"Slimmin' Down With Steve" skit Starring:
Steve Curell, Mary Ann Papo
Opening: sketch begins in the studio with Jon Stewart
Jon: And now, on to a more serious issue. For those of you who read the tabloids, you know that our correspondent Steve Carell has waged a very public battle with his weight. We've been lucky enough that he's allowed us a window into that process. Daily Show correspondent, Steve Carell. Steve.
Steve: Jon, the last time on Slimmin' Down with Steve I had a personal trainer. But as we all know, exercise alone just won't cut it. Today we are going to focus on nutrition and visit a top New Your nutritionist. My name is Steve.
(Slimmin' Down With Steve theme song plays then the scene changes to Steve in a doctor's office having his weight measured)
Steve: Before a nutritionist like Mary Ann Pappo can give advice, she must learn the habits of her paitents.
Mary: Just tell me if you have eaten any of the following in the past week: cheese?
Steve: Yes.
Mary: Fried chicken?
Steve: Yes.
Mary: Other fried foods?
Steve: Yes.
Mary: Salami?
Steve: Yes.
Mary: Bacon?
Steve: Yes.
Mary:Sausage?
Steve: Yes.
Mary Sweet roll? As in a danish, honey buns�
Steve: Yes.
Mary: Ah, what type of milk do you drink?
Steve: Buttermilk.
Mary: What type of oil do you use?
Steve: W-D40 (grin)
Mary: (doesn't respond)
Steve: Peanut oil.
Mary: When you have chicken, is it with the skin or without the skin?
Steve: Just the skin. What am I doing wrong?
Steve(narrating): It didn't take Mary long to observe that I needed more vegetables in my diet. So she offered to make me a healthy meal.
(they're in a grocery store)
Mary: (pulls out some green onions) Look how nice and green these are.
Steve (narrating): Mmm-mm! Green things! The supermarket was going to be a lot of fun! (Steve sneeks over to a cheese sampler and grabs a wedge of cheese, then juggles fruit around while Mary isn't looking, and plays bowling with cereal boxes and a turkey)
(He approaches Mary with a wad of meat in his hands and speaks to Mary) This is beef tongue. If you ate this, technically wouldn't your food be tasting you? (Mary walks off trying not to laugh)
(Narrating) We did have fun, but it was time to go to the kitchen to fix some pasta primavera! Which translates to: No meat for Steve. (To Mary) What makes pasta primavera so nutritious?
Mary: Because it's using all fresh vegetables.
(Steve sniffs a leaf of parsley and throws it onto the plate) BAM!
(They're at the table and about to eat)
Steve (Narrating): Finally we get to indulge.
Mary: Let's dig in!
Steve: Wait�we forgot to say grace. (begins to sing) All good gifts around us are sent from heaven above. We thank the Lord, or thank the Lord above. I really wanna thank you Lord, I wanna thank you Lord, oh thank you Lord ABOVE!!!! (eats) It's alright�
(Back in the studio with Jon Stewart)
Jon: Well there you have it ladies and gentlemen. Thank you Steve for taking us along with you on this journey. Now how is the new diet going for you?
Steve: It's been difficult Jon, because I've had to find ways to incorperate vegetables into my nutritional r�gime.
Jon: Uh I think you mean regimen.
Steve: Jon, you do what you need to do to loose weight, I'll do what I need to do. (reaches down and pulls up a can of Crisco) Now take a look at this. You'll notice it says �All Vegetable�. A couple scoops of this, I get all the vegetables I need!
Jon: Actually I think it's� it's shortening� vegetable shortening�
Steve: (raises hand to signal Jon to stop) No, no, it serves up just like ice cream! (eats a scoop of Crisco)
Jon: So uh�
Steve: It's really not that bad!
Jon: Yeah vegetables can be fun. So, how much weight have you lost?
Steve: (laughing) Well Jon, it's funny you should ask that� that's why I'm laughing. I haven't lost any weight, but I AM eating better.
End
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