isn't that kinda geeky?"
	"ya, i guess,  but it's still better than football."
	"what's wrong with football?!?"
	"it's not THAT bad i guess...  i mean, it's not as bad as 
basket ball"
	"now what do you have against basketball?"
	"do you play a lot of sports or something?"
	"sometimes with friends,  i take it you don't"
	"no,  my dad thought it would be good for me to learn how to 
play them,  but me and sports never worked out.  I’d rather be in 
front of a computer anyways."
	"we'll how about cheerleading then?  or is that too close to 
a sport for you?"
	"NO.  never.  not in a million years."
	"ok, that settles that."
	pause,  who to talk.  Jason debated running out to the 
kitchen to see when they had devoured.  not that it mattered.  
they'd just eat the food his mother expected him to eat but never 
did.
	a ping from the computer brought his focus back to the 
conversation.
	"so, what did you think of the drawing?"
	"it was really talented.  you're really good."
	"ya,  well,  I’ve been practicing a lot lately.  and i had a 
good subject."
	"the practice shows.  What kinda things do you draw?"
	"well,  mostly I just draw you."  Jason was flattered.  but 
the next message floored him.
	"I’ve gotten more accurate since the picture i gave you,  I’m 
sorry if i embellished a little bit.  i was only drawing from 
memory."
	*SHIT that drawing was of ME??  not S.P.?  who was SP 
anyways?* "umm, what does S.P. stand for anyways?"
	"Steve Prachet"
	*SHIT SHIT SHIT!  SP was a GUY!  and he thought that i was a 
girl.  it wouldn't be the first time.*  Jason remembered some of 
the other times he'd noticed someone thinking he was a girl.  it 
happened all the time on the phone.  then there's the times eating 
out with his mother,  it was always 'Ladies' when they addressed 
them.  his mother never seemed to notice,  Jason did thought.  
then there where the really odd times.  the times when he went to 
a store after school and still in his uniform, people would come 
up to him thinking he worked there asking, him "ma'am," or "miss, 
where can I find the..." how anyone could mistake him for a girl 
while he's wearing a tie Jason could never understand.  once he 
asked his mother about it,  she said it was his hair.  though it 
still happened at ren-fairs where he had the shortest hair of all 
the guys there.  regardless of why it happened, Jason usually 
tried to play it down.  not let the person feel bad about it, 
because inevitably they would raise a scene and beg his 
forgiveness for making such a horrible mistake.  so, he'd try to 
let the person live not realizing their mistake.  but could he do 
it in this case?  the simple matter of impersonating a girl on the 
internet was easy.  guys did it all the time.  Jason had always 
thought it was dishonest so he'd never done it.  and why should he 
make it easy on him?  stave couldn't do anything to him.  he could 
just deleat this ICQ account and never have to talk to him again.  
unless he has caller ID.  some how he doubted he could get his 
parents to change their phone number just to stop a boy from 
calling him.
	then there where Adam and Mike.  he hadn't told them 
everything.  but he's made it clear he was in love with SP.  and 
they all thought S.P. was the girl in the picture.  he'd never 
live it down if they found out the picture was supposed to be of 
him.  so, telling them any of this was out of the question.
	now what to do about Steve.  it WAS an honest mistake.  and 
he wasn’t' the first one.  Though, he was the first to take it as 
far as he did.  but he was a BOY!  and part of him wanted to 
scream it at Steve as loud as the font size could go.  why didn't 
he?  he guessed it was because it would really hurt Steve to find 
out the girl of his dreams wasn't a girl at all.  and hurting 
people was bad.  especially since they tended to come back and 
hurt him with various kicks and punches.  *oh well, what's the 
harm* he finally decided.  he wouldn't actually lie to him.  but 
he'd bend the truth a little.  given a few weeks, he'd figure out 
he was a real person and not some sex toy....  oh SHIT!!  they had 
had sex!  he'd even told Adam and mike about that night.  he 
REALLY couldn’t tell anyone about this.  and if Steve ever found 
out... he was going to get hunted down and pummeled.
	So, the plan.  keep Steve thinking he is a girl, be his 
normal boring and uninteresting self.  no one has liked him much 
in the past. this one should find him more repulsive than most.  
next on the plan was to find the REAL girl from his dream.  it 
might take forever, but he had to wait.  he'd find her someday.  
last but not least,  he had to read the little blinking message 
that he'd been ignoring for much too long.
	"how about we meet again some time?  just the two of us."
	"no, i don't really feel like meeting you yet."  that was 
honest and gentle.  he might live through this yet.
	"well, then how about if just talk on the phone sometime?"
	"we're talking now?  why would you want to talk on the 
phone?"
	"i like hearing your voice.  you've got a pretty voice,  do 
you sing or something?"  what could he say to that?  he didn't 
know whether to be flattered or embarrassed.  no..  he was 
definitely embarrassed
	"umm.  i used to like to sing, but haven’t much in a while."
	"that’s a shame.  I’m sure you sing wonderfully."
	"thanks, umm..  how about you?  do you sing or anything?"
	"i used to play piano, but i quit after i threw a tantrum at 
my mother."

	and so the conversation went.  eventually Steve’s father 
demanded use of his computer and Steve signed off.  and at that 
moment Jason remembered the two maniacs he’d let loose in his 
house unsupervised for.. TWO HOURS?!?!?! it didn't seem like that 
long when he was talking to him.  he went out to the kitchen to 
find out what they had gotten into.  but they weren’t there.  and 
only four empty cans of mountain dew showed that they had been 
there.  nervously he ran into the den...  and found them..  
quietly playing a game on his old SNES.
	"so, finally get done talking to your girlfriend?" Adam 
teased him.
	"so tell us all about her," mike took his turn.
	"well..." Jason began spewing back a much edited version of 
the conversation they had.  telling them all about her, the guys 
listened jealously,  none of them had a girl who liked Star Craft 
or who had slept with them.  Jason wondered which one was rarer.


Chapter Twelve

	the next day Steve rushed home from school to talk to..  
dang.. he was going to HAVE to ask her name soon.  but it wasn't 
going to be today,  his mother was on the phone so he couldn’t get 
online. and by the time she was off the phone, his dad was home 
and working on the computer.  there wasn't anything left for him 
to do.  well, there was always homework, but that could wait.  
then he had an idea.  his family did have a caller ID box.  Steve 
personally had never used it since he knew the numbers of anyone 
who might be calling him.  he also felt like it was an invasion of 
privacy too.  so,  feeling very much like someone out of a spy 
movie he snuck into his parent's bedroom and over to their bedside 
phone,  thee he found the little white box.  it took him a few min 
to figure out how to work it and luckily managed not to clear it's 
memory.  he scrolled through it's memory.  and luckily there was 
still a number from about the time when the message was left.  
actually, it had called twice within a few min of each other.  oh 
well,  he wrote down the number on the palm of his hand.  reset 
the box so it looked like he had never touched it.  and slipped 
out the room hoping no one had seen him.  there really wasn't any 
reason for him to be so worried.  there was nothing wrong with him 
being in his parents room or look up someone’s number on the 
caller id box.  it, like so many other things,  was all in his 
head.  so, with the number in hand he barricaded himself in his 
room.  hoping to talk to his girl in private.  he checked the 
phone, and was joys not to hear a computer screeching to him as he 
picked up the phone.  he tried the number.  it rang once before he 
realized he didn't know the name of the person he was calling.  he 
slammed the phone down before anyone picked up.  and thought.  how 
was he going to ask the person on the phone to let him talk to his 
girl, if he didn't know her name?  he could ask for her daughter.   
but,  she had two sisters he remembered. he could call and just 
hope that she picked up.  but what if she didn't?  he decided to 
chance it.  once more he dialed her number.  it rang 3 times... 
then someone picked up, it was a woman who said hello,  without 
thinking he asked her, "is your daughter home?" and he was asked 
which one.  in a sudden burst of inspiration he said, "your 
youngest.  i met her the other day and she gave me this number but 
it didn't have her name with it, and for the life of me,  i can't 
remember it." *did I just say 'for the life of me'?  oh god I’m a 
dweeb.*
	"I’m sorry they are still at... wait, did you say...  HOW DID 
YOU GET THIS NUMBER" she screamed at him through the phone.
	"umm..   my family..  umm..  has caller ID..  and umm.."
	"SHIT.  oh..  I’m sorry.  umm.   I didn't mean to scream. 
it's just that umm..  I wasn't expecting you to call today."
	oh, if it's a bad time I can call back latter, if you had 
plans or something..  I understand."  Steve felt horrible.  she 
had other plans..  she was probably going out with her girlfriends 
or something.
	"no..  i..  i didn't, i just wasn't um..  so...  what did you 
call for?"
	"my dad was on the computer, so i decided I’d try calling."  
oops, i sound to desperate,   need to sound more aloof. "i mean,  
i just happened to be going though the answering machine and found 
your number,  so..."  was that any better?  Steve didn't know. 

