Not Lost, Nor Faded

"Vash, you have to." Vash simply continued to stare off into space. "Look, I know you've had one hell of a week-"

"-and that is one hell of an understatement," continued Vash with, malice in his words. He could say no more.

Wolfwood tried to read his friend's face, but found nothing. This wasn't like Vash at all. Wolfwood had seen him happy, sad, excited, disappointed, afraid, confused, everything - but he had never seen him like this. He wasn't sure if he was showing every emotion at once, or no emotion at all. That's all I need, thought Wolfwood miserably, to screw up again and ruin his life, too. So much for redemption. "You have no choice, Vash. I know you think Knives has changed, but he hasn't. He's smart enough to know that a good act is a whole lot easier than a plain escape, and he's still as bent on destruction as he was before. Nobody but you can take Knives down, Tongari. And if you don't, then he might win, and I think you know what he wants." Finally, Wolfwood managed to catch a hint of expression on Vash's face - it was what he had expected, but not what he had wanted. Pain. Absolute pain. After what seemed like an eternity, Vash lifted his eyes up to meet his friend's.

"Why are you telling me this?" His voice was trembling. Wolfwood suspected that this was one of the more traumatic moments to face Vash, even considering his long life.

"The destruction of the human race is no small thing, you know. Someone had to tell you, because like I said, I think you know damn well that you're the only one on this planet who can stop Knives." He paused to reconsider the statement. "And if you're asking why I'm the one telling you, well� there's only once other person who you would have a chance of listening to, and I don't think you'd want to hear it coming from her." He laughed weakly at Vash's surprise. "Hell, I don't think she'd wanna hear it coming from her." Vash didn't even need to ask to know whom Wolfwood was referring to. He nodded slowly, the pained expression never leaving.

"So I have no choice."

"Oh, you have a choice alright. You kill him, or he kills everybody. Simple choice, if you ask me." Vash could feel the anger slowly building up inside of him. He tried to restrain it, but finally, he shot up out of his seat, and grasped Wolfwood tightly by his shoulders, and Wolfwood drew back in surprise. He could feel Vash squeezing harder and harder, and it took all of his strength not to cringe. There was a crazed look in Vash eyes, one that he hadn't had since the day on the cliff when he almost ended his life.

"It's not my choice! It isn't my choice who lives or dies, and it's not your choice either! I can't kill him, I can't�"

Wolfwood understood, surprised himself by doing so. "Vash," He spoke calmly, but with resolve. "Answer me this. Whose choice do you think it is, and how do you think I got here?" Vash's grip relaxed as the truth of this statement hit him. After a few more seconds, his arms fell to his side; he slumped to the floor, and wept.

***

"Miss Milly?" Lina knocked quietly on the door to Milly's house. "Miss Milly, are you there?" The door opened a crack, and Nicky poked his head out, nodded in acknowledgement, and stepped back inside.

"MOM!" He called, "Lina's here!" Lina smiled at him and opened the door the rest of the way. Nicky was still looking rather cheerless, which was understandable seeing as he'd just attended his first funeral a few hours ago. In fact, considering that fact and his age, he was acting remarkably strong. Lina could sympathise. She was surprised that she could keep herself from crying, let alone smile.

"Lina?" Lina turned and saw Milly emerge from a dark room adjoining the hallway where she stood. She smiled.

"Hi. Are you busy right now?" Milly shook her head. "In that case, we really need to talk." Lina strode down the hallway to the first room she could find with suitable seating, and parked herself on the couch. Milly followed closely, slightly dazed. Instead of sitting down, she stood on the other side of the room, and leaned against the wall.

"What's all this about?" asked Milly nervously. Lina grinned.

"I want you to tell me all you know about Eri- Vash. After you talked to him the other day, I realized that he's even more different than he seems to be. I want to fill in some blanks, and I take it that you know him pretty well?" The tall brunette nodded.

"I've known him for a long time." Lina's gaze hardened.

"Tell me everything."

***

Lina sat, transfixed, as Milly recounted the tale of her days at Bernardelli following the infamous Humanoid Typhoon. She started at the very beginning, the first encounter with the donut-crazed maniac who somehow managed to save the day against the man with the mohawk and the blonde bounty hunter. She recounted tracking him from town to town, Meryl's eventual realization of his identity, the malfunctioning plant, the sand steamer� When she got as far as the group's first encounter with Wolfwood, Lina began to notice a change come over her. Milly was no longer just recounting those days, she was reliving them. Even Nicky seemed totally absorbed in these stories, although Lina had no doubt that he had heard them countless times before. She recounted the good days, the bad days, and the worst days, which invariably involved death and destruction. Lina realized that Milly had always known about her connection with Vash, but never spoke of it for fear of admitting her own.

When she was done detailing events up until Vash left to fight his brother, she began to explain all she knew about Vash's past. She had been told many things by Vash, or by Meryl who had been told things by Vash, and she explained all she knew - Plants, lost technology, Project SEEDS. By the time she finally finished, at least 3 hours had passed.

Lina had lost herself in the stories, and felt almost honoured to be a part of it. This was the man who saved the world, and I saved him.

"Well, that's all I know," said Milly finally. "Does that help at all?"

"Lots." Lina smiled. "He's a remarkable man, if you think about it." Mille smiled as if to agree.

Milly watched Lina, who was smiling as if nothing of note had happened that day. Her grandmother's funeral had just ended a few hours ago; her grandmother was her only true family to speak of. Milly wondered where she found the strength not to cry. She thought back to the only time she remembered losing someone that close - the day that Nicholas died. (She always thought of him as Nicholas these days, even though she had never called him that during his life.) That was the only part that she had left out of her stories. She couldn't bear to relive that pain. And yet, she remembered telling herself at that time it would be all right, that she could continue to live. She had convinced herself that was what he would have wanted. She smiled, even through the tears. And she realized, with slight surprise, that Lina reminded her of herself.

"Well, I'd better be getting back home," said Lina quietly, "Thanks a lot for telling me about Vash." She started towards the door.

"Lina?"

"Yes?" She turned slightly.

"I don't think Vash wants to live in the shadow of his past anymore. I know you probably wanted to know out of curiosity and, well, I think you had a right to know� but please, don't bring it up too much. Vash became Ericks for a reason." Lina nodded slowly.

"I understand," said Lina. Milly looked concerned.

"Why did you want to know, anyhow?" Lina turned to face her, searching for the right words.

"I'm worried about him, Miss Milly. He's just been so different over the past few days, and I don't think it's just Grandma's death that did that to him. He was hiding something, but with a past like that, I think I can understand now." Her gaze drifted towards the ground. "Was it wrong to be worried?" Milly shook her head.

"Take care of him. He needs you. If his life is ruined, it's my fault anyhow. I shouldn't have been here. Like I told you, he wants to escape his past, and I'm part of it."

"But you're a good part of his past, Miss Milly. And there's a lot to be said for good memories."