Somebody once said that you don't know what you've got till it's gone. Well, I really didn't know how much fun writting for the Standard Examiner was until my contract was over. Now, in an effort to keep my writing skills up to the professional level they were at before (stop laughing), I have decided to start writting again. The following includes little bits of ranting and raving I wrote down during the fall and winter of 2003. None of these article will ever be published unless some newspaper editor or publishing company CEO just happens to read this... yeah, right.
Apparently, I was way off. You see, even though I'm old enough to by lighters and dry ice, I'm still getting asked that fateful question..."what do you want to be when you grow up?" That's a really dumb question when you look at it for a while. I once considered saying something like "I want to be a banana when I grow up," but my better judgment told me not to.
I hate this question because it gets to the point that I am still without a major. That's right, I'm undeclared.
And I do have to admit it; the worst part of the question is that I really have no idea of what I want to do for a living. Think about all the professions out in the world. I could be a teacher, or a preacher, I could be a liar... er...I mean, lawyer. There's a world of endless possibilities just waiting for me to crack into it.
But I just don't know what profession suits me best...
Maybe, I'm just looking at it wrong. Instead of thinking what I should "be" when I grow up, maybe I should think of what I "shouldn't" be, than whatever's left is what I should do.
Okay! First, I don't want a cubicle. I have nightmares that I end up as Dilbert when I get older. Secondly, I don't want to have to call people. Anyone in my family will tell you I have difficulty using a phone when there isn't an immediate family member on the other end. I have extreme difficulty using the phone when there's a girl on the other end... but that's another story.
Third, I need to create something. I need to be able to do something where I can look back and say... "Wow! I can't believe I made that! That's awesome!" I have that sort of situation now when it comes to my cartoons. I get done with those and I look at then and say, "Wow, I can't believe I made that! That's horrible!" No, I'm kidding. I like my cartoons. I guess that my job doesn't have to be a job where I create something, but it would be an added bonus.
Finally, it can't be work. There's a difference between going to work and going to my work. A job doesn't have to be work. It is only work when you feel like you worked for your money. I've been lucky enough to have never done a day of work in my life. I go to my job, and I do what I do, and then I get paid. I earned my money, but I didn't work for it.
So, with those guidelines I'm sure I can find something to do for a living. I guess I don't have to be too hasty about though. For now, I think I'll just look around for something to major in...You can major in doughnut studies right?
Don Eisenbarth is a sophomore at the University of Utah. If you have any ideas of what he can be when he grows up, he's looking for suggestions at [email protected]. Operators are standing by.
On Monday, it was almost 80 degrees outside. Today is Thursday, and it�s snowing. Welcome to Utah.
I have come to stop worrying about the weather. I understand have we can not have any precipitation for a couple of months, and then all of a sudden you get 12 feet of snow. This doesn�t faze me anymore. Not that we got 12 feet of snow today, or anything like that, it�s just that, well, it�s odd. It was odd to get an 80 degree day on a Monday and then have snow on Thursday. It�s kind of like that scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail �Spring turned into Summer� Summer turned into in Winter� Winter gave Spring and Summer a miss and went directly into Fall.� Yeah, that�s how weather is here in Utah. You just can�t predict it. But, like I said before, it doesn�t surprise me.
Want to know what does surprise me? The Jazz won a game. That�s quite incredible, or at least I thought so. It�s fun though, to see something you�ve grown up with change so dramatically. I�ve never known a Jazz team without Stockton and Malone. It�s quite different, but fun.
Their first game (a victory verses the Portland Trailblazers) was fun to watch, too. It sounded like this.
Hot Rod:
(Insert Foreign Name Here) passes to (Insert Another Foreign Name Here) who shoots� and misses. Rebounded by the Trailblazers. The Trailblazers take the ball down the court, OHH, stolen by (Insert Foreign Name Here). He takes the ball; it�s a two on one fast break. (Insert Foreign Name Here) passes to (Insert Another Foreign Name Here)� HAMMERDUNK!
Yeah, in fact repeat that 100 times and you�ve got the entire Jazz game. What�s with all the foreign players in Basketball now-a-days. Since when did Basketball become Hockey? I mean, there are players who are called (please forgive the bad spelling I will not take the time to look up these names) Andrei Kiralinko and Dirk Nirvinski and Shareef Abdul-Raheem and Emanuel Ginoballi and Yao Ming and Shaq. Whatever happened to good, old fashion, American names like Wilt Chamberlain or Michel Jordan or Kareem Abdul-Jabaar?