	"oh, well,  umm..   i was going to be meeting some friends in 
an hour or so,  but, i could talk to you until then, i guess"
	"oh, don't you have to get ready or something?"
	"no, it's nothing like that,  we're just going to be hanging 
around the house.  playing D&D and stuff."
	"oh, cool, i wish i could join you girls,  but I don't think 
my parents would let me."
	her voice came back slightly panicked, "ya, well,  I’m not 
sure if they would like another person joining in anyways."  Steve 
noted the panic on this subject.  was it just the game, or was it 
the idea of meeting him again?
	"but, um..  i could probably get away tomorrow after school.  
do you think I could meet you?"
	"i don't think so,  the voice came back less panicked but 
still feared.  so maybe there was hope there.
	"so tell me about this game that you and your friends are 
playing."
	and she did,  for about 30 min.  the detail of the 
character's lives were amazing.  it also sounded like a lot of fun.  
and by the time her friends showed up he wished he could join in,  
he said so,  but he didn't press it,  and she simply told him that 
it wasn't a good idea.  he was about to hang up when he remembered 
something important. "WAIT!  there's something i have o ask you."
	"what?"
	"what's your name?"
	"oh, um.. one sec"  there was a longish pause and then he 
heard her pick up the phone again.  sorry,   just getting the 
jerks set up in the other room.  what were you saying?"
	"i was asking what you name was."
	"oh, I’m sorry,  i didn't hear you,  they where being loud.  
my name's Jessica.  well, the peasants are growing restless..  i 
better go see to them before they start burning things to get my 
attention.  don't laugh, it's happened before."
	"ok,  bye Jessica.  I’ll call you tomorrow if that ok."
	"oh, ya..  sure, talk to you then.  bye bye."
	Jessica.  he finally knew her name.  Jessica.  a more pretty 
name there could never be.  her voice still echoed in Steve’s 
brain.  it was so sweet,  so caring..  she loved him,  he could 
tell.  she was still skittish talking to him,  but Steve thought 
that was cute.  


Chapter Thirteen

the mighty warrior narrowed his eyes as he stared down the 20 
archers sent by his nemesis, The Lich.  not the most exotic force 
he'd been paired against but none the less lethal.  and cheap too.  
he would have wondered if The Lich was getting careless in his old 
age, but the archers had loosed their first volley.  Roy, the 
strongest warrior in the land, had to make a quick decision.  to 
try to hide behind cover, no, that would only let them sneak up on 
him or even worse, just throw oil on him and burn him from a 
distance.  then perhaps he should run away, no. that wasn't Roy, 
the hero of legend.  so he pulled his shield up just in time to 
meet the volley of arrows and charged the archers with all his 
speed.  the archers loosed more arrows.  again and again they 
struck Roy's shield and armor.  a few even managed to push into 
his tender flesh, but Roy ran on.  stopping only when he 
absolutely had to too pull out a particularly deep arrow, or break 
off a shaft.  by the time he had closed with the first archer, he 
was bleeding from several dozen wounds.  he raised his mighty 
sword fell the first archer just as a phone began to ring.
	"Wait up a moment, my parents aren’t here.  and they might be 
calling to check up on me."  
	Jason left the room to a yell of, "but the archers need to 
take their second attack this round!" which Jason ignored and 
picked up the phone.
	"hello?"
	"hi, Jessica?  how you doing?"	it was Steve again.  he 
was calling Jason every night now.  sometimes they would talk for 
hours.  Steve didn't seem to be getting tired of talking to him 
either.  and not once did he ever seem to suspect that 'Jessica' 
wasn't a girl.  he thought his voice would have given it away, 
having lowered enough that he couldn't sing some of the songs at 
the school masses in the same octave he used to.  so he assumed 
his voice had broken.
	"umm, Steve, I’ve got some friends over doing the D&D thing, 
could i call you back latter?" cal him back?  why'd he say that?  
he could have just said he was busy tonight and couldn't talk.  
but mow he had to go hurry through a battle with Adam so he could 
call Steve back and talk to him.
	"ok,  I’ll be waiting."
	Jason hung up and went back to Adam and the table of 
miniatures.  
	"so, what did you're parents say?"	
	"oh, nothing.  just wanted to make sure i was ok."
	"liar, you told whoever it was that you'd call them back, 
you'd never call our parent's back.  so who is she?"
	"who's who?" Jason said feeling slightly like an owl.
	"your new girlfriend.  is it that mysterious S.P. you where 
so crazy about at that party a couple weeks ago?"
	"ya, kinda" Jason said bashfully, though he wasn't sure why.  
after all, it's not like he was still smitten with her or anything.
	"it's been almost two weeks since that party, you two must be 
pretty close by now if you where that into her that long ago and 
she hasn't dumped your ass yet."
	"i thought you wanted to finish this battle.  or would you 
rather talk about girls."
	all Adam did was toss him the dice, which Jason didn't need 
since he had about three sets behind his screen.  "ok, 19 archers 
left, the three closest to you use their second attack to drop 
their bows and draw swords, that leaves, 16 attack rolls to make,  
against ac of...  3 right, why did i ever give you that armor... 
ok,  no hits, two hits, woohoo, one more hit, hit and crit wow, 
and two more hits, the last two miss.  that makes 7D6, 23 damage.  
how many HP you got left?"
	"26, I’ll be fine."
	Jason watched as over the next 9 rounds Adam's character 
decimated the archers until a failed moral check scattered them.  
they hid in an abandoned fortress.  they regrouped but Roy was hot 
on their tail and they where all slain before they could let their 
second arrow fly.
	After letting Adam find a letter from the lich he kicked him 
out of his house, but before he told him what the letter actually 
said.  this drove Adam nuts which Jason loved,  so all was good.  
until he remembered that Steve was still waiting for that call 
back.
	"hello, i was kinda starting to think you weren’t going to 
call me back."  Jason kicked himself,  he could have just avoided 
calling and claimed he forgot or fell asleep or something.
	"oh, but I’m here.  so, what where you calling about 
earlier?"
	"oh, nothing really, just wanted to know how your day was, 
maybe what you had planned for the weekend.  you know, the same 
old thing we usually talk about."
	"oh, no real plans for this weekend.  Mike is out of town so 
Adam and I where just going to run a couple one on one quests.  
how about you?"
	"might get together with one of my friends, i don't know 
yet."
	"sounds fun. so, any luck raiding your house for books?"
	"no, my mother had a bunch, but they didn't look like they 
were what i was looking for."
	"that’s too bad, think you can get out to a used bookstore 
this weekend?"
	"na, my dad's going out of town this weekend and my mother 
needs the car. I’m stuck at home unless someone could come pick me 
up."
	"that sucks.  i really wish you could read this book, it 
changes the way you think.  you REALLY have to read it someday."
	"could you read it to me?"
	"what? you mean, like bedtime story kinda thing?  isn't that 
a little weird?"
	"kinda, but it's not like we've got much else to do this 
weekend.  and you have a beautiful voice."
	now what?  Jason didn't know what to say, first about the 
reading a book to him over the phone, that was just weird. the 
second about him having a 'beautiful voice'. all he could think to 
say was what his mother always told him to say when someone 
complimented him.  "thank you." 
	"so do you still have the book?"
	"ya, it's right here"  without knowing why he pulled the book 
off the shelf next to his bed.  
	"so,  please,  I’d really appreciate it if you did this for 
me.  and you keep telling me i have to read this book, and there 
doesn't seem to be any other way."  none of Jason’s other friends 
had really ever been interested in his choice of books.  it would 
be kinda nice to have someone to talk to about them. but, it..  
it's just weird.  reading a book over the phone.  and to a guy who 
as far as he can tell still has a crush on him.  still, it would 
be nice to have a freind who was interested in the same things as 
him.  FREIND!?!? he thought about it and, yes, he did think of 
Steve as a friend.  he DEFINANTLY didn't have the same feelings 
for Steve that Steve had for him, but he fit into the 'friend' 
category, more than anyone else in his life at that moment.  and, 
his thoughts went back with regret to their first night together, 
and how he woke up.  *it was just a mistake, that won't happen 
again,  we can just be friends.  after i read him the book, i'll 
tell him.  he'll understand.*  still uncertain, he opened the book 
thinking that he could always stop and make him read it himself.  
"prologue..."


