I couldn�t be bothered to talk with a friend
I tried to reach out, to a world so scary and unknown
I was so in love and I felt we were connected
So many voices were screaming inside my head
I looked at the world around me and I just didn�t care
Didn�t I try hard enough, our love went week, no longer strong
Where could I go, there was no place to hide
I constantly searched my soul to find another way
I was in search, of a will to carry on
All that time he was there in front of me
Each night I whispered, �I love you� almost in a prayer
I longed for him, to hold him once again
All of the bad feelings started to disappear
How did I go on? I couldn�t do it without him
At night I�d go to bed and toss and turn
I didn�t dare tell of the emptiness that was real
He was my hope, my lover, and I wish he could see
This man, whose name is Carey, there was nothing I wouldn�t do
They say Angels guide us with the Light of Love
I felt he was the one thing I couldn�t get enough of
The way he would stop and for me he would dance
On the screen, �BlackWolf� would appear
One of these nights, I want to hear his voice again
He was my life and my only desire
Honey, if you can hear my thoughts tonight
A professional counselor is what others would recommend
My days were no longer sunny, but dark and hazy
My spunk was gone from my soul, I felt I had gone crazy.
Why couldn�t I cope, I felt so all alone
Without him, part of me didn�t want to live anymore
My body was tired, as it collapsed a few times on the floor.
Until his spirit died and I was left feeling rejected
It killed me as he packed his belongings and closed the door
Realizing he wouldn�t be there for me, the man I adore.
I was hanging onto life, by a tiny little thread
There were many obstacles seen in front of me
They wouldn�t disappear; they wouldn�t let me free.
Why would I, when nothing to me, seemed fair
I wanted to curl up, in the corner of my room and die
To keep my heart safe, I was too exhausted to cry.
Or was I to comfortable, not knowing where I�d go wrong
There were always things to do, but I sat alone to think
Too often, too many times, wanting to hide in a drink.
I looked at the ocean, I wanted to die in its waves and tide
What happened to him, my friend and my soulmate
Did I leave my dreams and fantasies to a simple fate.
To guide him back to me, somehow, some day
There were days, when I was losing ground
There was too much quiet, and so very little sound.
A guardian angel, to guide me with a song
Or something or someone I could turn to
Given up on life, there was nothing more for me to do.
He gave his all, through his love and spirituality
I held back and didn�t stop to realize
I didn�t stop to look, deep within his eyes.
That somehow he�d come back to these arms so bare
I never thought that I would find my dream
But I found it in him, so it would seem.
We started �our� story and it soon came to end
Love comes to those who believe in it
The days with attitude, when I didn�t give a shit!
Even though nights were long, nightmares were still to fear
Where was the sun that filled my days
With his warmth and his gentle ways.
My life was so empty, I felt fragile from within
My hands felt tied and my heart was not free
Not like it was when he was a part of me.
From a lesson life would teach, a lesson for me to learn
I would go to work wearing, yet another mask
Pretending as if we were ok, as they showed concern to ask.
Too much I didn�t share, with the ways I would feel
He even told me it would take him some time
To feel alive, within reason, that would give me a sign.
That I would�ve given him the best, with eternity
I would�ve climbed the highest ladder to give him the stars
I would�ve traveled the universe, from Venus to Mars.
He was my hero and my warrior, in life there are few
And to make a wish into my inner soul
For him to be happy, that would be my goal.
Where was the guidance, others receive from above
I had the time of my life with this man
I swore as keeper of his heart, next to him I would stand.
I remembered how we both said, �This is definitely love�
I never felt that way before, feeling alive and aware
Leaving my heart open to feeling love beyond compare.
Leaving the night open, to a moment of chance
He would sing Danielle, and my body would shiver
The touch of his hands would make my insides quiver.
No message in sight, how I had wished he were here
The pictures of him, my fingertips would trace
This man who brought me life, was once my happy place.
Not in the sake of love, but to see my best friend
We kept the passions burning with the desire of a game
I wanted what I couldn�t have, am I the one to blame?
His strength and his wisdom, I grew to admire
Carey had me at hello, and I will never regret
The love he gave to me is a love I�ll not forget.
I am hoping you�ll join me, to make things right
The way we danced within a single touch
I still love you sweetheart and miss you very much.
Song ~ All By Myself
This poem is dedicated to a man, a very special man that brought life, freedom and a feeling of floating above the clouds. Once, he said he hadn�t left me, hadn�t left our love or the relationship...just the living environment. Words I held close to my heart and believed in with every bit that I was alive. As he said, actions speak louder. For him, I would die a million deaths to show him the love that I held far too long inside ~ ways of loving him that would have brought his spirit back to life and the sparkle back to his eyes. In a way, he is still my world, my best friend...and someone I will always always love....