SEXIST - WOMEN

 

Yesterday scientists in Canada revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

 

 

Why do women have small feet? - So they can get closer to the sink!

 

 

 

How do you get 100 old cows into a shed? - Put a 'Bingo' sign out the front.!!

 

 

 

A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, big car, the love of a beautiful woman ... then ... pow! ... it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked the friend.
"Ahhhh ... my wife found out ..."

 

 

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? - None, they just sit in the dark and moan!

 

 

How to Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing robe and towel on head. If you happen to see boyfriend/husband along the way, ignore juvenile "turban-head" jokes and run to bathroom.

3. Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out stomach so as to complain about how fat you're getting.

4. Turn on hot water only.

5. Get in the shower -- once you've found it through all the steam.

6. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

7. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lemon shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

8. Rinse hair.

9. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lemon conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

10. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red and raw.

11. Try to wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Java Cake bodywash.

12. Complain bitterly when you realize that your boyfriend/husband has once again been EATING your Ginger Nut and Java Cake body wash.

13. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that all the conditioner has come off).

14. Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can't be bothered.

15. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of cold water.

16. Turn hot water on full and rinse off.

17. Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.

 

If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose...
Would you go to lunch or to a movie?

How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, let the bitch do the dishes in the dark.

Why did the woman cross the road?
Never mind that why was she out of the house?

 

 A woman walks into a cocktail bar, approaches the barman and says : " Can I have a double-entendre please?"
So he gives her one.........

Why did God create woman?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

 If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
The swallow.

What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is riding her.

 

Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

 

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.

 
 How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

How is a woman like a condom?
Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your penis.

Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

How did the medical community come up with the term "PMS"?
"Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

What are three words you dread the most while making love?
"Honey, I'm home."

How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
The cake jumps out of the girl.