You know Christmas is far off when you hear "there are only 360 shopping days until Christmas, and we've got low prices-almost one-fourth of our products are 5 percent off!"
I kind of doubt you'll be hearing that-unless the store really needs a gimmick to get sales to go up.
With Christmas over, I thought it might be appropriate to share this poem. I wrote it when I was in third grade. It's called "The Monster after Christmas."
Don't ask why.
* * *
'Twas the night after Christmas, and in the city
All the monsters were stirring, and it wouldn't be pretty.
Our stockings weren't hung by the chimney with care
Glad That St. Nicholas had already been there.
The kids were all nestled, all snug in their beds
While visions of sugar plums disappeared from their heads.
And Ma in her kerchief, and I in my cap
Had just settled down for another winter's nap.
When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash
Tore open the shutters, and broke out the sash.
When what to my sleepy eyes should appear
But a humongous sleigh, and eight monstrous reindeer.
With a slimy green driver so lively and quick
I knew in a moment, it was Mr. Tick.
And then in a second, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each monstrous hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around
Down the chimney Mr. Tick came with a bound.
He was dressed all in slime from his head to his toe
And the beard on his chin had an ugly, green glow.
His eyes, how they narrowed, his dimples, how mean
His cheeks were like roaches-oh, how unclean!
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work-
He emptied the money sack, the big, ugly, jerk.
And laying a finger aside of his snout
He gave me a nod-up the chimney, and out!
I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight
"I hope that I gave you a really big fright!"
* * *
Just remember that I was in third grade, so it wasn't one of my best compositions.
My editor suggested this would be a good time to write about New Years' resolutions. Well, I'm not totally surprised he said that, because New Year's only comes once a year, and this happens to be the column closest to New Year's, so I guess that would be why he said that.
Here's a list of my New Year's resolutions:
-Get rid of these five zits on my face.
-No chocolate.
-Revised resolution: no chocolate with nuts.
-Revised again resolution: no chocolate with nuts from Russia.
-Revised for the third time resolution: eat chocolate.
-Finally an unrevised resolution: learn how to use my scanner.
-Get a couple new fish for my aquarium.
- Make sure I get my columns written on time so the editor who suggested me to write about resolutions doesn't have to call me at nine o'clock Monday or Wednesday night.
Well, that wraps up this column (no pun intended), so I'll make sure I do what I always do:
Don't ask why.
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