The next morning, when Donna woke, she checked the messages again, and there was one from NT.

Donna, I can't, I won't take your magic away! Yes I've lost control of mine but it hasn't hurt anybody and taking your magic isn't going to stop Christine! if anything it'd just make her want those kids more, you know! Anyway Ariel says that Christine and tompkins will be done away with by Sophie and Crow at the end of the trial, and she wouldn't give me permission to take your magic even if I asked. Besides I've never done it to anybody but someone evil and Pippi said it looked painful and I am not going to do that to you, I'm not! No no no no no!!!

* * * * *

Donna wrote back...

NT,

I'm not afraid of hurting. I should be, but I'm not. Not after all those months of Christine and her damned experiments...*sigh* I'm more afraid of that I want to hurt them both so much, and then I remember they like hurting people.

I know what Capri said about that, but it's so hard to remember, I'm so scared of what I might do without meaning to.

And I look at Capri and...I don't know, maybe there *is* something wrong with me, but I can't stop being afraid of her. I keep seeing the way she looked at me that first night, or the way she was in court yesterday.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Donna

* * * * *

NT wrote back...

Well, I really don't think it's safe to take away your magic. After all, Christine did all that stuff to Ameh before Ameh even knew she had her own magic let alone was able to use it. And Ariel's right - I shouldn't try anything right now considering how frazzled I'm feeling today. She says to wait until things calm down, whenever that'll be, and give you time to change your mind before getting me to do something we'd all regret later.

Capri's a scary person lately, and i'd be as frightened of her too if I had just met her. But the very first time I met her in person, I had asked for her to be taken to this place to be taken care of because she was very sick with some kind of fever she got. I hadn't seen anybody look so close to dying except Ariel before she faded, and when I saw Capri, I saw Ariel all over again. I know it's strange because she's not like Ariel, really, not even in looks. Pippi took care of her until she was well again. I'm just glad she's not evil or there'd really be trouble.

NT

* * * * *

After this, Donna went to talk to Ameh. Once they were past the "good mornings" and so on, Donna sighed. "It's worrying about those girls, it's making me crazy too, you know that's why I lost it...I'm trying to figure out how to write to those girls myself. And "God knows what else" is right...you'll hear when it's my turn to testify about just exactly what Nathan and Christine did to me. I've mentioned a little of it but believe me that is just tip of the iceberg."

Ameh nodded. "Damn it." her eyes flashed. "That's just like what the bitch did to me."

Donna sighed. "After last night I...I'm worried I'll lose it in court like I did in our room...what do I do if that happens? And the other thing I'm worried about...Mom. How in God's name am I going to sit there and talk about...everything...and still be able to look at her. I...I don't want to hurt her. God knows I don't."

"I'm sure she knows that."

"What do I do about her? There's so many things I want to talk to her about but I don't know how to start--I'm so afraid it'll just make her cry again and that's the last thing I want."

"I know, but.. oh, damn! I don't know if i'll make it through this thing without losing it myself, either, and I can only be glad my parents didn't see/know about the stuff I went through 'cause of Benson. But at the same time, if Tompkins hadn't killed them, I'd have never met the bitch in the first place! I wish I had some answers on how to deal with this crap, but I don't. I want her gone."

"So do I. Before she does anything to anyone else." Donna replied. "Including those two girls...speaking of which. I'm going to write to them right now."

* * * * *

Vijaya, Alise...

Look, you don't know me, but maybe you've seen my name on the Telegraph.

You're just kids. Well, so am I. Vijaya, you're thirteen, and Alise is ten, right?

I'm fourteen. And the reason I'm writing to you two is...well, Christine Benson.

Please, please, please. Don't listen to her. Don't trust her. Don't believe anything she tells you.

I know what I'm talking about. Because I've lived with her and Nathan Tompkins from last June up through this past February and...and what they did to me isn't anything you'd want to happen to you or any other kids you care about. Vijaya, didn't you say you had sisters? and Alise has several nieces and nephews?