Chapter Fourteen

as much as Steve tried to get her to meet him, Jessica remained 
adamant on the subject.  it didn't hurt their friendship any, and 
in fact, it only made Steve desire her more.  she had placed 
herself on a pedestal, and he ad mired her knowing he could never 
attain her.  she was his Gwenavier, he was her Lancelot.  he loved 
her from a far, but loved her all the more strongly.  over the 
next couple weeks they spent no less than 30 min on the phone with 
each other each day.  usually closer to an hour.  Steve had 
thought just talking would get boring,  especially with someone he 
had so little in common with.  but they could talk endlessly.  
about their friends,  their families, books, movies, food... the 
list seemed endless.  she was so fascinating.  he could listen to 
her tell him about herself for hours.  and actually did that one 
weekend.  she had started telling him about a book that she had 
read that he simply had to read.  but he couldn't find it around 
the house,  so she just read it to him.  it became a little ritual.  
he would lay in bed listening to her calm soothing voice.  they 
only read a chapter or two a night.  but eventually, the story was 
finished, the both cried together at the ending.  linked by a 
phone and their sympathy for the main character.  that night, just 
before they went to sleep,  tears still in his eyes,  he told her.  
softly.  "I love you."  there was a long pause on the phone,  he 
listened for what was at least 5 full min, but not a sound came 
back.  then, unceremoniously the line disconnected.  he thought 
about calling her back, but it was well after 11, and a school 
night,  her parents might get upset about her being on the phone 
so late.  so he lay in bed.  and thought about the weeks they had 
been talking.  all he had learned about her.  He thought she felt 
the same way.  why else would she have spent the past 2 weeks 
reading him a book.  Why else would she have told him the things 
about her family or cried to him when some boys at her school 
teased her and pulled on her hair in class and the teacher did 
nothing.  it pained Steve to think that people could do that to 
his sweet and innocent Jessica, and he couldn't do anything to 
stop it.  he thought about going to see her every day he was on 
spring break and she was still in school.  but he didn't.  she 
might have hated him for it.  and her approval was all that 
mattered to him.  but it still pained him that she wouldn't let 
him be there for her. he knew that she wasn't seeing anyone, he'd 
made sure of that in the first couple nights.   so what was it?  
had she been hurt by a guy?  she WAS really skittish about talking 
about people she'd dated, so much so that he decided not to get 
into it with her. at the time he thought that she was just not 
wanting to scare him off.  she might have had quite a past. that 
didn't bother him though.  he actually was kinda looking forward 
to her teaching him some things.  but now that didn't really fit.  
she might have 'turned over a new leaf'.  started a new life and 
doesn't want to fall into the habits of the old, and dating him 
might hasten her fall.
	all the horrible things that might have happened to her.  he 
wanted to make sure nothing like that ever happened again.  he 
wanted to take her into his arms and keep her safe, so no one 
could ever hurt her again.  but he couldn't even meet her face to 
face.
	his head filled with noble thoughts, his dreams that night 
where of mostly of rescuing Jessica from some evil monster or 
deadly peril.  then, with the monster slain and peril averted, he 
would take her in his arms, look into her eyes ad tell her, "no 
one will ever hurt you again, I’ll always be here for you."  and 
while her eyes fill with tears of joy, he lays her down on the 
soft grass, and kisses hr full on the lips.  she lightly places 
her arms around his neck. they begin gently to remove each other’s 
clothes playfully teasing each other with careful curious fingers.  
the warm spring sun warmed their naked bodies as they playfully 
wrestled and rolled.  Steve rolled her under him and looked down 
into her big brown eyes.  she looked back into his, and muttered a 
single word, "yes."  their love making began slowly but quickly 
the two lovers abandoned their caution and their love making grew 
fiercer and more urgent.  Steve began to spasm and come as Jessica 
panted his name, "oh, Steve.. Steve!!" she screamed as she began 
her own orgasm.
	"Steve, Steve!  WAKE UP!!  YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR 
SCHOOL."  his father screamed at him from out side his door.  
Jason was infinitely glad that his father hadn't seen what had 
just been going one in his bed.  sure he was alone, but that just 
made him feel worse.  he got up and waddled over to the bathroom 
to clean himself off and ready himself for school.
	School that day went very quickly.  his mind and his pencil 
kept going back to his dream.  it had all seemed so real to him. 
and he wished it could be.  but he remembered what had happened 
the night before.  he had given in first and told her that he 
loved her.  and instead of her own soft ‘I love you’ in response, 
she hung up on him.  he once again thought of all the horrible 
reasons that she might have done that.  but not for long,  his 
friends noticed him not eating,  he wasn't even trying today.  he 
was just slowly shading his latest sketch, a close up of Jessica’s 
face as she told him yes in his dream.  it was the picture that 
brought friends' attacks down on him.


Chapter Fifteen

	"I love you"
	the words ran through Jason’s head like a flaming bull.  he 
put down the phone jumped to his bed and cried.  cried until he 
thought his parents might hear him. then he remembered the phone 
and reached down and hung it up. then went back to his bed and 
threw a pillow over his head and resumed crying.
	*how could Steve love me?  i haven’t done anything to make 
him love me.  I’m a guy. all I did was read him a book.  and 
talked with him.  we haven’t ever even met since that first 
night.*  his body shuddered at the thought.  the night they had 
spent together.  *but we didn't do anything that night, we 
COULDN"T have.  if we had, he'd surly know i wasn't a girl.  that 
would have solved all my problems.  then I’d be able to get on 
with my life.*
	he had to tell him now.  and it was going to crush him.  
which would be followed very shortly by Steve crushing every bone 
in Jason’s body.  Jason was scared, and he cried some more.  what 
else could he do.  tomorrow night, Steve was going to call again.  
he could just ignore him, hope he goes away.  but, he'd already 
tracked him down once.  and he knew where he lived.  or at least 
where Adam lived, and he was just next door, he would find him.  
at the least, he'd ask Adam or his parents, that that would start 
a LOT of questions that he didn't want to get into.  people 
wouldn't believe why he had been pretending to be a girl to a boy.  
and talking to him every night for over 2 weeks.  his parents knew 
he'd been on the phone a lot recently but they had alluded to him 
that they thought it was a girlfriend and while he didn't confirm 
it, he had never denied it to them.  if they found out that he'd 
bee talking to a boy all that time, they'd think he was gay.  his 
father would never listen to a rational explanation of it.  *there 
was a rational explanation wasn't there?  why have i been talking 
to Steve?  he is interesting, and interesting people are hard to 
find.  he is interested in the things I like.  or is that just 
because he likes me.  why does he like me anyways.  he nothing in 
common with me! why does he have to keep calling me?  why can't he 
just go find himself a real girl.  he goes to a coed school, he's 
practically swimming in girls, why doesn't he bug one of them for 
a change.  why doesn’t he just leave me alone.*
	Jason cried himself to sleep.  only to wake in horror a few 
hours later.   he curled up in his bed and cried again.  it wasn't 
fair. but life wasn't fair.  he fought with all his might to push 
the dream out of his head.  but it kept coming back.
	*why...  why...  why...* he kept asking himself.  but an 
answer never appeared.  just kept remembering, the dream.  he lay 
in bed, staring at the wall.  waiting for an answer to come.  or 
for something to take him away.  hours past,  Jason didn't move.  
he hardly blinked.  the room grew lighter with the rising sun. he 
heard an alarm go off in his parent's room.  and the heavy 
footsteps of his father.  the sound of running water filled the 
house then stopped.  the heavy footsteps after a time sounded 
their way down the hallway, out the front door and a car was 
started.  within a few seconds the car was too far away to hear.  
in time a second alarm sounded.  soft footsteps preceded his 
mother coming to his room.  she shook him to wake him up and told 
him he had to get ready for school.  she knew he was up late last 
night.  and it wasn't too surprising for her that he wasn't waking 
up.  although his eyes where open, she didn't notice in the dim 
morning light.  instead, she closed the curtains and left.  Jason 
thought he might get in trouble, but his mother didn't seem to 
care.  he hadn't missed many days of school this semester.  and 
his grades where good.  and it was a Friday.  maybe she figured he 
needed a three day weekend.  he heard her shower turn on.  the 
water ran for a time then stopped, followed by more time.  a few 
min latter he heard his mother's footsteps as she walked into his 
room, shook him one last time telling him he needed to get up for 
school.  but Jason just stared blankly at the wall.  he heard her 
words.  yet they seemed distant.  like they didn't matter.  like 
she was talking to someone else.  once more she gave up and closed 
the door.  Jason followed her footsteps down the hall.  heard a 
door open and close.  a car engine turned on and it's rumble faded 
as it left down the street.  Jason was alone in the house.  he lay 
in bed, unable to find any reason to move.  so there he laid.  
waiting.  he waited for the answer to come.  the reason for all 
this to be happening to him.  why he couldn't just be a normal.  
why he couldn't be happy.  the sun pushed the shadows across his 
room and once again, he heard an engine, this time it grew louder 
until stopping in front of the house and turning off.  his father 
never got home until much late.  and the lighter footsteps he 
heard in the hallway confirmed this. his door squeaked a little as 
she peeked in on him.  but seeing he was still there and seemingly 
asleep she left him.  he must have been stayed up later last night 
than she thought.  her footsteps disappeared into the other end of 
the house.  and his thoughts returned to his life.  or lack of a 
life.  his problem with Steve.  as the shadows began to win over 
the light, he realized that Steve would soon be calling again.  
and last nights dream didn't change anything.  Steve still had to 
know about him.  he had to tell him he was a boy.  then Steve 
would go away and leave him alone.  and he can get back to trying 
to have a normal life.  he heard his father's car pull in and his 
father enter the house.  he didn't go in to check on Jason.  no 
one ever did.  he could sit in his room for days and no one would 
ever talk to him.  his parents didn't even check to make sure he 
ate.  so, once again tonight he skipped dinner.  not a big deal.  
he'd eaten yesterday.  he'd gone longer without eating.  much 
longer.  
	just a couple hours left.  Jason lay there.  waiting.  the 
answers never came.  but the phone call did.  he lay there, 
pondering the ringing.  wondering what it meant. if he should go 
get it.  or just let it go away.  all things went away if you just 
waited long enough.  not even diamonds are forever.  give them a 
few billion yeas and you'll have a fancy pencil.  the ringing 
stopped.  just like he knew it would. but it returned a few min 
later.  this time he knew he had to get it.  so, summoning all his 
strength he picked up the phone from next to his bed.  it felt 
weird to voluntarily move after hours of motionlessness.  
movements felt exaggerated.  his voice came out sounding the same 
as ever.  somehow he had felt like more should have changed.  like 
something should have changed.  but it hadn't.  nothing ever 
changes.  no matter how much he wants it to.


