Blonde Jokes

 

1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

A: Gifted!

2. Q: How do blonde braincells die?

A: Alone.

3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

4. Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?

A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?

A: Artificial intelligence.

A2: By doing the splits.

6. Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?

A: She missed the Earth!

7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?

A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?

A: Nothing. They've never met.

9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?

A: After a dye job.

11. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?

A1: She'd just dyed her hair.

A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around

too much.

12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?

A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?

A: You can park in the handicap zone.

14. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?

A: An IN-body experience!

15. A: Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school?

She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the

Hymenlick Manuever.

16. Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?

A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

17. Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?

A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

18. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?

A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

19. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?

A: Shine a torch in her ears.

20. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?

21. Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?

A: There's white-out on the screen.

Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?

A: There's writing on the white-out.

22. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?

A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

23. Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?

A: Far-from-thinkin

24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?

A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?

A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

26. Q: How do you kill a blonde?

A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?

A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

28. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?

A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those

little packages.

29. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?

A: She liked kids...

30. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?

A: Because they can't g31. Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?

Blonde: I don't know. Why?

Teller: It was easier to spell.

Blonde: Easier than what?

32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?

A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

33. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?

A: To put their feet through.

34. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?

A: One.

35. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?

A: Because red means stop.

36. Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?

A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the

blow dryer!

37 Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?

A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.

38. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her

lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?

"Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"

39. Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers liscence ?

A: She wasn't used to the front seat!

40. Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?

A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

et their head in the jar.

41. Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?

A: The vegetable garden.

42. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?

A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

43. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?

A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

44. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?

A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.

45. Q: What's a brunette's mating call?

A: Has that blonde gone yet?

A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!?

A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"

46: Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?

A: Because they can spell it.

47. Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in

effect in Canada)

A: Because they can spell it.

48. Q: What is 74 to a blonde?

A: 69 plus G.S.T.

49. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?

A: Toes Go In First.

50. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?

 

A: It takes too long to retrain them.