I'd tell you in more detail but I don't want to give you two nightmares. However, if you keep following the trial, you'll find out. *sigh*

If you really want to find out about magic...well, I guess you could ask Ameh Chase. She's okay. But steer clear of Christine Benson!!

Donna Shelley

* * * * *

Donna sent her letter off and tried to relax. At least now she'd done what she could to keep those two girls out of Christine's hands.

A short while later, a new message appeared, this was from Vijaya.

* * * * *

Dear Donna,

You have us mixed up. I'm the ten year old who will be eleven next month. I'm in fifth grade. Alise is in eighth grade and goes to Hunter (where I'll go next year). Alise is thirteen. She turns fourteen in August.

Of course we are not going to trust Christine. She's in jail, just like the punks who all think they were so cool and you all know they were, just dumb punks. A lot of the kids where I go to school have brothers and even fathers like that. Thanks be to Allah, that I don't.

I am an only child and it is a good thing or our apartment would be more crowded. Alise has two little sisters. My father's sister and her family live with us so I have a niece and a nephew.

The only magic I want to know about comes from Allah and that is why he gave his prophet, Mohammed, the Holy Koran. By the way, I know lots of kids who've been abused. Some live with their aunts or their grandmothers and others are in foster care. I even know one or two kids who live down in the homeless shelter. If there was a way to do it, I'd invite you to have lunch at my Middle School. I'd invite you on a day when they serve boiled rat. No, you don't have to eat it. The smell is enough to make you barf. I just want you to listen to the kids I go to school with. Yes, some of them are real jerks, but I'd let you draw your own conclusions.

Vijaya Naipul 1441 Virginia Ave. Bronx, NY

* * * * *

Donna wrote back...

* * * * *

Vijaya,

Sorry about the mix up. It's hard to keep things straight when everything's hitting you at once the way it's been lately.

I turned fourteen last year. The day before Thanksgiving, in fact--though that day I didn't feel very thankful for anything, living with Tompkins and Christine the way I was then. *sigh*

I'm not sure *where* magic like I have comes from. Reverend Myles says it's from the Devil. I don't want to believe that--but then I heard about Christine writing to you and Alise and I nearly wrecked our room I got so upset. And then Tompkins keeps talking about how dangerous I could be... I keep thinking maybe this is what he meant.

Though Ameh says that what Tompkins really means is I'd be dangerous *to him* if I wasn't working for him--which I'll never do again! I hope he and Christine rot in jail, if they don't get killed. They'll never get a chance to hurt anyone else again, if I have anything to say about it.

But Capri says...well, she says where magic comes from is just something human that we can't come up with any other name for, and no more of the Devil than any other talent people have...I don't know. I wish I did.

I think I'd like to visit your school sometime. Maybe when this trial's over with we can work something out.

By the way, let me tell you something. My mom's in jail, too. And she's not a punk. She's only here with me now because she has to testify against Tompkins too.

Donna

* * * * *

Vijaya wrote back to Donna...

Dear Donna,

The only reason I don't throw stuff all around my bedroom sometimes is that I share it with my niece and nephew. We have two bunks and one junior bed and the dressers are between the beds and in the closet and there is one desk that is mine, but mostly I study on my bunk which is a top bunk. If I threw stuff around my room, my parents and my aunt and my niece and nephew and uncle would all be VERY ANGRY with me. You learn to be clean when you live in a crowded apartment.

All right, I know you are upset, and you are worried about being good or evil. You think you might hurt someone. I think Alise would agree that what you need is the word of God. Oh, please don't laugh. We are inviting you to join us in our nightly Bible/Koran study. You can do it by correspondence, or if you have real magic that makes you fly through the air, you can meet us outside the building and I'll say I go to school with you. We meet in either Alise' apartment or in mine. When the weather gets good we're going to use the roof where we have more privacy. We read different Bibles, talk about them, and then say prayers. It will make you a better person inside.

Vijaya Naipul 1441 Virginia, Ave. Bronx, New York

* * * * *

Donna wrote back...

Vijaya,

What do you do when you get upset, when you feel like you just have to let it out or you'll explode? The only reason things started flying around with me is this magic I'm stuck with. It's something I was born with, from what I've been told--Ameh and Pippi say my father had it, that it ran in his family. I don't know--I never knew him, he died when I was just a baby.

