The Bar
THE WAITRESS
A NATIVE AMERICAN
A PAIR OF BUTTOCKS
A PENIS
A WILD-HAIRED HOBO
TWO ENGINEERS
TWO WOMEN
AN AGING BEATNIK
[The scene is a crowded bar. We're watching THE WAITRESS, as she hurriedly services various tables. She walks up to one of them, where TWO ENGINEERS are sitting, dressed in identical white shirt/ red tie/ black pants esembles. One of them is talking to the other, and seems distressed.]
ENGINEER: I mean.. it just.. fuck, why did it have to.. I just still don't get how it turned into a festival of incest and grilled cheese sandwhiches.
[WAITRESS sets a beer down in front of him and moves on. Next she comes to a NATIVE AMERICAN, drinking alone and looking depressed.]
NA:Shit, the bill..[opens his wallet] Fuck! [in tears now] Fuck! No fucking money. How did I forget to bring any fucking money?! Jesus Bean-Eating Christ. [losing control] FUCK! Hey you're white.. how about my father's soul, does that cover the fucking tab? Or shit, do you accept ancestral homelands as payment? Oh fuck, right, YOU ALREADY HAVE ALL MINE!!!
[He begins to sob with face in hands. WAITRESS sets the bill in front of him and moves on. She comes to a table where TWO WOMEN in trashy makeup and revealing dresses are sitting. One of them is talking. The other is pretending to listen and playing with her cell phone.]
WOMAN: So there I was, here's my kindergarten teacher and all I can say is "We haven't fucked in like.. thirty years!"
OTHER WOMAN: You're 32, hon.
WOMAN: So??
[WAITRESS sets a martini in front of each of them and keeps going. At the next table a human ass with a face on one of the cheeks and two spindly arms each with a white-gloved hand is talking to an obese man with bushy hair in a mailman uniform.]
BUTTOCKS: ..And he's all "Now don't get cheeky on me!" like thats sooo fucking funny, so i just sucked in my gut and SHAT ON HIS BITCH ASS! Fuck, fuck!!! There he is now, theres that fucking cock again.
[PENIS, a human male member with a face on the mid stalk, sits down next to the BUTTOCKS]
PENIS: [in a queer lisp] Whats up, fabulous?
BUTTOCKS: Fuck this, I'm leaving.
PENIS: Don't be like that, baby!
[WAITRESS puts the bill on the table and the fat man pays, exeunt PENIS and BUTTOCKS.]
[Next table: a WILD-HAIRED HOBO.]
HOBO: I've seen the dark side of the city. The parts they won't write about it books or mention on the radio. [he seems lost in thought] The black side where the sun never shines and the worst of parts of the so-called "human" psyche are free to walk about unexposed. I've seen horrors that should break a man's mind. But I lived. Here I am. And I'm not sure if it's a good thing anymore.
[kills himself with a letter opener. WAITRESS removes the letter opener from his chest and uses it to pin the bill to his corpse. Moves on. Her next customer is an AN AGING BEATNIK.]
AB: [as if reciting poetry] "I lie a lie/ I jai alai/ Am I alive?"
[She hands him a white russian and walks off. Done with her rounds for now, she goes back behind the bar. She rests an elbow on the counter and props her chin on her palm.]
WAITRESS: I bet there's not a fucking thing on TV right now.
FINIS.