This page will describe the trials and tribulations of 3 idiots that someone let rent their flat. Go figure.

The Grill Incident

This occured within the first month of the 3 of us moving into number 8. We often have hamburgers for snack food, cooked on the grill (or we used to, the consumption has slowed somewhat and is now 2nd to party pies). On one such occasion when Chris had finished cooking himself a meal, and had then consumed the entire meal, we were all sitting in front of the TV. I was heard to comment "What's that smoke from?". I casually strolled to the stove to see the cause of this air polution. On opening the grill i was confronted with flames erupting from the fat collector beneath the grill. A lot of extremely loud profanities later....Chris and Luke came to the kitchen to see what the fuss was. After quick deliberation we decided to throw water on the flames. Big Mistake. No one had told us that water and fat dont mix. The flames not only didn't go out, but turned from a gentle warmth into a raging inferno. They actually rose 3 metres high and hit the roof. "FUCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!" We all scrambled for tea towels and whatnot to smother it, and eventually it went out. But not before our ceiling was significantly blackened and out ventilation fan cover melted beyond regognition. Did i mention we had an inspection in a weeks time? Because we did. Thanx to some generous relatives, we cleaned the roof a reasonable amount and borrowed a fan cover, no one was the wiser. But our ceiling will never be the same again...

The Computer Fair

Occurred on a sunny Saturday, early in March. Luke and myself had decided to goto a computer fair which was running not too far away. We were unaware if any buses were running to the event, so we had agreed on riding our bikes. Chris with no bike, was automatically cut out of the picture. We set out at 9am or so, hoping to make good time and have the whole day, or as much as we needed to peruse the fair. We both took our backpacks, as we intended to purchase varying items. Map in hand and little clue where we were going we headed off. The journey was somewhat uneventful, apart from the blazing sun and a 10 minute interval or so where we went in the complete wrong direction. I also was tricked into falling off my bike in the middle of a lights intersection by an unhelpful Luke. We arrived at the fair after an hour, give or take. We were pleased to find we had in fact came to the correct exhibition centre (we were unsure as there was 2). We chained up our bikes and entered. The fair itself was very good as far as I can tell, having never been to one. After choosing what we wanted (network cards, cable and a subwoofer for Luke) we then had to find a salesclerk we could understand (no mean feat as 90% had english as a 2nd language). This took the majority of the time. We bought what we wanted and left the building. Only on returning to our bikes we realised there was no way in hell Luke's subwoofer would fit in either backpack. Quite unimpressed, we called my relatives for help. But none were home, and we were stranded. After an hour or 2 deliberation, the decision was made to abandon the bikes. On arriving at the bus stop we found we had little time to wait for a bus. We saw it coming, and all the people at the stop stood up as someone already standing flagged it down. The bus driver was seen to wave...and then drive straight past. We all stared in amazement. He was clearly running, with passengers visible in the bus and his destination on the front. The man who flagged it down was last seen running along the highway in the direction of the bus, we never heard from him again. The rest of us remaining at the stop waited while one of us called the bus company, describing their screw up. They sent us a personal van to take us back into town. We were very impressed as this was not only faster, but free. woohoo. We returned home to find Luke's subwoofer was well worth it. But our network cards are still to work even as i type this.... Although many of our family members were dubious about us finding the bikes intact, we returned to the grounds a week later to find them unmoved and untouched, much to my relief.

Chris The Moron

A more recent tale, and significantly shorter. On a morning when Luke and I had early lectures and caught the bus early into uni, Chris slept in and was gonna come in later. On awakening he put on his clothes for the day (luckily) and opened his door to come into our flat. NB~Chris's room is unattached to the main flat and has a corridor separating the 2. He shut his room door behind him and then went to open the main flat when he realised he had left his keys sitting on his table in his room. He turned back to his room, only to find it locked aswell. He was now locked out of everywhere, and being on the 2nd floor he was unable to break in. He had no shoes, no books and no money. He went to the neighbours begging for footwear, and although expecting joggers or similar, was presented with some weird sandles of brand, and i quote "Nikf". The symbol was also very similar to the Nike swoosh, but had a discontinuity. He then proceeded to goto the bus stop, and on hearing his sad tale of woe, the busdriver actually let him ride for free. He arrived at school and went to all lectures with no books etc. After finding us, he was leant some money with which to buy lunch abd get home. Thus ends the tale of Chris the Dumbass...

Luke Is Also a Moron

This occurred on the 2001 holidays from June 28th until July 14th. We were all going up to the North Coast for our 2 week long holidays. Chris and myself were catching the 17 hour train ride with a 5 hour stop over in Sydney, which is another story; and Luke had somehow managed to acquire a free plane trip, much to our disdain. Anyway, Chris and I were leaving first, at 5:30am of the 28th. Luke was to leave at 11:30am that same day, and seeing as it was his turn anyway he had to washup and generally get the house in a respectable condition. Not to say it wasn't predominately clean, because it was. We had previously discussed turning off all the power to save electricity while we were away, clocks, TV and the like. Also the fridge had been talked about, but it was made very clear that although Luke had the final decision, he was to remove everything from the fridge before turning it off. We had surmised that the cost of replacing the little food would be outweighed by the cost of electricity for the 2 weeks. Two weeks passed, we enjoyed our holidays and such. Chris and I returned home first, a day before Luke. Roughly halfway up the stairs to our home the smell hit us. On opening the door to the flat, it only grew more vile. Unleashing the actual fridge held a stench not suitable for the likes of sewage cleaners. There was milk, sour cream, eggs, various fruit and vegetables, hamburgers and many other stuff one should not leave alone and unrefrigerated for 2 weeks. Luke had also managed to botch the washing up, what things he actually done weren't put away or dried, but instead stacked on top of one another with water still resting in them. Not pleasant. Naturally we had to clean. Chris rinsed the dishes and I scrubbed the fridge and emptied the beyond disgusting water it had shed. Luke was however left all the shelves to clean the next night.

Dane Has His Share of Idiocy

This is an older story and less related to the 3 of us as a whole, but more focussed on my own stupidity. It happened in the last 6 months of my final year of school. Luke, Torsten (a friend from highschool) and myself found ourselves always sitting at the back of class, all the more easy to bludge you see, and we were doing so as usual in Chemistry this particular day. For one reason or another i had a large metal compass point in my mouth, i do not wish to go into this and it isn't really relevant to the story. While this was in my mouth, Luke's usual goofing off caused me to laugh, as I often do. The aforementioned compass point went into my throat and was lodged. I then preceded to raise my hand to the teacher and say "Miss, i have a compass point stuck in my throat". This of course caused the whole class to roar with laughter which made it hard for me not to laugh, and puncture my asophogus. I was told to go see my Dad who worked at the school. We went to the hospital, and i was drugged and stuff. They shoved a camera thingy down my throat to get it out of my stomach, but they were too late. I stayed in the hospital overnight. But the compass point was never heard of again, i guess it didn't put a hole in anything important. I then missed a whole week of school for no reason, much to my dismay because when i returned to school basically everyone had forgotten. So i didn't get my sympathy i deserved. Damn.