But maybe the subject of foreigners in American sports should be left to another day. For now, I think I better go outside and see if I can scrape all the ice of my car� I love Utah.
Don Eisenbarth is a sophomore at the University of Utah. If you can help him learn how to spell names like "Hakeem Oleyejewon" correctly, he can be reached at [email protected]. Operators are standing by.
The bottoms of my pants are wet. My carrying case is wet. (My backpack was stolen) My coat is wet. Needless to say, it's been a rather wet couple of day. Ever since snows showers started last Thursday, things have been wet, and slippery, and cold.
Not that I'm complaining or anything. I mean, Utah really needs the water and this is some wet snow (see above paragraph). It�s not actually the snow that bothers me. It�s more the things that come with the snow.
Like the traffic! It took me two hours to get 28 miles from Layton to Salt Lake. I don�t know why when the first snow storm comes people forget how to drive in the snow. You do need to slow down on slippery roads, but you don�t have to go 25 mph on the freeway! Maybe it�s just all the people who moved to Utah from California and see snow for the first time who are driving at 25 mph on the freeway.
Another bothersome aspect of this early winter storms is the fact the most trees still have leaves on them. So, now that they have all their leaves and another 5 feet of snow on them too, branches are falling off of trees like large, loud, green snowflakes.
Walking around a branch laden campus hasn�t been that fun either. Many people have brought umbrellas with them. While that is a smart thing to do I simply ask people to watch where they were going. If they are more cautious then a certain 6�3� guy would not be poked in the eye by their umbrella.
In all actuality, the snow is quite nice. There�s nothing more serene then standing in a big open area, all bundled up in your coat, watching the big light snowflakes quietly, slowly, softly dust the ground. Continue to stand there and the whole world gets covered in a cleansing white.
It�s definitely something worth getting wet for.
Don Eisenbarth is a sophomore at the University of Utah and is currently recovering from being poked in the eye with an umbrella. If you would like to donate money to help him buy glasses, he can be reached at [email protected]. Operators are standing by.
It�s almost the end of the semester. What started out as a lovely dream has grown into a full blow nightmare.
The semester�s end only means one thing for college students�finals week. The word �finals� really scares the crud out of most college students. I still have yet to find out why? Maybe it�s the fact that the word �finals� starts with the same letter that students don�t want their grade to be. Maybe it�s not the word itself but more what finals week really is� a whole lotta tests!
Your final exam is basically like a test on the whole subject from top to bottom. Final exams usually account for about 0 to 100% of your final grade, depending on the class. Almost all classes have a final exam; even my Rock and Roll History course will have a final exam. (Question 1: Explain why the Beatles are the best group ever, and totally kick the Rolling Stones trash
The very nature of test causes anxiety. You have to reach deep into your mind and pull out the most vital points about your subject. (Question 2: What drug was responsible for �Acid Rock�?) What makes final exams so rough is the fact that they are not only test, but are test that account for about half of your grade. Obviously, you need to know what you�re doing. However, very few college students don�t know what they�re doing, and so that is why final exams cause so much more anxiety then your average test. (Essay Question: Write a 2-page essay on why Rap can not be considered music)
Like most guys out their, I would like that wait for a while before I get my first gray hair. In an effort to cut down stress I have decided to try and find a way to test taking simple. I came up with my own test taking philosophy a couple of years ago, only to find that the Chinese figured it out thousands of years ago. So now for your enjoyment and help I would like to introduce you to the 5 points of the Taoism of Test Taking.
Allow the Test Tao to flow within you.
Think about the now.
Learn the Zen of BS.
Your best is all that can be asked
Hakuna Mahtata
Let�s take these 5 points one at a time.
1. Allow the Test Tao to flow within you. There is nothing certain when you take a test. You could flip the page over and find the only question is �Make the Professor a cake.� (This really isn�t a question at all, when you look at it.) The only certain thing about taking the test is that you are going to take the test. The key about point one is to not stress out. All stressing out will do is cause the amazing phenomenon known as the brain fart (yet another �F� word). A brain fart happens when one puts too much pressure (hehe) on the brain to function. Brain farts can last for seconds (as when you forget a person�s name because you are trying to hard to remember it) or for extended periods of time. You sit down for the test flip over the page and instantly remember nothing, then when you turn in the test you remember everything, but it is too late. You�ve had an extended brain fart, and it stinks!
So, remember to calm down before the test starts. Don�t tense up just relax and know you�ll do fine. I prefer to sing a happy song before a test to loosen my up. Such songs as �Flying Purple People Eater� or the Beatles classic �Yellow Submarine� (see question 1) always work great. Never forget the universal classic �I�m a little teapot� which I once did (actions and all) before a test in Chemistry.
