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-Is your friend withdrawn, sad, anxious or depressed? -Is your friend drinking or taking pills to calm her nerves? -Have you seen physical signs such as bruises, marks or burns for which they have no convincing reasons? -Do you know if your friend’s partner is the jealous type, quick-tempered or easily upset? -Do you know
if your friend’s partner tries to control your friend’s behaviour: where
she goes, who she goes with, what time she has to be home?
-If your friend has just been assaulted, encourage her to seek medical attention right away. Many injuries are not apparent right away. -Find out how the children are and whether or not they are in a safe place. -Ask your friend if they would like to report the assault to the police. Let your friend know that this is her right. -Let your friend know about the abused women’s shelter in your area. -Encourage your friend to talk to a doctor or anyone she can trust. -Shelters
are safe confidential places to contact for shelter and support.
They WILL NOT tell anyone she is staying there.
-Let your friend know that you believe what she says. -Let your friend know that it is not her fault. Abused women are often told that abuse is their fault, that they did something to provoke the violence. -Encourage, but do not pressure, your friend to talk about the violence. Shelters are a good place to start talking about what has been happening to them. Maybe your friend has other resources, someone she know and can trust. -Make sure that your friend knows that she can call a shelter to talk about her situation and she will not be placed under any pressure. -Offer to go with your friend to any place that she is frightened to go such as the police, the hospital or a shelter, for example. -You may feel like saying negative things about the abusive person. Stop yourself. People who are abused want the violence to stop but they often still love their partners. Because they still love their partner, they might feel powerless and unable to make decisions. Help your friend to evaluate her options but let her evaluate them and make her own choices. Criticizing her partner will not help and may add her inner turmoil. -Allow HER to make her own decisions. Abusive people use violence, in its many forms to control their partners. Making her own decisions may help her regain her confidence. -Even though
it may be difficult, support her whether she chooses to stay in the relationship
or leave. It might take months or even years to make the difficult
decision to leave. Your friend may need your support and a listening
ear for a long time.
-DO NOT confront the abusive person about their violence. He/she may become violent towards you and make it difficult for you to see your friend. He/she may take their anger at you out on your friend. The abuse may become worse as he/she feels the need to increase the attempts to control your friend. -Talk to someone
about your own feelings and how what is happening to your friend is affecting
you. Do this without giving away your friend’s name or identifying
her in any way. Shelters are a good place to talk to someone.
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