A woman may endure an abusive relationship for many years before seeking help. What happens before a woman finally decides to reach out?
Women come to see leaving as the only route to end the emotional turmoil they are experiencing. They may seek advice and support from friends, family, a counsellor, an abused women’s shelter, or a doctor and leaves as a result of this support and their own sense of survival. Women take the first step in reaching out, but the abuse is affirmed and they realize they have choices, many women will take the necessary action to leave the situation.
While many women stay for the children, it is also a key reason why many women seek help. If her partner starts to abuse the children, is no longer a good father, or if she sees that the abuse is affecting the children, she may decide to take action for herself and her children.
Women may leave if the develop a measure of self-confidence by getting a job, returning to school, or taking on a task in the community. They come to realize that they are capable and worthy of respect. It is important to note, however, that abusive men will, in most cases, try to prevent the woman from being in a situation where her level of self-confidence might be increased since he sees this new independence as a threat to his control.
If the pattern of abuse involves alcohol and he is abusive only when he is drunk, the first time he is abusive when he is sober is often an eye-opener for a woman. She may seek help because she now knows that the drinking is only an excuse for his behaviour.
Many women come to realize that the relationship is not going to change. They come to recognize a pattern in the relationship and realize that the abuse is getting worse. They see that promises to change are very short lived.
Women fear
that if they stay much longer, they will be seriously harmed or even killed.
The fear of what is going to happen if they stay becomes as great as the
fear of what is going to happen if they leave.