Chapter Sixteen

"hey Steve, who's the babe?" "ya she looks hot" "you shag her 
yet?" his friends teased him.  they didn't think much about his 
drawings.  h blushed until he remembered that he had slept with 
her, though the two of them never talked about it, so, with 
confidence he simply responded to their verbal prodding with 
"yes."  which had the effect of shutting them all up.  until they 
remembered the girl from last summer.  one of them put things 
together a little quicker than the rest and asked, "wasn't her 
hair longer than that?"
	"ya, it was back when we slept together, she's wearing it 
shorter for school."
	talking about his lone sexual conquest usually had the effect 
of putting them in awe of him, this time was no different.
	"so, you're still together?"
	"ya, she lives over an hour from my house so was don’t get to 
see each other very often" like, ever, but they didn't need to 
know that, "she's been calling me on the phone every night 
recently.  she can't wait till we can get together again." that 
was exactly backwards, but once again, they didn't need to know 
that.
	"cool, i cant wait to see her at the dance."
	"what?"
	"don't tell me you haven’t asked her yet.  we were all 
planning on going stag, but if you got a date, we might have to 
all find someone." "you know, you should really ask her soon"
	"ya, I forgot all about it.  but ya, I’ll ask her tonight."
	"great, we're all looking forager to meeting her" a tallish 
boy with blond hair said with a slight laugh while turning his 
nose up the drawing he was holding in his hand, though Steve 
couldn't remember when he had handed it to him.
	the last three classes of the day where filled with thoughts 
of how to ask Jessica to the dance.  the direct approach,  asking 
her to it flatly, they were friends, even if she didn't want to 
date him, they could still go to a dance together. he just hoped 
that his friend’s wouldn't want him to prove they where dating.  
he could also try the indirect approach. just mention that the 
school was having a dance, and he and his friends where going to 
do, and he wondered if she wanted to join him.  no, she wasn't 
that dumb.  and once again there was the problem of his friends.
	he loved this girl.  why was it so hard for her to tell him 
the same back?  he had to meet her.  OH! and he could bring her a 
present.  jewelry, girls like that kinda stuff.  maybe a ring.  no,  
that seemed a little too serious, he didn't want to scar her or 
anything.  earrings then, that was nice, thoughtful yet impersonal.  
more of a 'just friends' sort of thing, but maybe more.  then 
after he helps her put them on, he'll tell her once again how he 
feels, face to face.  that's the way something like that should be 
done. and once she tells him she loves him too, he'll ask her to 
the dance.  now, when to do all this.  tomorrow, Friday?  no, 
Saturday.  give him time to find the perfect earrings for her.  he 
had an idea of what he wanted,  but finding something like them 
that he could afford was going to be the trick.  plus, if they met 
Saturday, that would give them the whole day together.  which he 
hoped would give them time to get better aquatinted with each 
other in person.  and maybe, he hoped, well, after all, no matter 
how noble, he was still a man.
	once he got home, he rode his bike to the nearest strip mall, 
which he knew had a jewelry store.  he looked around for a few min, 
but didn't see anything like he wanted.  he hadn't really expected 
to find it today. he'd look after school tomorrow in earnest.
	he rode back, and set his mind to his homework, though his 
heart wasn't into it.  and at 9:00 sharp, his usual time for 
calling he, he called Jessica.  uncertain what to say, "hello?" 
her voice said after a almost 4 rings.
	"hello Jessica"
	"i'm sorry, you've got a wrong number."
	"oh sorry" Steve hung up and tried the number again this time 
making sure to press the right numbers.
	the response came back after just barely one ring. "hello?"
	"hello, Jessica?"
	"hi."
	"I’m glad i dialed the right number this time."
	"ya, so, what's up?"
	"well," Steve thought about asking her to the dance right 
then, but he still had his plan.  he has to see her in person.  
somehow, he had to meet her. "just thinking about you.  decided to 
call.  you know, like usual."
	"ya, i know.  so, what did you think about the book?" her 
voice sounded tired, and scared.  she had heard what he had said.  
he knew it."
	"ya, i, um.. really liked it.  I’m not sure if i completely 
'grok' what he was trying to say, but it has definitely made me 
think."
	"cool, what about?"
	a moment of inspiration hit Steve, and the plan took shape, 
"oh, about books,  I’d like to read it again, by myself this time.  
and maybe some of the other books you've told me about.  do, you 
think you could, umm..  meet me at a bookstore,  that way you 
could help me..  you know, tell me what ones i should read first 
and stuff."
	there was a long pause as she seemed to consider this.  
"Steve, there are some things i should tell you..."
	"there are some things i want to tell you too.  that’s why... 
why i... i thought we should talk, in person, face to face."
	"I'm not sure if i feel comfortable telling you this face to 
face.  i'd feel a lot safer just telling you now."
	"safer?  I’d never hurt you.  you know that.  besides, it 
will be a public place.  and a book store, with lots of people 
who'll get upset if i even raise my voice at you." there was no 
lauhter from the other end of the phone. In fact, she sounded like 
she was about to cry.  if she wasn't already.  he didn't think 
that was a good sign.
	"i'd have to ask my mother if she could take me.  when did 
you want to meet?"
	"i figured Saturday.  anytime, whenever is best for you."
	"i'll go ask"  was followed by an infinitely long pause.  
this was closer than he had ever gotten to getting her to meet him.  
it was actually going to happen, the plan was working.  he was 
going to have the most beautiful date to the dance.  


Chapter Seventeen

"mom, can you take me to the bookstore tomorrow."
	"sure honey, are you going to be meeting your little friend?"
	"what? who?"
	"that girl you've been talking to for the past few weeks, the 
one that's on the phone right now.  oh, should i talk to her?  
maybe to her parents,  make sure they know about this too."
	"NO! i mean...that’s ok.  just a ride to the bookstore would 
be fine."
	his mother smiled a knowing smile, "ok, we can leave as soon 
as you're ready tomorrow."
	"sure, thanks mom. i should be up by noon tomorrow.  so, you 
think we could be there by one?"
	"sure, now go tell her."
	a very shaken and nervous Jason left and picked up the phone.  
"how about one o'clock, will that do?
	"THAT'S GREAT!" Steve practically yelled into the phone.  
Jason doubted he'd be that exacted after he heard what he had to 
tell him.  but that could wait.  Jason had decided he might as 
well face it in person.  and if Steve could find some kind of 
humor in it, maybe they could still be friends.  he did after all 
sound interested in the stuff Jason talked about.  not all of that 
interest could be feigned, right?  so he'd tell him in person, and 
take his beatings if that’s what it came down to.  and it WAS a 
public place.  so it's not like he could do too much to him.  he 
hoped.
	"ok, then I’ll see you then," Steve’s voice brought him back 
to reality. 
	"ok, bye"
	"bye"
	they hung up.  and Steve thought about what he had just 
agreed to.  and was oddly calm.  there was nothing more to do.  
his mother would take him.  he would walk up to Steve and tell him.  
and Steve would...  beat him back and blue.  but at least then it 
would be over. and hopefully the dreams would go away.  and he 
could go back to being a normal guy.
	he couldn't sleep, and the night was still early.  so he set 
himself to wandering the internet.  his mind was lost in it for 
hours.  until the slight bluing of the window told him that it was 
getting close to dawn.  and he'd might as well get some sleep 
tonight.  and besides, you don't reach REM sleep for about 2 hours.  
he'd be safe as long as he set his alarm to wake him up before 
then.
	it seemed like only minutes between his head touching the 
pillow and the alarm beginning to screech.  not even bothering to 
hit the snooze, he turned it off and prepared himself to meet his 
fate.  his mother thought he was meeting a girl and would never 
let him out of the house if he didn't look good for her.  so he 
cleaned himself well for once.  he decided to leave his hair down.  
he thought his usual tail might look too girly.  and for the rest 
of his clothes,  the usual.  well, the usual that wasn't his 
school uniform. jeans a and a t-shirt if you have to know.  baggy.  
his mother seemed to have no concept of his actual waist 
measurement.  very few of his pants would stay up without a belt.  
and shirts,  he kinda liked them baggy,  kinda made it look like a 
tunic from medieval Europe or a sci-fi something or other.  At 
least that’s what Jason thought.  once he was dressed he banged on 
the door to wake up his mother, then went to the car and took a 
nap.
	he woke up again and felt for his back pack, it wasn’t' there!  
had he left in his locker at school?  no, he took it home, *Oh my 
god*, he didn't finish that English paper that’s due Monday, and...   
he forgot his tie!  he freaked once more.  he wasn't in his 
uniform.  he wasn't even going to be allowed in any of is classes.  
then as he looked around he realized it was brighter than it 
usually was on the way to school.  then remembered it was Saturday 
and he didn't have school.  then he remembered what he DID have to 
do.  and he panicked once more.  his mother didn't seem to notice 
any of this.  she only said how much longer the drive was when 
Jason asked her.
	they where almost there so Jason didn't have to wait long. he 
arrived a little earlier than he'd expected, oh well, he was 
waiting in a bookstore,  he could never bet bored there.  he got 
out of the care and to the store.  about the time he actually 
walked the fear finally hit him.  habit or perhaps some strange 
yet undiscovered nerd/book reaction forces drew him to the fantasy 
and sci-fi section.  *why are fantasy and sci-fi always put 
together like this.*  he often wondered. *true most of the people 
that like one like the other, but that doesn't explain why.  maybe 
it's the tunic thing.  or is it an effect of the same phenomenon.  
as he was pondering the torso coverings of the people in the cover 
art of the rows of books, yell intruded the little world he was in.  
yells are not common in bookstores.  and especially not yells of 
the female name he'd told Steve.  he turned his back to the voice, 
and hunched over,  hoping Steve wouldn't notice him. he stupidly 
thought he could somehow get out of this without telling Steve.  
that somehow everything would be all right.
	"Jessica?  sorry I’m late, i had to pick up something." Jason 
turned around.  and it was the guy from the party.  he almost 
bolted right then.  but he had called him Jessica.  he was the guy 
from the phone.  and he hoped he wouldn't get too upset.  he 
looked like a boy today.  He waited for the abuse to start.  the 
yelling and name calling.  calling him a fagot and a pervert.  but 
Jason deserved it.  that’s what he was, wasn't he.  he had 
willingly let a man believe he was a girl, and made him fall in 
love with him.  and there was the dreams..  he looked up at Steve.  
he was definitely the guy from the party.  he must have been so 
embarrassed that he didn't want to tell me he was the one who left 
that note for me.  or maybe he wasn't sure of Jason’s gender back 
then, and figured that was a safe way to pursue things until he 
knew for sure.  and all Jason did was confirm it.  he was sick.  
he'd done something no self respecting heterosexual male could 
ever forgive himself for.  and he waited for it to end.  for the 
lie to come crashing down.  for then he could start rebuilding his 
life and be normal again.  and the dreams.  the dreams would go 
away.  he'd make them.
	"wow, you look really nice,  I’m glad you'd decided to start 
growing your hair back out.  you look better with longer hair." 
	*what?*