And Mom had never told me about him--I didn't even know his name until a few days ago. I mean, I didn't know if my parents had been married or if `Shelley' was Mom's name or his.

I don't know about flying through the air *smile* I've never tried *that*, but I can get to places. I just...think about being somewhere and there I am.

As for God...I don't know. I used to go to church with Mom, we had a Catholic priest back in Illinois, where I used to live before she got arrested and everything fell apart. But then I went to live with Tompkins and Benson and...

*sigh*

When they started doing...what they did, I'd pray. I'd pray all the time that God would make it stop. Either...either take me, or strike them down, or something. But it never happened. I couldnt' get away from them--I didn't know then that I could go places, they'd put some sort of spell on me so I couldn't. And then they'd tell me I couldn't go anywhere because I wasn't old enough to do that sort of magic yet.

Then Tompkins kidnapped some people and made me help him. And that's what led to my ending up with NT and Ameh and the others. After I'd been here a few days, I went to talk to another priest who's on the Telegraph--Father Flanagan. He seems pretty nice, from the one time I've talked to him.

He didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with my having magic, but then I didn't ask him much about it, I was sort of thinking about other things then. And that was before this trial started.

But then yesterday, last night, more accurately...I saw some letters from Tompkins about how dangerous I am. And then I ran into Reverend Myles. He's here because he's one of the people Tompkins kidnapped, so he's got to testify about that...and he remembered me from that night.

So he starts talking about how magic's of the Devil...and it was only a little while later I found out Christine had been writing to you and your friend.

I want to be good, Vijaya. I don't *ever* want to be like Nathan Tompkins or Christine Benson, who had magic and used it to hurt people. That's why I tried to get NT to take it away...but she won't.

Everyone here keeps telling me that God does still love me, despite all the terrible things Tompkins made me do. But I've tried to pray so many times since I got away from him and...the words just won't come. I don't know how to anymore. All those months of praying when I was being abused and nothing ever stopped it.

I remember how I used to feel when I went to church. Even if no one was talking or praying out loud, there was just that...peacefulness, that sense of...*something*, a presence if you will. There wasn't any words, but you knew it was there.

The last time I tried, at Father Flanagan's church...that feeling never came. And I miss it. That's what I mean about having forgotten how to pray....it always seemed to come so easily when that feeling was there. But now...

I don't know if they'll let me come visit you before this trial's over, but I'll ask. If I can't do it before that, though, I can come see you afterward, if you're sure your parents won't mind.

Donna

* * * * *

Donna then sent a letter to Father Flanagan...

Father,

I don't know when I'll be able to get to come see you again, it probably won't be until after this trial is over with. So is it okay if we talk this way for now? Because I...I really need to...

I told you I had...something. What for want of a better word, you could call magic. But what do you really think about that?

Because I ran into another man here, a minister--Reverend Myles. He's one of the people Tompkins kidnapped that last night I was with him...and Reverend Myles remembered me from that night. And he knew I have magic, from then, too.

And he started praying for GOd to take it away, saying it was of the Devil and would only lead Tompkins or someone like him back to using me again. I don't want that to happen. I don't want to be like Nathan or Christine, not ever!

And Tompkins had magic until about a month or two ago, when it was taken away...and Christine Benson does. And look what they're like.

Please tell me what's right, what I ought to do. I tried to get NT to take it away like she did Nathan's but she won't, she says it wouldn't be right.

But if having magic's okay, why does the Bible talk about getting rid of the witches and so on?

I've tried and tried to pray, but it's like that day at your church--it just won't come, the...the way I used to feel when Mom would take me to church back before all this happened. That feeling of...peace, quiet, you'd sense there was *something* there...I don't quite know how else to describe it, but it felt natural to pray when you felt that presence.

I don't feel that presence any more and I don't know why that is unless there *is* something wrong with me.

NT and the others keep telling me God still loves me...but why don't I feel that inside like I used to? I miss that...maybe if I could find that again I'd remember how to pray.

Donna

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