2. Think of the now. A big point in Taoism is the concentrate on the moment and not to live in the past or the future. You need to take the test one question at a time and concentrate on that question, until it is answered. Don�t worry about answering the essay questions until the multiple choice section is done. However, once you get to the essay questions it is time to...
3. Learn the Zen of BS, because let�s face it you don�t remember a thing from that class. You were too busy checking out the girl/guy in the 5th row, weren�t you? Be honest! That�s what I thought. So, you need to make something up and fast. That�s where the Zen of BS comes in. If you don�t know what BS means than you must go to BYU or something, but for sake of time I�ll just state that BS is making something up.
Now, the Zen of BS involves the fact that you can get about 70% on the essay questions if you simply restate the question in the form of an answer. You must also remember to be quite long winded and you must include the following words, because they make you sound like you know what you�re talking about:
However, nevertheless, nonetheless, forthwith, conversely, continuity, continuously, by the by, without, exclusively, respectively, etc.
Forthwith, the word etc. (or etcetera as Yule �Log� Brenner like to call it), is a continuously important word to use because it can state that you have many examples when really you only have a few. Nonetheless, an example of the Zen of BS will be found in next week�s article (Heck, it will be next week�s article).
4. Your best is all that can be asked. Studying is important, so is taking a shower. Don�t try to do both things at the same time. You need to study just a little bit each day�wait, who am I kidding! Cramming is a fine art in itself. Nevertheless, cram sessions can be done wrong. Forthwith, you shouldn�t keep yourself awake all night cramming, you�ll get tired. Conversely, the correct way to combat sleepiness is to sleep in the morning before and perform no tiring labor that day, respectively. That way you�ll be able to stay up all night long studying and you still won�t be tired for the test.
5. Hakuna Matata. Sometimes things happen and you can�t do anything about it. Sometimes you might fail a test. You need to put your behind in the past�I mean, the past behind you. Hold your head up high and realize that you need to try harder next time. Discouragement is the number one cause of doubt. Realize that, in the words of that one guy from that one show, �You can do it!� Continue on the road of life, and you�ll exclusively be fine in the future!
That is the Tao of test taking. I hope it will help you during your tests. As for me, I think I�ll go get lunch. I was thinking about Hamburgers, etc.
Don Eisenbarth is a sophomore at the University of Utah. He is currently eating lunch. If you any ideas on some cheap hamburger joints, or if you have an idea for him to BS about, or if you would like some "tutoring" (only the ladies apply), or if you need some tech support, he can be reached at [email protected]. Operators are standing around.
I know I promised you an example of BS today, but I was just giving you some BS. I thought, this week I�d talk about something this is really important. Rivalry week!
Yes, the week in which the Cougars and the Utes go head to head in the �Battle for the Beehive Boot.� It�s the week in which everyone comes out in a show of sportsmanship and good will. It�s the week everyone remembers that the point of the mountain is not just a rock, but also is a dividing line between good and evil (you can take your pick on which side is which).
My favorite part of rivalry week has absolutely nothing to do with game itself. I love the hype! I love the attitudes of the fans! I love the jokes!
I love the hype and the jokes because, well, let�s face it, jokes are funny. So, I am now going to give you the top jokes from both sides:
What�s the difference between Provo and yogurt?
At least yogurt has an active culture.
Why don't they drink Kool Aid at the U of U?
No one knows how to put a quart of water into one of those small packages.
(WARNING: Any women who go to BYU or the University of Utah and have REALLY low self-esteem should skip past this section. I don�t ever want to hear that I made a woman cry!)
What's the difference between Bigfoot and a co-ed from BYU?
One is a big, hairy, ugly, creature and the other has got big feet.
Why does the University of Utah football stadium use artificial turf?
So the cheerleaders don't graze during the games.
(Women can start reading again)
What do BYU applicants get on their ACT's?
Drool.
What one phrase can describe a U or U graduate�s professional career?
Would you like fries with that?
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "241."
"That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the lady answers, "144."
"That is great!" says Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"
Albert then goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the guy answers, "51." Albert ponders this for a moment, and then says, "Go Utes!"
Or my personal favorites:
What's the only sign of intelligent life at BYU?
University of Utah 48 miles. (That�s like a double slam!)
