12/08/04
Tad's Survival Guide
I think we have all heard of tigers, bears and lions escaping from zoos; recently I heard of one such occasion and decided I could do some good by making Tad�s Survival Guide. If you have recently heard of a wild beast prowling through forests than try and avoid long nature hikes. If you encounter one of these vicious animals as you embark through the forest, I have no advice besides grabbing a stick and getting ready for a brutal fight. This is why I advice you always use the buddy system. Make sure your buddy is slower than you or weaker, if you come by a threat push your buddy to the ground; you only need to be faster than your friend to escape unscathed. If you happen to have a firearm on you I would recommend you shot your friend. I say this because if you happen to miss the animal you will enrage it and most likely end up as the dead one. If the animal leaves as you fire the weapon just dispose of the body with a wood chipper.

If you find yourself in the hood or a ghetto I have a few tips for you. Never make any eye contact for this could encourage brutal activities. A strange person comes walking over to you and asks, �Looking for a good time?� Although that might be exactly what you are doing refrain from saying yes because you may end up committing an illegal infringement. Also if anyone asks for spare change tell them you don�t have �none.� Bad grammar or admitting that you have money could persuade someone to �jump� you or even �mess you up.�

When confronted by a person who is larger than yourself while lacking a knife, gun, chainsaw, mace, brass knuckles, sword, spear, num chucks or any other weapon do not attempt to enrage this person. If the person asks for something you can provide than do so, if you do not want to do one of two things. Tell the person you know someone older or that you have any of the weapons previously mentioned at hand to use on your discretion.

On a sinking ship always have a spare wig or skirt with you if you happen to be a man. This will enable you to be saved before other people on the boat with you. Some may have you believe this is taking away your manhood, I would like to present these people with the question, would you rather be a live drag queen or a dead man? I would even suggest you use some makeup to cover your manly features and if possible take a quick shower to give that always clean smell that a woman possess.
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