Chapter Eighteen

	"So, have you asked her yet?  or are you still having trouble 
finding someone who looks like the girl you've been drawing."
	"I’m meting her tomorrow actually.  I couldn't meet her until 
then and this is really something i would rather do in person than 
over the phone."  Steve was amazed that was actually not even a 
lie.  it left out several facts, but nothing he said was untrue.
	"ya, right.  we'll see what you say when you don't show up 
for the dance.  then we'll all know she never existed.  and you 
ARE still a virgin."
	"ya, well so are you!"  he only laughed and wailed away with 
a bunch of his friends. a couple sat down and told him he believed 
him, but he didn't care.  he'd show them all.  and they would 
respect him again.  but what if she says she can't go?  then 
they'd all think he'd had made it up.  he'd lose the trust of the 
last of his friends.  and the rest would believe what was being 
said about him.  that he was gay.  he still had two more years of 
high school left, he didn't want to spend them shunned by everyone.  
he'd had a hard time finding dates before,  it would get even 
harder if all the girls thought he was gay.  his entire social 
future depended on this one dance.  then, if Jessica stopped 
talking to him, his life would be over. there would be nothing 
left for him.  his teenage mind settled on all this as only an 
insecure teenage mind can.
	after school ended, he had managed to get his mother to let 
him drive her car to school that day so he went immediately to the 
jewelry stores.
	Steve was excited, he had found the perfect earrings for her.  
well, the most perfect earrings that he could afford. which wasn't 
much.  but they were something, after all, Jessica wasn’t 
expecting anything from him.  a gift would blow her away.  she was 
going to melt in his arms,  maybe even in the back seat of his 
father's car too.  oh, he knew it would never happen, but he could 
always daydream.  and daydream he did al while driving back to 
back to his house.  he got caught up in his daydream that at 
several stoplights he for got to go and the car behind him had to 
honk to get his attention back to driving.
	once he got home he debated calling Jessica,  even just to 
remind her of their date tomorrow.  but decided against it.  he 
was going to get to see her all tomorrow, he could go with out 
hearing her voice for one night.
	or maybe not.  as he lay in bed that night, he was unusually 
restless.  and no matter how many times he tried, he couldn't calm 
himself.  he was too excited about the next day.  when sleep 
finally did come it was deep and dreamless.  he awoke with a 
single thought in his mind.  today he'd finally get to meet her.
	he blazed through his morning routine with unequaled fervor.  
not wanting to be late for their noon meeting at the bookstore he 
practically sprinted to the car.
.  his mother had said he could take the car so he took hers.  he 
was just about a mile from his house when he realized he didn't 
have the present.  he couldn't meet her without it.  so he drove 
all the way back.  and after he got it and was back on is way, he 
really hoped it was a good idea.  he wasn't sure how she'd react 
to it. she'd probably think it was stupid.  but he never expected 
the reaction he got.
	he parked his car and walked into the store.  they hadn't 
agreed on where to meet but Steve knew exactly where she'd be.  he 
walked straight to the sci-fi section.  and saw her, he called out 
to her, and she panicked and sorta curled up, like she was trying 
to hide herself.  he wondered if she was agoraphobic or had 
someone who was out to get her.  maybe she was afraid it was one 
of the guys from school coming over to pick on her.  regardless he 
walked over to her "Jessica?  sorry I’m late, i had to pick up 
something."
she looked back it him with her lovely brown eyes.  he thought she 
was going to cry, or take off running.  he tried to calm her, "wow, 
you look really nice,  I’m glad you'd decided to start growing 
your hair back out.  you look better with longer hair."  but she 
looked back into his eyes, and he saw the pain.  though he 
couldn't understand where it was from.  every instinct he had told 
him to help her.  he did the only thing he could, he gave her a 
hug.  as his arm touched her she suddenly went stiff and he hardly 
had time to blink before she darted out, running away from him.  
*shit, that was really smooth.*  he hoped she would forgive him.  
he was just trying to help.  he hopes she would see that.  when he 
finally caught up with her she was in the back corner of the 
nature handbooks, where no one ever went.  she was curled into a 
little ball and sobbing audibly.  he looked down at her uncertain 
of what to do.