Robbie Bosco (BYU Offensive Coordinator), Gary Crowton (BYU Head Coach), Urban Meyer (U of U head coach) and Kyle Wittingham (U of U defensive coordinator) are all on a plane ride to the Mountain West Conference Headquarters when their plane gets struck by lightning. The plane is going down and there are only 3 parachutes for the 4 of them.
Robbie Bosco goes over to the parachutes and says �I won a national championship for BYU; the people of Provo need me.� He takes a parachute and jumps.
Gary Crowton goes over to the parachutes and says �I�m the smartest coach in the NCAA; the people of Provo need me.� He takes a parachute and jumps.
Kyle Wittingham looks over and says �You�re the head coach, Urban, you take my chute.� Urban pats Kyle on the back and says �Thanks for the offer. But the smartest coach in the NCAA just took my backpack. We can both jump.�
And lastly, a joke that gets to the true meaning of rivalry:
A U of U student, a BYU student and a Utah State student are all working at a historic museum, they find a lamp in a back room and rub it. A genie appears and tells them he grant them one wish.
The Utah State student says: �I really love Cache Valley, I wish to leave Logan exactly how it is.� The wish is granted, and Logan never changes.
The BYU student says: �I really love Provo, I wish that a giant dome be put over Provo, it will be impermeable and nothing will come in or out of it, except by a hole in the top where we�ll get our food. That way none of the bad influences of the world will go into Provo.� The wish is granted, and a giant, unbreakable dome in built over all of Provo.
The U student grabs the lamp and simply says: �Fill the dome with water�
Don Eisenbarth is a sophomore at the University of Utah, but is still an avid fan of the BYU Cougars. He is awaiting the score of tomorrow's game and would like to know if there's anyone out there that will go for a $10 bet that BYU will NOT be shut out tomorrow. (I'm glad nobody took that bet) If you would like to take that bet, or offer another, he can be reached at [email protected]. Operators are standing around.
No one should ever have to experience what I did today.
I have very few people I can call good friends, there are very few people who I feel actually know me. Now, there are even fewer. My best friend from Junior High died last week. He committed suicide.
I've been a wreck ever since. It was a long time since I'd seen him since. We ended up going to different high schools, but that didn't change much. We still talked, and still were there for each other. I always knew that if I had a problem that I could always get online and instant message him.
He was the funniest guy, too. I started to seriously write because of him. We had English together in the 7th grade. He wrote the best essay on bananas I'd ever heard. We both went for the TX job; he was so distraught that I got it. He should have got it. He was easily funnier than me...but, I understand why he didn't get hired by TX. His humor was a little...ahem...off color. It's still some of the funniest stuff I've ever heard to this day.
He's the inspiration for this web-site too. He used to have a site called "MudWind" which housed some of his favorite writing. It's been down for a long time now, but when I looked at it I thought "Man, I want one of those too." So, I made my own web-site. It's just amazing... I've never really thought about how much of an influence he was on my life.
We didn't really "hang out" all that much. Both of us were poor as teenagers, so we went to the movies of anything. We were both big fans of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Red Dwarf (Talk about your off-color humor) and we both had that amazing talent that we could memorize lines instantly, so we felt as if we had watched them together.
We went to 8th grade Lagoon Science Day together. Actually, it seemed like everyone in the school went to that, but him and I took off to ride some rides. I've always found that amusement parks are better experienced in small groups, like 2 to 4 people at most. He's a big fan of the White Roller Coaster at Lagoon, so we went on that about 8 or 9 times. While in line he turned to me and said "You know how everyone puts their hands up and screams while going down the hills?"
"Yeah, what about it?"
"How about we throw our hands up and scream on our way up?"
"Won't people think we're weird?"
"Don, come here, let me tell you something...That's the point"
"Oh. Okay, let's do that."
I've gone to 7 difference amusement parks in the last 3 years. At every single one, I have thrown my hands up and screamed while going up the hill on the rollercoaster. It's something I think I'll do forever.
But, like I said, we had grown a bit apart over the last few years. I found it rough that I didn't find out that he was dead until 5 days after it happened. Our conversations had been limited to e-mails in the last couple of months, and well, he couldn't really e-mail me about this...
I went to his funeral today. No one should ever have to see a friend dead, especially when he hasn't even had a chance to live. He was 18. He was 18! When should 9 be middle aged? There's something really different about someone dying young. There's something wrong about someone dying young...There's also the whole "What If?" factor. What if he had the chance to grow up? What could he have accomplished? Who could have gotten to known him, and been better for it?
