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| had to be at this moment in time. I returned from my walk and asked Don who was on the phone, and he said my mom. I asked him with a shaky voice if everything was ok, he simply said, it was being dealt with. I figured Dan was ok for now, and tried to concentrate on just relaxing so Eli and my body could do what God had intended. A few hours later ,and still no change in the contractions, a phone call came through, around 10:30 AM. I answered it and it was my mom; I could hear a tremble in her voice and the suppressed desire to cry. In an instant, my dad was talking to me and he asked how I was doing? Ok, I said. Then those fateful words...." I have some bad news......Dan died"........I fell to my knees and the phone clattered soundlessly to our carpet. A choked cry escaped me and I yelled, screamed, then sobbed. No, it just could NOT be this way. Poor Kira started screaming when she saw her mommy falling apart; Pam ushered her out. Don ran to my side and hugged me close....tears streaming down his face. My world was instantly shattered. I could not move, could not think, could only cry out in utter mental pain. After an unknown amount of time, I became aware of my contractions again.... it seemed I had regressed. My parents came over to see me around 12:30 . My mom looked so very sad. We all hugged and cried. They did not stay long. Didn't want to interfere with my labor (as if it would have mattered) so they left at about 1pm. I was wrestling whether or not to send Pam off, as she was concerned of the "watched pot" syndrome with me, especially in my emotional turmoil. I asked her to stay and she did. I had her check me, and I was a very stretchy 4 cm dilated and paper thin on one side. I agreed to a homeopathic medicine Caulophyllum (sp?) which can enhance contractions and get them "going". Within 2 doses ,about 15 mintues later, contractions FINALLY started to change. I tried to use the birth pool again as I was in a lot of pain. (I had used it eariler, forgot to mention, to just help me relax..it worked!) But this time, could NOT get comfortable. So out I went. I could tolerate the pain only by standing and leaning on the sofa arm while doing pelvic "figure eights" . |
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| Don was napping and Pam awakened him, as I was in transition. He was awesome and helped me through the worst of it. The back pain was horrid. I had Pam check me again and I was dilated completely on one side but had about 1 cm left on the other. I had her break my water (something I wanted to avoid initially but after everything I had been through, I just wanted this baby out). After some really bad contractions, I wanted to push SOOOO bad but could not. Finally Pam said I could, and i tried a couple times but the lip kept coming back. So I had to stop, which was excruciating. I went to hands and knees in a HOT shower for about 15 minutes to try and melt that last bit of cervix away. |
| My body started to push Eli out on it's own, I could NOT stop it, so Pam had me get out. I had only a bit of a lip on one side, so I tried pushing again. While I did make progress ,it was slow and I went into many different positions to try and push him out. Nothing worked. Finally Pam suggested I try on my back (something I did NOT want to do, but agreed) as she felt he was somehow "hung up". I spent 20 minutes in that position, all the while begging God to help me out. Around 6:30 or after, I ran out of gas. I was spent emotionally and physically, and i could only make weak pushing attempts. After a final prayer, I felt this awesome power within me and with 2 or 3 more |
| contractions, he was out!!! Maybe it was me digging down WAYYY deep into power I did not know I had, but I think it was God...He took me those last few steps when I could not do it anymore. When he was placed on my belly ,I cried . Tears of joy, tears of relief, tears of heartache... for all we endured, and tears of pain as I thought of my brother. Kira was astounded by it all. She watched the entire birth of Eli. Jen, my neighbor had taken her to the mall earlier with her 2/12 year old, Courtney. The first words Kira said, was "He is all yucky mommy" :) Kira was a trooper and she did not once ,cry or act scared. All the pictures of babies actually being born helped I think. |
| Daddy was of course happy Eli finally made it and everyone was ok. I ended up with a third degree tear right along my old episiotomy scar...grrrr. But it was superficial and minor compared to the tear I ended up with when I had Kira as an extension of the epis. Pam and her assistant sutured it without a problem. Thank goodness as I don't think I could have handled a hospital transport! Pam told me Eli was acyclitic and slightly posterior, and that is what caused me to dilate/efface unevenly and gave me such a hard time. He had a BIG head also !!! To your right is my dear neighbor and blessed friend, Jen, holding Kira, and my equally blessed and dear husband, Don, holding Elijah. |
| Elijah Daniel Saxton was born at 6:41 pm, after 18 total hours of labor. He weighed 8 lbs, 15 ozs and was 21 inches long. Head circ was 14 3/4 inches. He nursed like a champ, for at least 20 minutes shortly after being born(to your right). I know God had nothing to do with my brother's death. But I do believe He had a hand in Elijah being born when he was........a sort of balance: joy to balance grief, a blessing to balance a tragedy, life to balance death. Would I have another homebirth? ABSOLUTELY. It was hands down, far better than my uncomplicated hospital birth with Kira in SO many ways :-) |