Dear Abby,

I am a pedophile priest in Mt. Washington, KY who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in Morehead and one of my sisters, who lives in West Liberty, is married to a recently disbarred lawyer. My father and mother have recently been arrested for making and distributing child porn. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Covington. I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Eddyville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Campton. She is a part time "working girl". All things considered, my problem is this: I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who is a Bush supporter?

Signed,
Worried About My Reputation