The questions go unanswered for now, but only for now. I don't know what he was thinking when this happened. I don't know what kind of darkness he was in. But I forgive him. I forgive him for his decision to leave this world. Everyone had their agency to do with their life as they please. I forgive him for the heartache he caused me. I hope he forgives me for the anger I held. I hope he forgives me for the time I could have said hello, but didn't.
Countless questions come to a persons mind when someone you know dies this way. I have many myself. But, I've stopped asking if I could have done something. Because the truth is, it really doesn't matter now. A friend is gone, I must go on.
It's so hard to say good-bye. I must do it, though. I have to realize that death happens, but it's not the end...it can't be! I know it can't, and that knowledge brings to me a feeling of peace, a feeling of hope, and the joy of knowing that someday, he and I will laugh again. Someday, we'll throw our hands up on the way up.
I've never really understood the celebration of New Years.
I mean, what are we actually celebrating on these two days that make up one holiday? Christmas, and Easter are both celebrations of great moments in Christian history. Thanksgiving is to remind us of how lucky we truly are to be so blessed with all we have. Halloween is the boost up candy sales. What is the purpose of New Years?
When I was younger I always thought that New Years was created by kids to allow one day where they could finally stay up as long as they want and scream for a couple of minutes after the ball drops. Later, I thought that it was created to by a boy and a girl who really liked each other, but couldn't tell their family, so they created New Years to make an excuse to kiss each other. One year I was convinced that it was created just for another excuse for people to get drunk.
But that can't be it! Maybe it was created by Dick Clark, back in the Stone Age when he was a little boy, as a reason to come out of suspended animation for a day.
Anyway, back to the question. What is the purpose of New Year's Eve and Day. All we do is change one number, so what's all the hooplah about?
Maybe...maybe it's about change. About new beginnings and a new chance to get things right.
For me, 2003 was the year of the "Woulda-Shoulda-Coulda." I have so many regrets about things I did wrong. I mean, I really dropped the ball and many occasions and missed so many oppertunities to get to know and love people. I think we all have mistakes that we would rather forget. New Year's provides a time to celebrate the things we have learned in the last year, and a chance to forget the mistakes that brought about that learning.
A more optimistic view may be that New Years is a chance to celebrate a year well-lived...nah...moving on...that's the spirit of New Years. New Years is a time to move past the moment and move on to whatever comes up over the horizion.
It's time to see the world...it's time to go forth! Come and get me 2004! I'm ready for you!
Don Eisenbarth is preparing to serve in the Des Moines Iowa Mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. If you would like to know more about why he has accepted this call, or are curious about the church, Don can be reached at [email protected].
Valentines Day was a holiday created by the candy companies and by floral arrangers so they could earn some extra bucks in February. It�s big symbols are cards, hearts, candy, candy hearts, red roses, white roses, paper roses and naked babies that shoot arrows at people�Obviously the candy companies were on something when they created Valentines day.
Actually, the problem I have is not with the symbols of Valentines Day. The beef I have is more with what Valentines Day stands for: love.
That�s not right, I have no beef with love either. I think that love is great. Love makes the world go round. If it weren�t for love� well, then there would be no romantic comedies, and if there were no romantic comedies then Julia Roberts would be penniless standing on a corner in Cleveland or some other town nobody cares about.
I believe in love. I believe that love exists in all sorts of forms. I believe that many different emotions can be confused for love, but there is really only one emotions that is true romantic love. I have no idea which emotion that is. I have, however, found out that the following emotions are not love: infatuation, admiration, liking, fascination, wonder, respect, fondness, etc. I believe that it takes a lifetime to figure out what love really is, as such, I have some time to figure it out for myself.
To quote a famous singer, love is a many splendor thing. I can�t have a gripe with anything that has many splendors. So my problem�s not really with Valentines Day, or with love, what�s my problem with?
Maybe, my problem is with girls. You see the reason I don�t like Valentines Day is because of the lack of a Valentine. There�s no one actively engaged in waiting 2 years for me to come home...so to speak. All I have are my formless dreams, but dreams aren�t real. So, Valentines Day is a day for me to reflect on my non-existent love life.
For my credit, I�m only 19. I�m not really supposed to have much of a love life by now. Still, I was hoping by now I�d have something to hang my hat on. I�ve had no secret admirers, no crushes directed towards me, no girlfriends, no passing glances, no second looks, no flirts, and barely enough dates to count on one hand.
Obviously, the girls of this world have made a mistake�
I can account for those last two, however. 1) I don�t even know how to flirt. 2) Guy�s ask girls out, so that�s actually my fault that I�ve had less dates then Urkel. It�s not the amount of dates I�ve had that�s my problem with Valentines Day, it�s more the fact that in all my life I�m never had anyone show true interest in me. I�ve never had anyone ever look at me �that way.� How am I ever going to find out what true love is until I experience it? What�s wrong with all the girls out there?
