Voltron1181: Voltron1181:i had brought up that chickens like to peck the dead flesh from her breastcrack
Voltron1181:its sort of a symbiosis kind of thing
Voltron1181:she gets an exfoliating beaking
adamdst:dear sweer jesus thats the most disturbing sentence i've ever read
Voltron1181:and the chickens get to eat the skin off her boobs
Voltron1181:wow, i'm win
Voltron1181:you can just see it too
Voltron1181:when they tug it off it makes the sound of rubber stretching in a cartoon
adamdst:ew
Voltron1181:i'm told the taste is similar to that of cheese that slid off the pizza
adamdst:fuck fuckfuckfuck that's gross
Voltron1181:sometimes the male chickens get aroused by it all and nut on her boobies
Voltron1181:and that's when her elderly nipples start to get hard
adamdst:i hate you so much right now
Voltron1181:she's quoted as saying "I like getting moist; it gives that lazy old basset hound something to do"
Glovebox Joe: hahaha
Voltron1181: hehe
Glovebox Joe: was that just now?
Voltron1181: yeah
Glovebox Joe: while he's still reeling, send him this:
Glovebox Joe:
Voltron1181: Voltron1181:but thats a whole nother kettle of fish
Voltron1181:if you get my drift
Voltron1181:(i'm talking about her old leathery poon)
adamdst:...
adamdst:im going to send you a bottle filled with my own vomit
Glovebox Joe: Glovebox Joe: fucking barbara bush feels like fucking a wallet made out of beef jerky
adamdst: he got you started on that too
adamdst: damn you both to hell
adamdst: BOTH OF YOU
Glovebox Joe: the only time you get any lubrication is when she's on the rag
Voltron1181: Voltron1181:she once said "my husband's penis kind of reminds me of a sausage skin full of marmalade"
Voltron1181:"that's why i whittled this oak dildo"
Voltron1181:(fyi its about a foot and a half long and she can get the whole thing in there)
adamdst:........
Voltron1181:when she uses it it sounds like she's sweeping a hardwood floor with a whisk broom
Glovebox Joe: i want this whole conversation when you're done
Glovebox Joe: Glovebox Joe: it makes a noise like you're slowly sawing down a tree
Glovebox Joe: and it smells like old urine and silverware
Voltron1181: ha
Voltron1181: dammit he's away now
Voltron1181: Voltron1181:"nothing like churnin a little butter to get your day going" she mumbles to herself
Voltron1181:"one of the nice thinks about menopause," she says, "is that your dry barren womb takes on the texture of steal wool." she demonstrates by polishing a splendid array of pewter tablewhere with her vagina
Glovebox Joe: "throw away that dremmel, george!"
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Voltron1181: "When is that Joe fellow coming over," she wonders aloud. "His mom sure was a demon in the sack!!"
Glovebox Joe: the "BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" noise was a natural segue into thoughts of my mom
Voltron1181: you said it not me
Voltron1181: but only cuz you beat me to it
Voltron1181: i was gonna use that one on him before he left
Voltron1181: "Oh fiddlesticks, its time to defecate again." she squats on the porch and procede to eliminate what can only be described as 'cinnamon oatmeal'
Glovebox Joe: she then shits out an entire fetus. after looking puzzled, she explains that she had thought the last batch was the final one
Voltron1181: "Thats probably the last of teh tapeworms, but you never can tell"
Voltron1181: "Wanna see jeb and george w's brothers and sisters?" she takes us to a cellar full of feti in large jars of formaldehyde. "I've had over 3 dozen abortions," she boasts, "and I saved every one of them!"
Voltron1181: Most of them are labled "Julio Iglesias Jr," followed by a serial number
Glovebox Joe: except for the ones labeled "hitler 2: electric boogaloo"
Voltron1181: "Hitler was a darling man," she remebers. "Psychotic, and mostly homosexual, but he had his moments! Oh but back then Jeb and George W weren't even a twinkle in my cataracts!"
Glovebox Joe: mysteriously, she becomes aroused and it sounds like toast is grinding on the inside of her vagina"
Voltron1181: "Ooh! The toast is done!" out of her vagina pops a slice of charred bread
Voltron1181: "Oh damn, I burned it again!"
Glovebox Joe: she puts it back in
Voltron1181: "I've often thought to myself 'Oh Bar, your buttocks look like a pair of partially deflated balloons!'" She lifts her skirt to reveal them.
Glovebox Joe: they are totally tattooed, with such things as "JESUS CHRIST I'M DRUNK AND I HATE JEWS"
Voltron1181: one of them is a picture of gallagher giving axl rose head
Voltron1181: it is now that we realize she has a vestigial scrotum
Glovebox Joe: with ants crawling all over it
Voltron1181: and in/out of it
Glovebox Joe: and maggots, lordy the maggots
Voltron1181: "Those varmints ate my testicles long ago, when i was 94," she remembers.
Glovebox Joe: the ants begin to cover "you're pregnant so i kicked you in the stomach" by anal cunt
Voltron1181: A fish pokes its head out of her asshole, takes a deep breath, and wriggles back in.
Voltron1181: "I like to encourage evolution with my ass," she explains
Glovebox Joe: "there are still dinosaurs in there"
Voltron1181: "and an umber hulk"
Voltron1181: she smiles, revealing a mouthful of pearly white nerve endings
Glovebox Joe: covered in a shell of semen
Glovebox Joe: it must be at least fifty years old
Voltron1181: "I used to babysit Oscar Wilde," she says
Glovebox Joe: who also pops out of the vagina
Voltron1181: mostly decomposed and entirely dead, but otherwise no worse for the wear
Glovebox Joe: he rattles off many a pun
Glovebox Joe: a good time is had by all
Voltron1181: especially scott thompson
Voltron1181: who rents a stuido apartment in her labia
Glovebox Joe: i hi five scott
Glovebox Joe: and we save the world before dinner
Voltron1181: then he turns to you and says "Your my little sidekick.... and ya know what THAT means!"
Voltron1181: a line of elephants dance across the screen
Voltron1181: trumpeting their loudest to drown the sounds of his horrid love crimes
Voltron1181: but doing surprisingly little to obscure the site of it
Glovebox Joe: i make a noise like i'm on a rollercoaster engineered by lucifer himself
Voltron1181: the soundwaves ignite his flesh and incinerate him, saving you
Glovebox Joe: aweesome
Voltron1181: barbara pats you on the back and says "its always hard the first time, honey."
Glovebox Joe: scott looks down and says "you're god damned right it is" and fucks barbra
Glovebox Joe: ababrbabrarar
Voltron1181: as his charred corpse fucks her senseless, you and levar burton do the charleston for 45 minutes
Glovebox Joe: "oh levar, you're such a fucking uncle tom"
Voltron1181: "take it back, or i'll stab your belly button with this saudering iron and fuck the hole!"
Glovebox Joe: you're already doing it
Voltron1181: Snarf and Lion-o laugh awkwardly
Voltron1181: Panthro is fisting Cheetara and Tigra at the same time
Glovebox Joe: wiley kit and wiley cat are planning their "WEEK OF INCEST FEST"
Voltron1181: and Mum-ra is hitting on Barbara
Voltron1181: even though he doesn't need to
Voltron1181: frankly, saying "hello" is more or less hitting on her
Voltron1181: why do all our conversations turn into a dadaist sexual house of horrors
Glovebox Joe: because of men sitting on fire hydrants while yelling "THE SOLUTION IS HERE, ON MY PENIS"
Voltron1181: and camels eating themselves out with their long blue snakey tongues
Voltron1181: we should get into tv programming