Donna reached over and gave Ameh a hug. "For whatever that's worth." She paused, took a deep breath. "Umm. I hope you won't take this the wrong way but...well, you remember Tracy Hannah, don't you? I don't think you were around much when she was hanging out with Miranda, at least not from what I see in the archives. But while I didn't get to know her all that well, I didn't see much of her since she had to stay at Shawn's most of the time, we did talk once or twice when she'd come to Nathan's, and I remember one thing she said: `You're always going to be on strings, kid. Only thing you can choose is whether you're on somebody else's, being pulled, or you're doing the pulling.' She sighed. "Anyway, what you said about victimizing and victims reminded me of that for some reason. But that's not all life is...is it? I don't want it to be--but then I look at things around me and I wonder. Am I just being a child to want it to be different than that?"

Ameh nodded. "I'd say you had it rough if you had to spend even 5 minutes alone with Christine or Nathan. I wouldn't wish them on anybody, they're just too..evil."

"You're right about evil." Donna replied. "I thought I knew what evil was, I mean, I remember reading about Hitler and the Nazis in school, I heard about Jeffrey Dahmer and other serial killers, but Nathan and Christine...it's like they give a whole new definition to the words "evil" "cruelty" etc. etc."

"Yeah, I think Nate & Christine must've gone to the hitler School of Cruelty or something because they are so sick it's hard to think of them as the same species as the rest of humanity, even though they look like people. As for Tracy," Ameh continued, "I don't know her all too well but I'm wondering if her attitude about people ties in at all with her fear of vampires - maybe she had a really bad run in with some kind of mind fiend or something. That's assuming she didn't get her head messed up by Christine first of course. I don't understand her attachment to Nathan though if she wants to be her own boss and not get controlled by other people. Hmmm."

"Well, from the little I did see of her, I think she was actually in love with the bastard. Which makes no sense to me. But then he always acted so nice whenever she was around, I guess she fell for it. I didn't get a chance to talk to her much without him right there, and even then not for very long, or I could've set her straight on a few things." Donna said.

"But no, I'm not taking what you said as anything more than what it is - an observation." Ameh replied. "Tracy's pretty screwed up now, and I might not exactly be an Ariel or a Pippi, but I was pretty screwed up back then. Only I think the big differences between me and her are that she still needs to be attached to somebody - Nathan, but she can't have much of a conscience if any if she can support what he did to Ariel and Miranda. Or else she's just blinded to the facts and really sees Nate as a knight in shining armor. Nevermind all the rust on the armor and crooked smile, she sees what she wants to see I guess. I get the same feeling about Tracy, and man, Nathan must've worked some kind of magic on her when he still had some because she sure looks like she's fallen for him hard. I doubt she would've listened to anything you had to say, though. People that far gone in love or whatever it's called, never listen to reason, until it's too late, they get burned and find out the hard way that they should've listened to you after all. And thanks for not being scared off - I was sort of not sure how you'd feel after learning that I robbed and connived and all that stupid stuff." Ameh smiled embarrassedly.

Donna nodded. "About being scared off...how do you think I felt that first night when NT brought me to Ariel's, and the first thing I heard was you yelling about "get that bitch out of here".

"Yeah man, I guess I wasn't too friendly the first night you were there, but I detected some kind of weird magic, and then when I heard Christine's name mentioned, I thought you were working for her and she was still after me. And I'd just been hurt by her and Nathan the night before that and wasn't strong enough to fight if I'd have to. But in a way I'm glad I was wrong, and in a way . . . Well, I'm just damn sorry you had to endure their crap. If I'd known she was even out of the mental ward at all...? But I didn't actively seek her out - she was in the past, or so I thought, and it was a past I tried so hard to bury. Dammit I'm sorry."

Donna nodded. "And then Capri came in and snarled something about how I should be locked up with the other two. Meaning Tracy and Christine. I felt so small and dirty then I don't even have the words to describe how much. I almost slipped out of that house right then and there, while you were all fussing over poor Mrs Myles. Not to go back to Nathan--I'd never have done that, not even then--but I just felt I didn't belong there either. I'm glad I was wrong about that."

Ameh nodded. "I guess I can't really answer you about whether or not there are just two kinds of people in the world, I don't think that's right, not now anyway. But on a bad day I sometimes still feel that way. I know Pippi is definitely no victim, and she's never victimized me. And well, I guess both Ariel annd NT were/are victims and I can see Capri doing some victimizing - not in the way Nate and Christine do of course, but she just isn't someone to mess with. She's anything but pretty when she's ticked off, I guess she thought the same thing I did at first. Well, neither of us think that any more. But I really don't think there's much hope getting Tracy to realize she's wrong about Nathan. She's just too stuck on him. She just refuses to believe he ever wanted to be turned. Have you seen her notes yelling at Capri for supposedly scrambling the messages? (smirk) As if."

"Tell me about Nathan and Christine." Donna sighed. "I still have nightmares about what went on there. And it's not getting any easier knowing that in another day or two I'm going to have to stand up in that courtroom and tell about it. In detail." She sighed again. "I know, you'll say I don't have to if it's too much for me. But I *do* have to. It's the only way I think I'll ever get them to see I'm not afraid of them any more. Nathan and Christine, I mean. I'm just worried sick over what hearing all this is going to do to Mom. I mean, I think she's guessed they hurt me, she just doesn't have any idea how much and I haven't been able to make myself tell her. God knows I've tried, I've sat there and looked at her and wanted to but then I just start crying."