Perhaps I�m projecting the blame on innocent bystanders. Maybe my problem with Valentines Day is more my fault then I give credit. Maybe there�s something about me that is the problem.
I always think that my weight is a hindrance with the ladies, but I keep getting told that it�s not a weight problem. So, obviously, there�s something about me that is a total lady repellent. I don�t think it�s a personality issue. A friend of mine once said �confidence is the most attractive thing going,� but how do you have confidence if you have nothing to go off of? A fire always needs a spark to start it. I�ve got plenty of dry wood, but nobody wants to give me a match.
I definitely think that my problem is not that I have any sense of humor. I have humor coming out of the wazoo! I heard a poll that said 62% of women think a sense of humor is the most important thing for a man to have, and yet I have Rodney Dangerfield syndrome. I make people laugh, but I still get no respect. Maybe I look too much like Rodney.
Maybe I have horrible breath and no one wants to tell me. Believe me, telling your friend that they have stinky breath or that they have something green in their teeth may be a bit awkward, but it is so much better then them living in ignorance.
Well, whatever the reason, I�m spending my 19th consecutive Valentines Day alone. I wonder what the world record is for this...
Elder Don Carl Eisenbarth, son of Don and Sonja Eisenbarth of Layton, will serve in the Iowa Des Moines Mission. He will speak at the Vae View Ward, 1715 W. 1600 North, Layton, at 11 a.m.
Episode 10 - Testimony This talk was given Feb. 29, 2004 This is the talk as it was originally written. The actual address was a little different, but this is how I intended it. Also, I had just sang a musical number before giving this talk.
Wow, well, the hard part's over. Now all I have to do is give my talk!
I am thankful for the chance I have to talk to you today, and the chance to listen to the talks given before me. I�m grateful to be here today to hear these two talks about Testimonies.
I'm sort of a writer, and when I write I alway write fr somebody. I have my target audience and I write it for them, and if anyone else reads it, well, that's cool, but really it was for that person or people. My talk today is for my younger brother, and to the other young men in this ward.
Today we have talked about testimonies. Today I talk to the ward for the last time before I leave on my mission to Iowa. Today I talk to the younger brothers and sisters about the future.
The future is a scary place for all of us. The future is like a dimly lit cavern. For us young people, the cavern of the future seems too large to navigate, and many times we feel overwhelmed by the sheer size of the task in front of us. My greatest fears in life come from the uncertainties from the large cavern of the future. I have no idea what my life has in store for me, nor have I ever. However I always had a light to follow in this cavern, I always knew that I would serve a mission.
In my early days, I had made a decision that, when the time would come, I would decide to go on a mission. I made a decision to decide. That way, when the question of �Are you going to go on a mission?� would come up I would all ready have the answer. Today, I would like every young man to decide for himself now if they will go. I would like all young women to decide for themselves now, to give full-time mission service consideration, but I would like all the young men to decide their decision, right now. You must promise to yourselves, right now, what you will do when that decision comes, because it comes closer then you think.
Now, if you have decided to decide that when the time comes you will go on a mission for the Lord, then you need to understand that your decision to serve is not just words in your head, but also an action.
If you have decided to decide to go a mission then you must understand that now is the time to begin your mission preparation.
In Nov. 2002, the Church came out publicly with the standards that missionaries should have by the time that they go out into the field. It was given in a talk by M. Russell Ballard and called �Raising the Bar� of missionary work. However, nothing of raising the bar is new, it�s all what all young men should be doing, except very few of us were. What raising the bar says at it�s most basic point is that you need to have an active testimony of the gospel before you leave on your mission, not once you get out there.
This is not new! If you don�t believe me look at the first line of the Mission of the Aaronic Priesthood. �The Mission of the Aaronic Priesthood is to help each young man become converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ and live by it�s teachings.� You need to have a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ BEFORE you leave on your mission. You need to have a testimony of the divinity and mission of Jesus Christ BEFORE you leave on your mission. You need to have a testimony of the calling of the Prophet Joseph Smith BEFORE you leave on your mission. You need to have a testimony of the truth and divinity of the Book of Mormon BEFORE you leave on your mission. And you need to have a testimony in the truth of Jesus� Church, this church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints BEFORE you leave on your mission.
Sounds like a lot, huh? Well, it is. But it�s not impossible to gain an active, living testimony of the truth of this church and all doctrine there of, actually, it�s a one step process.
