Young Scientist's Network Digest:
"The juvenile sea squirt wanders through the sea searching for a suitable
rock or hunk of coral to cling to and make its home for life. For this
task it has a rudimentary nervous system. When it finds its spot and
takes root, it doesn't need its brain anymore so it eats it. It's rather
like (faculty) getting tenure."
The only advantage in making computers understand English is that it
will prove once and for all that programmers can't write English.
(Mike Taylor)
It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase 'As
pretty as an Airport' appear -- Douglas Adams
C: The language that combines the power of assembly language with the
flexibility of assembly language.
Real friends don't let friends use UNIX.
"Jesus saves...but Gretzky gets the rebound! He shoots! He scores!!"
Martin's Law: You can't learn anything unless you almost know it already.
[Pennsylvania's Governor Robert P.] Casey was equally tough on the
state-related universities, saying ... "what do all those professors do
anyway? How much time do they spend in the classroom, as opposed to
smoking their pipes or staring up at the ceiling or writing papers or
thinking great thoughts or whatever the hell else they do?"
"Never argue with someone who buys ink by the barrel." - Daniel Janal.
If these were my company's opinions, they'd be workin' for me.
"Bill Rules"
Shoplifters with the runs take Klepto Bismol.
Zenith computers - You can get better, but you can't pay more!!
There are three ways to get something done:
1. Do it yourself.
2. Hire someone to do it for you.
3. Forbid your kids to do it.
You can take a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
"No amount of Education will replace a lack of Common Sense." - Tom Nourse.
If it's there and you can see it - it's real.
If it's not there and you can see it - it's virtual.
If it's there and you can't see it - it's transparent.
If it's not there and you can't see it - you erased it!
-Old IBM VM Statement
(Scott Hammer)
An actual ad for scientists who perform unmentionable experiments:
``Only the Polytron reduces an entire mouse to a soup-like
homogenate in 30 seconds.''
(From a Dave Barry article ca. 3/25/93.)
"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD
and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence."
- Jeremy S. Anderson
"I'm not naive enough to believe that students will ever stop
pointing the finger of blame at us. I would be satisfied if
they would just choose a different finger than the one they're
giving me now."
Rob Whelan - LABMGR Forum
Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my drive?
Pocqomb d'ar merc'het, rac var arc'hoas nin vo ludet....
(Let us kiss the maids, for tomorrow we shall be burned) - Breton saying
"Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is
probably the reason why so few engage in it." - Henry Ford
(This was originally sung to the theme song to the old "Mr. Ed" TV Show.)
A host is a host from coast to coast, and no one will talk to a host
that's close, Unless the host that isn't close Is busy, hung or dead.
"He's dead, Jim. I'll get his tricorder. You take his wallet."
Show me a man with two feet planted firmly on the ground, and I'll
show you a man who cannot change his pants.
"When the rich assemble to concern themselves with the business
of the poor, it is called Charity. When the poor assemble to
concern themselves with the business of the rich, it is called
Anarchy."
-Paul Richards
She was only a moonshiner's daughter.....nevertheless, I loved her still.
"I can defeat you physically with or without a reason.
But I can only defeat your mind with a reason." -Jim Lau
"Training young minds to think is like FARMING. You prepare to all hours,
plant every seed of knowledge you know, use every trick in the book,
and after weathering many student confrontations, stormy parent conferences,
and torturous grade averages, hope to get a young adult to graduate to a
road of lifelong success. But in end, you just settle for anything that
comes up, satisfied that you didn't "kill it" through the process."
"On the Internet, nobody knows you are a dog, but they sure
know if you are a son-of-a-bitch."
- Steve Cisler.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you
Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier to live with..
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullsh*t before.
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If
they're OK, you're it.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates
how difficult it was.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to
others.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to
be on your way.
Clothes make the man. Therefore, naked people have little or no influence
on society.
College is a fountain of knowledge...and the students are there to drink.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with
great force. -- Dorothy Parker
It's been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt
and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came
off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
-Rodney Dangerfield
Webster's definition of Windows 95:
Windows 95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit
patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit
microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of
competition.
Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3---not even for very large values of 2.
Beware of the fury of the patient man.
- John Dryden
The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either
proven right or pleasantly surprised.
- George F. Will
Though she may look good from afar, she may be far from good looking.
- Matt O'Halloran
Everywhere is "walking distance", if you have the time.
- Steven Wright
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity, an optimist sees the
opportunity in every difficulty.
- Winston Churchill
He who conquers others is strong; he who conquers himself is mighty.
- Lin Yutang
The only disability in life is a bad attitude.
- Scott Hamiton
The people who make a difference are not the ones with the credentials,
but the ones with the concern.
- Max Lucado