Chapter Nineteen

Jason looked up at Steve standing over him.  Jason was still 
crying...
	"umm..  Jessica, i didn't mean to hurt you.  you..  you just 
looked so..  hurt.  i just wanted to help."
	"i know.. it.. it wasn't that.  it was just..."  long pause.  
"you don't know."
	"i know i love you.  whatever happened in the past.  we can 
get you past it."
	"what?  what the fuck are you talking about!?!?"
	"i..  thought..  i just...  did someone hurt you?"
	"you thought i was raped?"
	"well i wasn't sure... but.. it kinda fit.  you know with 
you're being..."  Steve just trailed off, leaving Jason wondering 
what he was thinking.
	"no..  it's nothing like that.  I’m sorry if you got the 
wrong impression."
	"no, I’m sorry.  i just care for you. that's all.  here,  i 
brought something for you."  Steve reached into his pocket and 
pulled out a small square piece of poster board.  on it Steve had 
drawn a picture of Jessica.  she was smiling and laughing, a stark 
contrast to the person in front of him now.  on the poster board 
where two small earrings.  simple green studs that somehow 
contained prisms of all other colours inside them.  they stood out 
vividly in the ears of the paper Jessica.  jason looked at the 
gift placed it on the floor and pushed it back to Steve.  "what?  
what's wrong with it?"
	"i can't wear those."
	"oh, I’m sorry.  i didn't even think.  your ears aren’t 
pierced, are they?"
	"NO! that's not it."  Jason was crying again.  he couldn't 
take it any more.  he had to tell him. "Steve. remember how i said 
i had some things to tell you?"
	"ya..  i wanted to ask you something too.  but you can tell 
me first."
	Jason took a deep breath, and tried to relax. it didn't help.  
he began anyways, "Steve.  i don't think I’m the person you think 
i am." Steve started to say something but Jason stopped him.  "yes, 
we did spend the night together back in august.  and yes we've 
been talking on the phone for the past couple weeks.  but,  I’m 
not who you think i am."  the massively confused look of Steve 
face was almost humorous.  Jason would have laughed if things 
weren’t so serious at that moment.  "my name isn't Jessica."  the 
next part was immensely hard for Jason to say. even though he'd 
said it so many times in his life before.  this where different 
now. "My name is Jason." Jason looked back up at Steve’s face.  he 
expected anger.  but instead he saw that the confused look was 
back with a vengeance.
	"i don't understand.  what are you saying?"
	"I’m saying that I’m a guy, just like you.  i attend an all 
boys catholic prep school.  SHIT!  can't you see it!  I’m not a 
girl.  i never was.  I’m a guy.  I’m..  I’m not a girl..."  Jason 
broke down into sobs once more.  while Steve just stared in shock.
	was what she was telling him true?  how could it be?  he 
stared at the delicate creature in front of him.  he wished with 
all his heart that he could just take her in his arms.  how could 
she be a guy.  but that’s what she said, what she insisted.  he 
didn't know what to say.  all he knew was she was in pain, and he 
had to help her somehow. he sat down next to her, "it will be ok. 
it's ok..  I’m here for you. just tell me what you need"
	he didn't get any answer that he could hear.  so he pressed 
himself a little closer to her.  when she didn't bolt out of the 
store immediately he felt confident to press his luck a little 
more.  slowly, letting her feel what he was doing he placed his 
arm around her and pulled her close to him.  once again she showed 
no signs of panicking or screaming or anything.  in fact, that 
actually started to worry him.  she wasn't reacting at all.  
"Jessica?  are you ok?  hello?  hey...  JESSICA!  talk to me."  
Steve was shaking her lightly.  trying to wake her up.  but she 
wasn't responding at all.  her body was completely limp.  he laid 
her down on the carpet.  she was still breathing, he thanked god 
for that.  her eyes where open, but she wasn't looking at anything.  
she still blinked thought, he hoped that was a good sign.  he 
thought about calling someone, but, he decided to try talking to 
her one last time. "Jessica, come on,  come back here.  don't do 
this.  i finally found you.  i waited all year to finally meet you,  
you can't leave me like this."  she didn't move,  she didn't speak,  
she rarely blinked.  his tears were falling freely by now,  he 
couldn't stand it.  to see the girl he loved like this.  he broke 
out into sobs and pulled her up tightly to his chest.  whispering 
to her softly.  trying to bring her back from wherever she was.  
he held her like that for several min.  she was limp in his arms.  
then without knowing why, or even really thinking about it, Steve 
reached down and kissed her.  once on the forehead.  Jessica 
remained limp.  he kissed her again.  this time on the lips.  his 
body tingled as their lips touched.  he held his lips there for 
several seconds, slowly, every so slowly pressing their lips into 
a kiss.  Steve was rewarded when she began to respond,  meeting 
his kiss with hers. after several moments her arms moved,  she 
slid her arms around Steve’s neck.  her hands playing with the 
hair as his hand slid down her back.  their mouths opened slightly 
as the kissing grew more passionate.  Jason groaned as Steve's 
hand reached Jason’s bottom.  he left it there a few moments 
before sliding it back up Jason’s back.  this time under his shirt.  
to that Jason arched his back pressing his chest into Steve’s.  
Steve was excited and he reached the top of her back and didn't 
find a bra.  less work for him.  he began to slide his hand around 
towards the front of Jessica’s shirt.
	"excuse me, but, I’m going to have to ask you two to leave."  
a geeky looking man in a store uniform said as he towered over 
them.
	Jason came out of his dream to see the uniformed man looking 
down at him disapprovingly.  then he noticed a hand touching his 
back,  under his shirt.  he spun his head around to see who's hand 
it was and masons forehead smacked perfectly into Steve’s nose.
*why is Steve’s face so close to mine?  why is his he holding me 
up like that?  why is his hand under my shirt?  what's that 
strange taste in my mouth?*  Jason lay there still in shock.  he 
didn't want to think about what had just happened to him.  he just 
laid there trying to think of absolutely nothing.
	Steve on the other hand was holding his nose and thinking 
about how much it hurt.  the uniformed man was trying not to laugh 
at him.  Steve grabbed Jessica’s hand and pulled her into standing 
upright.  he hadn't noticed how tall she was before, but she was 
just as tall as he was, if not a little taller.  she wasn't 
wearing heals either.  wow, she could be like a model or something 
he thought as he almost dragged her out of the store. if she had 
bigger breasts. but that could change.   the uniformed man 
followed them out and gave him a cough to tell him the bench 
outside wasn't acceptable either.  so, not having any other place 
to take her he simply took her to his car, placing her in the 
front passenger side.  he got in the other side and apologized to 
her,  "I’m sorry for that, i.. i wasn't thinking.  i didn't think 
anyone would see us.  but i guess we got a little carried away in 
there."
	Jason just nodded.  so Steve continued, "so, what do you want 
to do now.  I didn't really get a chance to look at what books 
they had."
	"I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT BOOKS!!  HOW COULD YOU HAVE DONE 
THAT TO ME?!?!"
	"I’m... sorry...  I, I thought you... you liked it."
	"i did NOT like it! I’m not gay!  how could you have done 
something like that to me?"  Jason said, crying for what seemed to 
be the millionth time today. 
	"who said anything about you being gay?"
	"DIDN'T YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO ME!!  I"M A MAN!!  YOU JUST 
MADE OUT WITH A MAN!"
	Steve didn't understand what she was meant?  how was she a 
man?  is she a lesbian?  did she wish she was a man.  that would 
be a shame.  he looked at her again.  her face,  smooth and 
perfect with a delicate little chin, perky little nose and big 
brown eyes.  perhaps her eyebrows where a little thick.  but 
nothing wrong with her face. certainly not some one he'd shove out 
of his bed.  his eye's traced down her slender neck to her little 
shoulders.  her collar bones stuck out a little more than he'd 
like, but she'd said she didn't eat much.  maybe he should get her 
something to eat while their out.  the next thing his eyes rested 
on was her chest.  or rather lack of it.  she really was flat.  
that was probably why she was teased so much at school.  he 
continued the rest of the way down her body, but nothing struck a 
him as out of place.  "what are you saying?"  he said still 
confused.
	The way Steve was looking at him made Jason uncomfortable.  
he was really embarrassed when he saw Steve’s eyes settle on his 
chest.  he almost wanted to cover himself up, but he wasn't sure 
why.  he just waited.  waited for understanding to come.  but it 
didn't, so he helped him out some more. "I’m not a girl, i never 
have been, my name is Jason, and I’m a 16 year old boy.  i have 
never been or even tried to be a girl.  I’m afraid all this is 
just a big misunderstanding?"
	"but!  on the phone! you said...  you said you where 
Jessica."
	"I’m sorry...  i..  i didn't want to hurt your feelings.  you 
seemed like a good person, and i was afraid you'd be upset if i 
told you the truth."
	the sad look in her eyes quelled what ever anger there might 
have been.  "i.. i guess I’m sorry too.  i messed up by assuming 
you where a girl."
	it's not a big deal.  it happens all the time.  In fact, it's 
kinda flattering?"  *Oh my god,  did I just say that?*  he'd 
always cut himself off in the past before he'd said it.  *Did I 
say it out loud or to myself.  did he even notice?*
	"really? how so? i mean, the happening all the time thing i 
understand, but, why are you flattered?  I'd be mortified if 
anyone thought i was a girl."
	"i don't know, i just.  i guess i just like being different.  
i don't just go along with the crowd."
	"Ya, i don't either.  i don't think anyone really likes to."
	"don't get me started."  Jason ended the conversation.  he'd 
had that talk before with other mundanes.  and it never went well.  
"so, how about we make a run to the mall?"
	"sure, i think we're less likely to get kicked out of there"
	Jason blushed a hard red.  "how can you even joke about that 
sorta thing?"
	"i don't know, i guess i just forgot.  I’ve been thinking of 
you as Jessica for a long time." Steve said turning a little 
pinker himself.  but covering it by turning his face away as he 
stared the car and looked around to make sure no one was coming.
	"you still think i'm cute, don't you!"    Jason could see 
Steve’s the blush spread down his neck, confirming his suspicion.  
"how?  even when you know I’m not a girl?"
	"you REALLY don't look like one.  look at yourself!  as a 
girl you're actually kinda cute.  a little tomboyish, but i'm sure 
if you paid a little more attention to how you looked you could 
really start turning heads."
	"ya, of MEN!  why would i want to do that?"
	Steve just sighed and pulled out into traffic.  Jason was 
wondering what was going on in Steve’s little mind.


Chapter Twenty

the two boys where just walking into the mall when Steve turned 
around and asked, "have you eaten yet?"
	"no, but you know me,  I’m fine."
	"well, you may be fine not eating but us men need food.  I’m 
going to stop by the food court and pick something up if you don't 
mind."  that hurt Jason.  he knew he wasn't much of a man.  but 
for his 'friend' to have said something like that did not make him 
feel any better about it.
	Steve saw this, and realizing what he had said, gave him a 
one-armed hug saying, 'oh, I’m sorry,  i keep forgetting.  i..  
I’ll try to do better.  hey,  to make it up to you, I’ll let you 
have some of my fries."
	this didn't do much to improve Jason’s mood.  and he just 
walked over to one of the little tables in the food court and 
waited for Steve to get done ordering his food.  true to his word, 
he gave Jason his fries,  though he wasn't the least bit hungry.  
crying tended to do that to him.  so, Steve finished off most the 
fries anyways.  
	the conversation over the meal was strained.  Steve started 
it off, "so, you got a girlfriend?"
	"no, i go to an all guys school remember."
	"so,  i bet lots of the guy's from your school date.  aren’t 
there any co-ed schools around you or something."
	"Ya, but i don't really know anyone there."
	"why not?  get to know them"
	"how?"
	"aren’t there dances or events between your schools .  or, 
hell, we're at a mall right ow!  you could check out the girls 
here."
	"I'm not really in the mood i guess.  it's not been a good 
day"
	"i haven’t had a good day either.  i have to have a date for 
a dance this weekend or all my friends will stop talking to me, 
they already think I’ve been lying to them about meeting a girl." 
he gave a painful little chuckle, "i guess i have."
	"They don't really sound like friends to me.  anyone who 
doesn't believe you and would drop you just because of it isn't 
very friendly at all."
	"we'll they also think i might be gay.  you see, since i met 
you, i haven’t really been looking at any other girls.  i mean..  
just girls..  I’m sorry."
	"it's ok." but it still hurt. "but why does it matter that 
they think you're gay.  there have been rumors like that about me 
for years.  it doesn't really bother me."
	"well, it bothers me. can we just drop this.  I’m kinda 
feeling uncomfortable." Steve said while also looking 
uncomfortable
	"sure,  but what do you what do now, i see you've pretty much 
killed off the last of the fries."
	Steve had just put the last of said fries in his mouth and 
shrugged, swallowing.  "what you think of her?"
	"What?  what about her?"
	"well, i still need a date for the dance.  and we're already 
at the mall.  i was thinking i could pick up a girl, she goes to 
my school, think i should ask her if she's got a date for the 
dance?"
	"i don't know..  she's pretty i guess.  looks kinda boring 
though."  Jason wasn't at all impressed by her.  the bright gaudy 
high school style makeup and the clothes that looked about 5 years 
too small for her.  but that WAS in style.  maybe Steve liked that 
sorta thing.  he knew he didn't.  his thoughts drifted back to the 
angel of his dreams.  the girl to him through the darkness.
	"ok, then what about her?"  Steve said breaking Jason out of 
his daydream.  this girl looked even worse.  she looked exactly 
like the last one.  who also looked exactly like 90% of the other 
girls.  and they ALL looked like they where trying to be Britney 
Spears.  Steve's current selection was not pulling the look off 
too well,  her breasts where too big for one.  "i don't know.  
maybe you should go for someone a little less ambitious."
	"what?  you don't think i could get her?"
	"no, well, it's not that.  it's just that she pro="
	"hey,  just because i fell in love with someone who turned 
out to be a guy does not mean i can't get myself a really woman if 
i wanted to."
	"no, it's not that. i was just saying that..."  but his words 
were lost.  Steve was already walking towards the girl with 
palpable determination.  
	"Jason couldn’t hear what was being said, but he didn't mind.  
he didn't want to see what was going on either.  so he waited.  
feeling embarrassed for him.
	Steve walked up to the girl.  "um..  pardon me, but, you're 
in my history class aren’t you."
	"um, yes, what about it?"  the girl sneered wile looking down 
her nose at the pathetic slime of a creature that had dared 
address her.
	"um, well,  i was just wondering, if you were planning 
ongoing to the dance next Saturday."
	"yes i am...  oh...  were you going to ask ME to the dance.  
HA!"
	when the girl started laughing at Steve, Jason has decided to 
come to his side.  and do what he wasn't sure.  but he had known 
it was a bad idea to ask her, he'd tried to warn him, but he 
wouldn't listen.  so instead he gathered up the crumpled remains 
of Steve’s ego and walked it back over to their table.  "i tried 
to warn you"
	"eh, she was a bitch anyways."
	"she had a prom dress in her bag, even i could see that from 
here."
	"ya, well, _I_ couldn't.  hell, if you're so good at this 
then how about YOU find a date for me."
	"i don't know anyone that goes to your school."
	"doesn't matter, i'm pretty desperate at this point.  i 
don’t' even care if they look like you.. or at least my pictures 
of you.  hopefully just showing up and making out with a girl at 
the dance will get me my reputation back."
	"that's horrible."
	"eh?  how so?"
	Jason thought for a moment.  then realized he'd probably do 
that same thing.  and at least Steve was being honest.  oh well.  
"ok, how about her, she go to your school?"  Jason said subtly 
gesturing to two girls 
	"Ya, both of them do.  the brunet is April, the blond with 
the buzz-cut is Erin."
	"cool, thanks."  and Jason walked off.
	Jason was looking over the girls.  She wasn't really what he 
would have normally gone for in a girl, but looking at her now, 
April wasn’t' that bad of a catch.  and it wouldn't be 
unbelievable to imagine her as the girl from his drawings.  
especially if you imagined the girls in his drawings about 30 
pounds heavier.  *oh well* he thought, *beggars can't be 
choosers.*  and in a short time he was being waved over to the 
table. so he got up to join them.