That one step is to read the Book of Mormon.
The Book of Mormon is the main tool for missionaries; it�s the teacher�s manual and the student�s guidebook. All young men, preparing to go on missions need to read it. All young women, preparing for whatever road they choose, need to read it. All parents need to read it. All children need to read it. All families need to read it together. It may be difficult; it�s a big book. But no time is as rewarding then the time spent reading of the scriptures.
A lot of people say that�s its tough to find the time to read the scriptures, but as Scotty said in Star Trek Generations, �If something�s important, you make the time.� We need to get out heads unglued from television and the computer and start reading more. There is very little, if anything, of value on prime time television anymore. It�s time to start making �prime time� a prime time for scripture study, and other activities of worth. It�s time for you to either start, restart, or continue a study of the Book of Mormon.
I remember my first time though the Book of Mormon; I read it almost as I would any other book. It�s a great read just as a book. It�s got really neat stories, and all sorts of heroes and prophets. As just a book, it�s a great read.
But I have to echo Neal A. Maxwell when he said, a person who prayerfully studies the Book of Mormon and takes Moroni�s challenge to ask of God if it is true will receive a testimony of it�s divinity.
I have prayerfully studied The Book of Mormon, I have asked for the knowledge of the truth of the Book of Mormon from God. I have prayed to know the truth. I can tell you honestly today that The Book of Mormon is a sacred record, written by the ancient inhabitants of the America�s. It is, in fact, the word of God to us today.
In The Book of Mormon are the mysteries and doctrine of God. The Book of Mormon provides real answers to life�s questions. Through prayerful study of the Book of Mormon, along with the other standard works, you can become closer to you Lord and closer to His love. If you have not read the Book then read it. If you have, then read it again. There�s so much to be found in this book, that it must be read again and again for the word of God to unfold itself to you.
The Book of Mormon is a fascinating book. You read and you wonder how a man in his 20�s with a third grade education could have written such a masterpiece, and the fact is he couldn�t of. Joseph Smith did not write the Book of Mormon, but I have a testimony that he translated it. He translated the Book of Mormon from golden plates received by him from an angel of God. He translated the Book of Mormon with the aid of divine revelation. He had the aid of divine revelation because he, in his youth, prayed to God, and received an answer. Joseph Smith, as a youth, prayed to God, and saw the living Jesus Christ, and his father who is our father.
The first vision is an event unparalleled in the histories of man. It�s unique. Joseph Smith saw Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father, and they said that he should join no church because they all had fallen away. Instead, to form the true church, the church that once had existed on the earth but had fallen away. A church with prophet�s, apostles, teachers, etc. A church with the priesthood authority to heal, bless, baptize, and to seal on Earth what will be sealed in heaven. This church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is that church. The true church set up by God in these last days.
I can honestly say I know all this. I know the Church is true, and I know that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God, and I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God. I know that I know that.
And I know these things because I prayerfully studied the Book of Mormon. I prayed about it and I felt of God�s sprit. I received the knowledge that the Book of Mormon is true, a prophet of God translated it, and the church that that prophet created is the true church. These three fit together, to believe in one is to believe in all. That�s why missionaries give out Book of Mormon�s by the load, because if you can develop a testimony of the Book of Mormon, then you will consequently develop a testimony of the Church and the prophet Joseph Smith.
While I have a testimony in this church, I also have a testimony of the joy of the gospel. And I want to spend some real time on this�okay� I know we�re kinda running a little short on time, and I appoligize but this I think is something that really gets overlooked, and it needs to be talked about.
In this day and age what many people are looking for in their life is contentment. People want to be content with what they have, and what they�ve accomplished, how safe they are, etc. People want contentment, they want comfort, and when I say comfort I mean the comfort of lying back in the lay-z-boy, you know.
They want some pleasure in their life. You walk around and see somebody you know, and you ask them �How you doin�� and they usually say something like �fine� or �good� or �okay� you know, they�re content. No one ever says something like �I�m Joyful� �I�m Jubilant� �I�m happy� not that many people feel just happy anymore, few people are actually like really happy that they�re alive. I mean, The word �joy� is almost gone from the basic vocabulary. People aren�t like �Man! I�m alive this is awesome!� You know, people are not really all that happiness, happiness has become this sort of fleeting goal that only certain people can have. But what people really want is happiness, not contentment, and in a search for happiness the people of the world look for pleasures of the Earth which are fleeting at best.