"I don't have any say if you testify or not," Ameh replied, "I think that's up to Capri, but she's already said she won't let your mother hear what those f***heads did to you. At least, that's what I understood her to say when she and Pippi were getting things together. If you need somebody to come up for support when you testify, I know Capri would allow me to."

"As for Tracy...I don't get it either." Donna went on. "But then I've never had a boyfriend and don't understand how a girl who has one feels. Not that that's ever likely to happen--what guy wants a girl who's been with other men as much as I have? It wasn't just Nathan, you know. Christine sometimes picked up boys and made them sleep with me. Some sort of experiment, she said. Something to do with sex affecting magic--don't ask me to explain it, I don't understand it, I just know what she said."

At this, Ameh started to cry. "Damn! If I'd known I'd have killed those bastards long ago! You know, I wouldn't want anybody touching me, and if any guy thought you were less of a woman or less human because of that @$@#$#@%#$%#@$#@#$%$#%^#$#@$#$%#$%$^$%#$#@$#%#$%$#% Christine and Nathan put you through, they can just go to hell! They're not worthy to use as a doormat!"

Donna wanted to start crying herself, but she didn't want to give in to that. Not knowing what else to do, she reached over and gave Ameh a hug.

After a few minutes, Ameh calmed down, and Donna, trying to change the subject, went on.

"About Nathan's wanting to be turned. I don't think I'd have believed it either, if I hadn't been standing five feet away from him when he said it. And you should've seen the look on his face. Have you ever read a book and seen some character described as having "glittering" eyes? I never knew just what that was supposed to mean until that night. And I'd seen Nathan with all sorts of expressions...but never quite like the one he had then. I can't imagine anyone actually wanting to be that. But then--didn't I read something in the archives about that other vampire who wanted to be turned, too? Sarah? And NT and Capri seemed to like her. I just don't get it I guess." Donna sighed.

They talked a little more, then Ameh left to go talk to Pippi about some trial business.

* * * * *

Donna sent a note to NT...

* * * * *

NT,

Would you mind if I held Mia for a little while? that is if you don't think *she'd* mind.

And could you tell me something...I was talking to Ameh and the subject of that night came up, when Nathan wanted to be turned, and how Tracy still doesn't believe it.

I don't know your friend Sarah all that well--I only first met her that night and haven't had a chance to talk to her since we've been here. But do I or don't I remember reading something in the archives about how she wanted to be turned, too? She doesn't look much older than I am--do you know how old she really is? I understand that with vampires appearance doesn't mean much.

What's she like? I mean, she's got a baby, I remember Nathan and you both mentioning that, so she can't be all that bad, right?

Donna

* * * * *

A few minutes later, NT wrote back...

Sure you can hold the little Mia! (smile) I'm glad you like each other so much.

Sarah is very kind, like you and Ariel are. I think she's sixty something but you're right she doesn't look it. Well, she did want to be a vampire because she liked the idea of living long and being part of history or something, and I know she would not hurt a baby or her friends. She doesn't even take her meals in our sight - definitely not in sight of Ariel although I think Capri's had to feed her before, Not directly though! Sarah can walk around in daylight here only because Capri has her protected using magic. her protection doesn't extend to any other vampire though. Well, I think she's great, and if I like her I'm sure you would too.

NT

* * * * *

Later that afternoon, Donna came back to Capri's room and knocked.

Capri got up and answered it. "Hey, c'mmin."

"Hi Capri, are you feeling any better?" Donna asked.

"Mmmm, not well enough ta wanna go anywhere er do anythin, but at least I got some rest. Now, what about you? I feel lousy 'bout you havin ta testify." Capri motioned Donna to a chair, then sprawled on the couch with a slight groan.

Donna sighed. "I know. But I want to...I've got to. It's like, if I don't, then they've gotten away with at least what they did to me, if not anything else. They can say I'm still afraid of them, that I must still belong to them inside where it counts. And I *won't* let them think that."

"I see yer point an' agree with it, but dammit. You've already been through more than yer share o' them two. I won't let 'em try anythin on ya when yer up there either." Capri responded. "They treated ya like their property before but you ain't an' you'll never be, even if it means killin 'em with me bare 'ands."

Capri certainly looked sick and a lot more subdued than usual, but there was no mistaking the expression on her face and her tone. How she wanted to let them have it but good.

"I know. The last time I got a letter from Nathan, I told him as much. That I wasn't his and never would be. I can only guess what was in the letter he sent after that, the one you said you'd intercepted. Probably more of the same." she rolled her eyes. "The one I'm worried about is Mom. I have to do this--but what it's going to do to her...I know she already feels terrible about turning me over to them."

"Damn those two!" Capri growled, eyes flashing dangerously. She shook for a moment and took a deep breath as well as she could anyway. "Yer right, that letter was a pile o' trash. More o' his attempted muckin with yer mind. It made me sick lookin at it! An' I ain't gonna have yer mom present when ya testify. She don't need ta feel worse. She don't deserve ta feel bad in the first place." Capri sat up, clearly getting upset. "If I knew the kinda magic what can make somebody get an attack o' guilty conscience I'd give Nate an' Chrissy the worst one in all of history! It ain't right they keep goin on, makin everybody else feel rotten 'cause o' stuff they did!"