Chapter Twenty-One

Jason walked up to the table making a bashful little entrance.  
"umm...   you two go to _____ hich school, right?" the two nodded 
wondering what could e coming next. "we'll.."  Jason blushed, he'd 
never really asked a girl out before.  and somehow the fact that 
it wasn't even for a date with him didn't make it any easier. "i.. 
i was wondering if you were free this Saturday."
	the one Steve had called April spoke up first, "I’m going to 
the dance with my boyfriend, but i KNOW Erin here is free."  she 
smiled to her friend and giggled a little.  Jason took it as a 
good sign.
	"umm...  ya..  i guess I’m free.  umm, what did you have in 
mind?"
	April interrupted, "I’m just going to go get another coke,  
you two play nice"  when she wasn't looking Erin stuck her tongue 
out at her friend.
	"so, ya, like i was saying, you want to go to the dance this 
weekend?"
	"ya, that would be nice i guess. oh no, i forgot, that 
asshole principal of ours made that rule this year."
	"what rule?"
	"you know, the no same sex couples one"  *oh shit* Jason 
thought to himself, *it’s happened again.*  instincts kicked in 
trying to avoid as much embarrassment as possible.  
	"Oh, i wasn't asking you out for me, i was asking you out for 
my friend, he's, umm.. right over there" he wave for Steve to come 
over, hoping that things would get cleared up on their own.
	"OH, my, I’m so sorry.  i.. just thought that,  well..  you 
should have said that in the beginning, you see I’m not really 
into..." but she stopped when Steve walked up and was standing 
next to the table.  "oh, hi!  umm..  what was your name?" Jason 
swallowed his pride and told her Jessica, "ya, your friend Jessica, 
was just telling me you were looking for a date for the dance."
	"well, ya..  i kinda was looking for one.  did you, well, say 
you where free?"
	"well, ya,  but...  you know, i couldn't really go with you."
	Steve gave a sigh and a small nod, "ya, i kinda figured."
	Jason was confused, "but..  i thought you said you wanted to 
go,  except for..." and that’s when the thought hit him right 
between the eyes, causing him to go a little cross-eyed for a 
second.  she wanted to go out with JESICA! not Jason.  he didn't 
know what to do.
	and this time Erin broke the silence.  "why can't you just go 
with Jessica here?"
	Steve was just as embarrassed with all this as Jason and 
instead of going into it all, just told her that it was a long 
story.  and it seemed to appease her.  "so, Jessica was it? well, 
if you don't have any plans, we could always go somewhere else 
this Saturday."
	Jason and Steve both sat there mouths hanging open a little, 
trying to figure out if what they had just heard was real.  and 
that’s the way they still where when April returned with her drink.
	"Here, i brought you one too,  so, what's wrong with those 
two?"
	"not sure.  i think it was something i said."
	that sorta ‘ctrl-C'ed Steve out of that thought loop, "i 
think we've made some horrible mistakes, we'll just be going now."  
with that he grabbed Jason by the collar and pulled him out of the 
food court entirely.  "well you fucked THAT up even worse than i 
did."
	Jason’s legs just gave out from under him and he collapsed, 
directly in the way of everyone.  without thinking Steve simply 
picked up the mass of limbs and carried her off to a bench.  
laying her across it.  that’s when Steve realized that she was 
crying again.  he hugged her gently,  but she was completely limp.  
he thought of what he had done last time.  looked down at her and 
barely caught himself before kissing her again.  he wasn't exactly 
sure if that was a good idea, he didn't want her mad at him.  so,  
he shook her a little,   when that got no response he asked her if 
she wanted him to do what had snapped her out of it the last time.  
THAT got a response,  a jerking away kicking and flaying sort of 
response. "oh, good, i bet you were hoping i wouldn't have to get 
my mouth anywhere near yours after I ate all those onions on my 
burger."
	"ha, ha, very funny."
	"so,  what was going on back there?  i thought you said you 
where a guy?"
	"i am!"
	"then why was that dike asking you out?  AND calling you 
Jessica?"
	"she's gay?"
	"um ,YA!  everyone knows that.  she doesn't even bother 
hiding it at school anymore.  she's pretty much out. and she takes 
a lot of abuse from it too."
	"so, like couldn't the two of you, like,  just put on a show.  
act like you two are all hot and into each other.  wouldn't that 
stop the rumors about BOTH of you?"
	"you really are completely clueless aren’t you.  all we'd 
have to do is dye your hair blond."
	"oh no, he'd look horrible as a blonde."  a voice said from 
behind them.   the two turned and looked straight into the face of 
April, who was only a couple feet away.  smiling like she knew 
something.
	"how long have you been standing there?" Steve once again was 
the first one to recover.
	"oh,  just long enough.  Erin was really hurt, 'Jessica'.  
she can get pretty emotional when she's upset."
	"shouldn't you be comforting her or something?  giving her a 
shoulder to cry on or whatever."
	"she'll be fine, she doesn't like being emotional around 
friends. Besides, I’m here to find out what the whole story is so 
she doesn't have to beat it out of you."
	"like i said.  it's really complicated."
	"try me.  I’m smarter than i look"  Jason didn't doubt that 
for a second.
	"we'll it all started last august.  we each got drunk and met 
at a party.  we each thought the other was a girl and ended up 
going home together, and before you even think it, no, nothing 
happened."
	Jason continued the story, "Steve here, left a note for me 
and slipped out the window.  then months latter he slips me 
another note at another party we where both at."
	Steve picked it up from there "so we stat talking and finally 
i get her, i mean, him to meet me and he tells me that he's a guy.  
so,  it's all kinda new to me too."
	"that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.  So, why where 
you asking out Erin?"
	"i wasn't, i was, but i was asking her out for Steve.  see, 
he was planning on asking me out.  but.. well..  you know."
	"So, instead you try to set him up with a lesbian?"
	"well it's not like a knew she was a lesbian."
	"what about you Steve?  did you know?"
	"well, ya,  but i didn't think he was going to try to set me 
up with HER.  i thought he was setting me up with you."
	"sorry, I’ve been taken for a couple months now.  why didn't 
you ask someone sooner, this IS kinda last min."
	"well,  I’ve been trying to get up the nerve.  and i figured 
i could finally do it today.  but then i have to find out I’ve 
been lusting after a guy."
	"you know, that's not going to help with that rumor going 
around that you're gay."
	i know.  i want to find a date to the dance to convince 
people that I’m not."
	"ah..  a cover story.  i tried convincing Erin to do that 
back before everyone knew.  now it would be kinda pointless.  
Anyway, good luck finding someone. I’m sure you and your 'crying 
game' pall here will make a nice couple."
	"what do you mean by that?!?"
	"just that you're never going to find a girl who's both 
willing to go an a date with you, and has a prom dress the can 
wear."
	"shit!"
	"so, as i see it, you can accept your fate and turn gay,  or 
you could go with Tinkerbelle here."
	"HEY!"  Jason was feeling ignored.  everyone was talking like 
he wasn't even there.  but that was kinda the presence he had been 
trying to put out, so it was kinda his own doing.
	"i want to convince people I’m NOT gay.  you're basically 
saying I’m screwed no matter what i do."
	April smiled and chuckled a little.  "i don't want to hear 
about what you to do alone together.  but I’m sure we could do 
SOMETHING with 'her' for the dance.  no one will suspect a thing"
	"some one is GOING to figure it out,  then I’ll be DEAD."
	"na, a little makeup and a nice dress and no one would 
question you."
	"Excuse me.  but do _I_ get any say in this?"  Jason inquired
	"no." "No."
	"sorry, just curious."
	"like i was saying.  I’m sure we could make this pumpkin into 
something special for the ball."
	"so, what kinda things do you have in mind?"
	"oh, well, first we'll have to go over and find a dress,  
then the right shoes... oh, good your feet around terribly big, it 
wouldn’t be too hard finding you something.  think she could 
probably borrow some of my jewelry and I’ll do her makeup.  but 
she'll have to be able to touch it up herself.  it won't last all 
night you know."
	"NO!"  Jason had had enough of this.  they where planning out 
things for him without stopping and wondering how HE felt about it.  
they were going so fast and assuming he'd go along with whatever 
they decided for him. "NO!  I’m NOT doing it.  and you can't make 
me.  i don't go to your school.  you don't even know my name.  you 
can't hold anything against me.  unless i go along with this, 
which I’m NOT."
	"you sure?  think you'd look really cute."  April tried one 
last time.  and Jason nodded. "on well,  your choice.  good luck 
Steve,  you're going to need it because you certainly wont get 
lucky again anytime soon."
	Steve was crushed. he thought they had finally come up with a 
plan that would work..  a weird and insane plane.  but a plan 
none-the-less.  "what's wrong with you?  i thought you where my 
friend?  why'd you have to turn an me like that?"
	"i AM your friend. I’d help you out if i could, but what 
you're asking of me goes a little beyond what's expected of a 
friend."
	"if one of your female friends needed a date to a dance you'd 
go with her, wouldn't you?"
	"i don't have any female friends.  and if i did they 
CERTAINLY wouldn't be trying to dress e as a girl."
	"What about Erin?"
	"what about her?"
	"I’m sure she'd love to be able to dress you in a cute little 
dress and take you to the dance."
	"Really?  no, NO!! I’m NOT putting on a dress.  not for a man 
OR a woman?  i am NOT a girl"
	Steve was getting kinda desperate.  he figured a small lie 
wouldn't be too bad, especially f it got him what he wanted.  
"some on, you know I’d do the same for you if you needed it"  
kinda a lie.  maybe not.  depending on how you interpreted it.  
definitely deceitful.  how was she going to take it?
	Jason burst out laughing attracting some fleeting attention 
to them.  "that would be a sight."
	"exactly.  and it wouldn't be as hard for you.  you wouldn't 
even have to try.  you look like a girl already.  it will be 
easy."
	"gee, thanks a lot" Jason said in the semi sarcastic tone he 
used when people complimented him like that.
	"you know what i mean.  it's the truth and you know it.  
you've said so yourself."  Jason nodded.  "
so, all I’m asking s that you show up and pretend to be Jessica 
for a few hours." he held up his had to shush her incase she was 
going to object. "that’s nothing you've haven’t done of your own 
will for me in the past.  I’m just asking for a few more hours."
	"ya, but what about the dress and makeup and shoes and 
stuff."
	"i don't care what you look like as long as your there 
looking like the girl from my drawings.  I’m NOT asking you to be 
some sexy looking hot babe or to make out with me...  again." 
Steve added that last word with a smile.  
	Jason blushed.  "so i just show up looking like i always do.  
in normal clothes.  no makeup.  just myself.  and let people call 
me Jessica?"  Jason could live with that.  that was kinda what 
he'd done in the past whenever people mistook him for a girl.
	"well,  I’d appreciate it if you looked nice, like sorta 
dressed up.  but you wouldn't have to wear a dress... unless you 
want to."
	"i don't"
	"then don't.  it's nothing to me.  i just want them to know 
that you exist.  and maybe this will get them off my back."  an 
awkward silence. "thank you for all this.  you don't know how much 
this all means to me."
	"Don't mention it...  i mean that.  DON"T mention this to 
anyone.  not even me.  i really need to forget about this whole 
thing for a while.  how about we go find that bookstore?"
	"sounds great"  and Steve led Jason through the mall.  not 
talking.  but not needing to.