But there�s something that is in the gospel that makes the best of Earth�s pleasures seem insignificant. There really is joy in living the gospel. You really can live your life, and be incredibly happy because you�re living life. Pres. Hinkley once said: If we will cling to our values, if we will build on our inheritance, if we will walk in obedience before the Lord, if we will simply live the gospel we will be blessed in a magnificent and wonderful way. We will be looked upon as a peculiar people who have found the key to a peculiar happiness.�
Not many people will understand this, but it�s true. If we will simply live the gospel, we�ll will be blessed and find the key to a peculiar happiness, a different happiness then the rest of the world has. A sustaining happiness, a lasting happiness�we�ll be blessed with joy. I have found that joy in my life. The joy of living the gospel. I�m not living perfectly, far from it, but I started to really take the gospel seriously, and I�ve felt of a joy that comes from that. And now, MAN, it�s like you know, I can�t wait to get up, and I hate to go to bed, because life is a blast. It�s awesome.
I have a testimony that the gospel of Jesus Christ, and the doctrine of this church can bring comfort, and joy in your life.
First the gospel can bring comfort to your life. By comfort, I don�t mean the comfort of lying back in the lay-z-boy. I mean the kind of comfort that�s mean when Jesus declared: �Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.� I never really understood what this meant until last December, when a great friend, one of my best friends from Junior High committed suicide. It was a really rough time for me, but knowledge on the plan of salvation and on the mercies of God brought me comfort.
Have you ever been to a Mormon funeral? They�re extremely different. There�s a different feeling, a different atmosphere. The plan of salvation teaches us that death is a necessary probation, and it�s a short probation at that. What is a few years apart, compared with eternity together.
Next the gospel brings joy into your life. I think that a part of the whole mission prep thing that kind of gets underplayed is the facts that to leave on a mission you have to go to the temple. Going to the temple was incredible. I really loved my second time I went in the temple�the first was�yeah, but the second time. It�s incredible. I�ve never felt the spirit of God in such magnitude before. I really felt like God�s love for me was almost tangible. I really can�t go in much further than that, but my point is that, going and feeling what is to be felt there, and to know, I mean, life has suddenly become so much more� colorful, I guess, since going through the temple. I don�t really understand why people don�t go. I mean, I know life is busy and all, but again �if something�s important, you make the time.� In the temple I�ve felt the joy of having the spirit of God with you, and I love to go back to rejuvenate that incredible feeling. I�ve been able to keep going because we are fortunate enough in this area to have so many around, if one temple is closed pick another one and drive for another 20 minutes�boom you�re there.
But that�s just one of the joys that the gospel brings.
There�s the joy of family. I mean, the happiest times I�ve ever had are with my family. Some people consider us lucky, that we�ve all stuck together, and that there�s still love in the home. Some people may consider us lucky that my parents are still together after 30 years, celebrating another anniversary on the day I go to the MTC. Some people consider us lucky, but luck had nothing to do with it. This church is set up to instruct, and support. It supports the family as the basic unit.
And there still other types of joy found in the gospel, one other type of joy the gospel brings is best summed up in:
Doctrine and Covenants | Section 18:11 - 13
For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh; wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him.
And he hath risen again from the dead, that he might bring all men unto him, on conditions of repentance.
And how great is his joy in the soul that repenteth!
There is no greater joy than to know that you are still loved by your Heavenly Father, even after the wrongs you have committed. There is no greater joy then feel of the cleansing touch of the atonement, to feel of the cleansing power of repentance. It is truly the sweetest joy in all the Earth.
Jesus Christ came to Earth, and suffered that you might experience of this joy, that you might repent of your sins and be clean�
Finally I�d like to talk about one more type of joy found in:
Doctrine and Covenants | Section 18:10, 14 - 16
Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God;
Wherefore, you are called to cry repentance unto this people.
And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!
And now, if your joy will be great with one soul that you have brought unto me into the kingdom of my Father, how great will be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me!
I know that this gospel brings joy into people�s lives. That�s why I�m going on a mission, because people in the world need to know of the joy the gospel can bring. They need to know of the comfort, and the joy in righteous living, they need to know of the joy of family, and the joy of repentance. I�m going to Iowa, because for some strange reason the Lord needs to use me there to give people some joy. Maybe, if I labor hard enough I�ll feel of the joy of bringing many souls unto Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
But I know that this is the truth. The church is true. A true prophet of God, Gordon B. Hinkley, leads it. I know that this gospel�s keystone, the Book of Mormon, is true. And I know that God�s son, Jesus Christ, came to earth and died that we may know of the joy of repentance, the joy of becoming pure. I am thankful for that joy, and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
