From the little known book of Retardedius 1:1, where the Bush has lead the neocon slaves from the unwashed masses of Southern Amerikkka to the White House.

1) And the Bush went to the mountain top because that is where his stash of cocaine was at, and behold a shrub caught on fire.

2) The Bush said unto the shrub, "Whoa man! Those were some pretty potent 'shrooms that I ate at sundown!"

3) The shrub said unto the Bush, "This is not a trip you silly little boy, you are to go forth and do my bidding!"

4) The Bush said unto the shrub, "Are you, could you be Him that is He? God?"

5) The shrub said unto the Bush, "Listen carefully stupid, I am not God, I am more powerful, I am you're daddy!!!"

6) The Bush responded, "But Daddy, I thought those evil liberals hath killed you deader than Laura's victim?"

7) The shrub said unto the Bush, "Where I have been is unimportant, you must realize that for you to become and remain President, you must bring order to the neocons, and as such, I will give you 15 Commandments to be an ideal neoconservative, read these rules and follow them, understand boy?"

8) The Bush replied, "Yes daddy, now what are those rules?"

9) The shrub burned the rules into three stones, and Bush picked them up and brought them to the neocons at the base of the mountain.

10) The Bush spoke to the unwashed masses, "My fellow neocon children, the great father, my daddy has given me 15 Commandments for us to live by, follow these rules well, and I shall be rewarded with power beyond your imagination."

11) Thus he set the tablets down and the masses read them outloud, the commandments are as follows:

I. War is good for the country, just not good that I serve during it.

II. Family values are good for OTHER people's families.

III. "Liberal" is the worst swear word ever.

IV. It is more important to worry about uncovered breasts than terrorists.

V. Gays can't be in relationships because it is our job to screw every man out there.

VI. Colleges are bastions of liberal thinking and must be destroyed unless they accept enrollments based off of nepotism.

VII. Our ideas must be heard in the interest of fairness, but the ideas of others cannot be heard because that constitutes treason.

VIII. Regulation is a good thing when we can guarantee that we are the only ones making money.

IX. Using the word "Christian" repeatedly makes us the most holy people on the planet.

X. We complain when liberals want some limits on personal freedoms and civil rights, but have no compunction about doing it ourselves.

12) As Bush came down from the mountain, he showed the tablets to the masses and stated, "Y'alls peoples of the states follow these roolz, 'causin if ya don' then y'alls be goin' to visit da Devil himself!"

13) From the group, a young child yelled forth, "But Bush, leader of the great neocon thinkers, you said there were 15 Commandments, and there are only 10 here, what of the other 5?"

14) The Bush spoke in a great and powerful voice, "Now son, that is just some fuzzy math there, there, I didn't say 15, I said 10. For showing such pertinence, you will be forced into a re-education camp where you can learn that I am correct no matter what, who's with me now?"

15) The masses hooted and hollered, drank and snorted coke deep into the night and all was well for the neocons.

16) Amen.