Chapter Twenty-Two

	the bookstore held little consolation for Jason.  he tried to 
loose himself in the rows of books. they managed to find the book 
they where looking for and Steve even bough a couple others Jason 
had recommended.
	Jason called his other while Steve was paying for his books,  
but it would take her at least an hour to get there.  he was 
trapped.  with Steve, and his thoughts.  the local computer stores 
where another option.  they looked over the rows of games 
discussing their experiences with each and what they had hear 
about some others.  and what ones they where looking forward too.  
and so Jason managed to forget his troubles for a while.  they 
walked back out to where he told his mother to meet him.  and 
reality came crushing back on Jason.  walking in front of them was 
Erin.  Steve didn't seem to notice.  but Jason suddenly remembered 
the whole thing and grew very silent.  Steve asked what was wrong 
but Jason ignored it.  he was too deep in thought.  Erin turned 
into a store with April.  he hadn't really noticed her before.  oh 
well.  that wasn't what he was thinking about.
	his date with Steve.  it wasn't REALLY a date.  and he could 
tell himself that all he wanted.  but he was still going to 
pretend to be Steve’s girlfriends for a night.  did that make him 
gay?  it certainly would look that way. and if he got couaght, 
there wouldn't be a 'simple' explanation to get him out of it.  
was he attracted to Steve?  he'd never dated anyone before.  and 
he definitely didn't feel as strong of a pull towards Steve as he 
did towards girls.  so that was settled.  he wasn't gay.  but then 
there was the kiss.  Jason’s first kiss..  and it was by a guy.  
he almost started crying again, but held it in check with a iron 
strong will, forged in the tears of many years of teasing at 
school.  but that wasn't new.  everyone gets teased.  it had just 
taken Jason longer to get used to being able to not cry from it.
	Jason decided that he needed a girlfriend.  he was going to 
figure out SOME way to meet a girl and date her before the summer.  
he had to.  to clear up all this about himself and Steve and 
everything.  even if just in his own mind.
	and his mother pulled up. Jason hadn't even noticed that they 
were outside let alone that they had been sitting silently for 
over 10 min.	
	his thoughts continued.  the same old circles.  spiraling 
down into depression.  it was a familiar feeling.  he knew what 
was happening and welcomed it.  he still had a lot to think about.  
a lot had changed in his life.  and he had to know why it had 
taken the turn it had.  and where it would most likely go in the 
future.
	"so how was your date?" his mother's voice interrupted his 
thought's, he simply gave the usual response of 'ok' and rolled 
over to fall asleep. "that’s nice.  he certainly looked like a 
nice young man."
	"he's ok" then he heard what his mother had said.


Chapter Twenty-Three

	"so, you ready to admit that you don't have a girlfriend and 
you're a fucking homo?"
	"actually she said she'd be there.  al i have to do is pick 
up two tickets during lunch today and we'll be all set.  though 
she's been having a herd time finding something to wear so she 
might not be able to find a dress in time.  I hope you all can 
appreciate how hard it is to find a decent dress at the lat min 
like this"
	"whatever. she'd just better be there.  and she better be the 
girl from your pictures and not just some bitch you picked up this 
weekend. we'll know"
	"I’m sure you will."
	they stormed off to their own home rooms.  and the day 
progressed as normal.  at lunch he took a few min to get the 
tickets but when it came time to eat his lunch he thought better 
of going and sitting with his 'friends'.  he didn't want to even 
give them a chance.  so, instead he found an out of the way corner 
of a hallway and worked on homework and drew.  he did a great one 
of her passed out in his arms at the bookstore.  thought instead 
of making it a bookstore, they where on a bed.  it looked very 
much like a romance novel cover.  except he didn't have long 
flowing blond hair and bulging muscles.  thought he did make 
himself look a little more...well defined.  he certainly could 
never show his friends this picture, they’d laugh their asses off.  
he wondered if Jessica would like it.  then he remembered Jason 
and decided  showing anyone was a bad idea.  he put a few final 
touches on it and folded it up and put it in his binder.  there 
was only a few more minutes left anyways. so he got up and went 
over to his next class a little early.  he half panicked that his 
friends might be there to tease him about missing lunch.  but he 
didn't mind.  if jess...  Jason could do it, he could too.  the 
rest of the day went slowly.  Steve was waiting to get home,  home 
to his new books, and to call Jessica.  maybe he should have 
brought a book to school with him.  it surely would mean more 
teasing.  only nerds read books for fun, at least at school.  so, 
he thought better about it.  he was already falling down the 
social ladder.  he didn't want to hit any more rungs than he had 
to.  
	his social standing was low.  but after this weekend,  he'd 
have girls swarming all over him.  after all.  girls love 
competition.  the most attractive guy in a room is the one with 
the most beautiful girl on his arm.  must be a competitive thing.  
funny, and people say men are the competitive ones.  well,  they 
can fight over him all they ant.  and they defiantly won't have to 
worry about Jessica fighting for him.  she'd love to help him find 
someone to take her place.
	once he was finally home he drowned himself in one of his new 
books, actually, it was the book jess has read to him on the phone.  
he wasn't sure he totally understood it, and well,  he was kinda 
distracted most of the time.  so he was going to try to figure out 
what she was talking about when she discussed the book with her.  
he sure hoped he hadn't sounded like a fool.  about all he 
understood was that they ate him at the end.  but he couldn't 
figure out why.  oh well, that’s why he was reading it.  
	finally after understanding who the main character was, it 
was kinda making sense now. how could he have missed that the guy 
was from mars.  it kinda made sense now.
	he looked at the clock and saw it was a little latter then 
usual for his evening call but not so late that he shouldn't call.  
so he dialed her number.
	a few rings latter she picked up.  "hello?  Jessica?"  
	"I’m sorry, you have the wrong number again."
	"oh I’m sorry,  i meant Jason.  i don't know where my mind 
is."
	"Jason?,  let me get him."
	Steve kinda wondered if that was a wise thing to do.  but 
quickly put it behind him.  he didn't really care.  then he 
wondered when Jessica finally came to the phone.  "what did you 
tell my mother?  she's all crying now"